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Do men who don't watch porn exist or should I give up and stay single?...

Tagged as: Pornography<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 September 2008) 75 Answers - (Newest, 15 August 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

when I commit to a special man I hope to be his only and for him to get his sexual arousal from my body alone...is this too much to ask.....I cant imagine ever needing to look at another mans body for arousal once commited....and I cant imagine ever being happy to share my body with man who uses porn...... do men like this exist or should I give up and stay single?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 August 2014):

Yes straight men exist who DO NOT WATCH PORN. My suggestion is that if you want such a guy, you need to find a yoga class where such spiritual straight guys go. Basically if you want a guy that never looks at porn of any kind, and is straight, you need to find a spiritual guy, someone who is into a yogic life style, or maybe a Martial Artist. There is a Buddhist / Taoist singles page. Good luck.

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A female reader, gundi123 United States +, writes (15 February 2014):

i been married for 18 years, and my husband has not watched porn, i have 3 daughters and to him its disgusting to watch due to the fact that he would not want his child in this. he im sure when camping has looked at pics. in mags. keeped in the out house, but mostly you will find him reading, a book or listening to talk radio. does he look at other ladies yes this in a normal thing. but he has never done it to the point of making me feel disrespected or them, why because he is and always will be a true man! they exist good men are out there dont give up hope, the right one will come along. mine did. when i least expected it.and he is so honest that sometimes i think he is brutal but i would prefer honest to lying, any day, so if your on the chunky side like i have been, hes not the one to ask if you look fat, because he will tell you the truth.... i married one of the greatest men alive!!! and you will find yours too. be you he will find you!

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A male reader, skillingz Netherlands +, writes (14 November 2013):

Yes they do - there's a site that helps men eliminating the habit of watching porn (cause it's mostly a habit thaught by society and learned at young age).It's called nofap (reddit.com/r/nofap)

And ofcourse they exists, i think you need to focus more on what aspects you like in a men and who you yourself really are and what you want to attract the right guy for you. Then simply take his hand.

You should't be busy or worry about if he's watching porn: if he really likes you - he will fulfill what you described (arousel body etc)cause you're worth it.

And you can be in a relationship without sex and till you have knowledge about what characterpropertys and personality you seek in a man and relationship rather than putting up a list of criterion for a dream prince, .... i would stay single.

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A female reader, baby cupcakes United States +, writes (12 September 2013):

this is an great question and i hope you find who you are looking for.

Porn is an ongoing epidemic in our society today. Never before has it been so easily accessible to become addicted to porn. The internet has only made it easier for men to look at it. Many people would say that it is crazy for a man not to do it but the fact of the matter is men can decide to not look at porn with free will. As long as that is true I believe there will always be men out there with the opinion it is simpley not right when in a relationship. Even men that believe it is immoral. Do not give up. If you don't find a man you want, be happy that you don't need a man. Be a free happy woman! I personally think its fine not to be in a relationship. Just means your driven, hard to get, and strive for what you believe is the right thing to do! Just because everyone might not agree doesn't mean you are wrong at all to look for an honest pure man that only wants you. It's important to find the man that wants to treat your needs and values with respect!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 May 2013):

super late but:

i'm sure guys who (nominally) don't watch porn exist. but here are some things:

a) porn is in a lot of instances an addiction. it's linked with masturbation for us, and in a lot of cases is like smoking a nice cigar. it's not a matter of wanting other girls or anything remotely like that. i promise you.

b) all the women i've ever talked to have proudly touted their ability to fantasize, to not need to watch things in order to masturbate. men aren't so adept, and it is nowhere near as pleasurable for us to just fantasize. women say porn doesn't get them off and is uninteresting. men say fantasizing doesn't get them off and is uninteresting. as highly sexual beings, do you expect us to turn off that prime sexual need because our significant other is feeling insecure? unless you're willing to be constantly engaged in sexual activity, you've got to give your man some leeway. and understand it's not because he wants other women, it's because he wants to get off and you're not always available.

here's a tip: make a video. make something sexy that he can watch while you're away, have an arsenal or something so you can at least sleep somewhat easy knowing that he's masturbating to videos of you (two). my girlfriend and i do that and i ceremoniously eschew porn in order to jack it to her, or her and i. seriously. it's just our need to be fed visually so we can whack it physically. i hope by now you've figured this out, or found someone "pornless."

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2013):

Depends on what do you classified porn is.

Is it looking at people having sexual intercourse, looking at the nude human body, or both ?

Men who don't watch porn do exist but due to the readily availability of porn on the internet they are much harder to find. For a generation of men that came of age accustomed to easily available porn due to technological advances of the personal computer and the internet finding a man who won't watch porn would be like looking for a needle in a haystack.

The guy might not look at porn for an extended period of time in the initial beginning of a relationship but eventually when the relationship loses its excitement, if conflict emerges between the couple because one person wants sex more than the other person, or when youthful beauty fades it sure would be a great temptation for a person to resist.

The one thing that i agree with pawned about is that it is easy for a person to become sanctimonious about not watching porn or wanking if that person with little or no effort or labor can find a partner to satisfy their sexual urges.

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A female reader, Fair lady Finland +, writes (3 September 2012):

This is something I've also had to deal with in all my relationships, both in terms of porn and wanting other women. Lately I've tried to become more flexible with the topic by trying to separate the "sex" from "love", but for a woman this is difficult, yet in my opinion necessary. These two elements can complement each other, but hardly ever be One for men. It's sad, and I'm disgusted with how sex sells in this world in every aspect, everywhere. I'm certain this trend does and will have affect on the humanity!

But back to the relationships: I'm amazed how after surfing for a great while I see no comments or articles about the female side of sexuality/desires and rights. Everyone talks about men being visual, having theis needs, being biologically this and that.... Ok, fair enough, maybe we should understand and accept this all the way, but then let's also consider what WOMEN want sexually, and where they should get their kicks from. We are sexually so much more complex, and often have "2 points" of sexual pleasure that are completely different, and work differently in different situations. Porn is not interesting to me, although I can get aroused by it like guys - altoghether it's a bit boring to me, and I wouldn't bother myself to go looking for penises and handsome men online for sexual purposes. Women are more intimate with their sexual needs (that aren't little), and want to feel special and wanted, and would like to create tension and play in for the situation... This actually really turns me on, so this is where I come to my point: I think women should have every right in the world to go and have a long chat and touchy flirt with a random hot bartender (or whatever will turn you on), whereas guys have the right to have their lap dances and newest porn movies. After all, it's anything but going to bed with the other party.... And since it seems OK to get sexual boosts and exitment from outside the relationship, then let's do it both ways. Men with their visual tools and women with their more intimate moments that make them feel aroused.

For any secure and fair man this should not be a problem, and since the couple is honest with each other, nobody gets hurt. I had this conversation with my new boyfriend, and I told him exactly this. He said (he's a lovely guy, and I know he watches porn sometimes) that it seems OK as long as I don't do it infront of him.

Deep inside I'm however still in the search for the right guy... who has more developed (less primitive) values of life, sexuality and the so called spirituality, as I'm much more into the mental connection. But as for now, I'm glad to be able to spend good times with this fun guy, and at the same time show him something about us women - make him understand more. I don't know if this makes any sense at all, but aren't we living the times of trying to improve iquality? This goes without saying for the sexual rights as well. I at least will get my pleasures as I please (in this relationsip), since men are allowed and encouraged to do so too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2012):

Thank you just a man999, anon male reader 12th Nov (who are you???!), Replacement, anon male reader from the Netherlands, dinosaucer and all other lovely enlightened males who said they reject it - if only more men were like you. Sigh.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (9 May 2012):

I know my answer is late to your question. But YES there are men who don't watch porn at all. They are very few but they are very strong on the inside that they can pick carefully what to think. Yes "control their thoughts" They were not born like this, they were weak once, but they were trained "practiced purity"

Pls don't buy the lie that "everyone watches porn"!

Wish you the best man because you deserve it.

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A male reader, just a man999 United States +, writes (7 March 2012):

just a man999 agony auntTo all men who like any type of porn, or voyeurism,

If you’re in a relationship with a woman already, and taking the mental, unavoidable attraction you had for another woman through your day, to go home and masturbate to it, then that’s out of control. That is not being faithful to your woman. Pretending to have sex with some other woman is pretty much the same as actually doing it. You already want to so what’s the difference to your gf? If your gf said it was okay to screw that woman, you would. If you see a woman you’re attracted to, and want to see her tits, ass, crotch, etc….and stick your member somewhere, then that’s out of control. You are not in the right place to be in a relationship with a woman. You are portraying traits of someone who is single, and what’s worse is this shows that you objectify non-consenting women to receive pleasure for yourself. This shows you do not respect the privacy or humanity of this woman. The woman you are objectifying has not given you consent to take her image and go home to have a relationship with it. You are outside of reality by doing that. Using porn regularly makes men behave this way with women. It turns women into a set of holes and a rack. I don’t know how any man can live with this inside of him and say “all men do it”. It’s a lie. I won’t be that way…. it’s inhuman.

Even though I am a man and have sexual feelings throughout the day, I remain in control of my own choice to push these thoughts out of my mind. Also, I’m not going to take that image of another woman home to MY woman and fantasize I’m with the other….basically USE my own woman while I’m seeing someone else in my head? What is that all about? How can you say you’re in love with your woman and do that? What is the point in that? You aren’t connecting with either of these women in this case. That’s really crazy for men to continue all their lives doing that. That’s just….sleazy. Porn has a very sleazy element to it. Sleazy like the slutty women in porn that most men I’ve been friends with would never want for a girlfriend, (don’t know how they turn men on in the first place with THAT said) so what makes men think women want to be with sleazy guys that watch porn? Even more so, women don’t go brag to their mom and dad that they found a true blue sleaze bag, that watches porn, she’s excited to introduce.

I can appreciate beauty when I see it and take it in….then leave it there. It’s like my body is asking me…”Is it time? Can we have sex now?” “There’s a beauty right there!” It’s up to me to tell my biological section of my brain, to listen to the intellectual side. “No, it’s not time, she is not mine”…..my biological brain doesn’t know the difference whether this beauty is my woman or not….my intellectual brain knows she is not…..so my love for my own woman stops me from wanting to share sexual thoughts with another woman that isn’t mine. I married my woman to share all my sexual desires with HER. Any woman would clearly state they did not get with their partner knowing she will never be the only sexual outlet for him. I’d have to say, if my woman was objectifying men all day and came home later to masturbate to them, it would make me feel unwanted and useless. I want to be THE man she dreams about. The only man that makes her feel that way. That boosts my ego. We all know how important that is to a man. My male friends, this is how it was intended in my opinion. If you are not doing things this way, you’re missing out on an aspect of life that is extremely rewarding. You don’t even know what you’re missing until you apply this and see what happens. Watching porn? You’re selling yourself short by continuing to have an unconnected relationship with images. It is a relationship by definition.

Rule of thumb…..if you have to hide something?…..it is a bad thing. Grow up fellow men, you are still acting out like a child. Women need good men that are in control they can trust. Porn destroys both control and trust.

Hope this helps.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2011):

I dont watch porn.I am NOT a religious person though(i am complete atheist).i used to watch it 2.5 years back.But then i quit.Now,i no longer have a desire to watch that crap.Look for a feminist guy out there ,i am pretty sure they dont watch it.Porn is offensive and some guys do agree.

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A female reader, kendra30752richardz United States +, writes (3 November 2011):

kendra30752richardz agony auntYes! They absolutely exist! I have personal issues with porn and rape to be honest. It doesn't go over well with me and without giong into too much detail, I'll keep it simple here. I had a very traumatic experience a few years back and went through a rough time with myself. I lost all my confidence and developed a real hate for porn. People tend to be so hateful to women when they learn that she doesn't like porn. I've had many hateful encounters over it. People don't understand. To me, it's about respect and so many other things. Anyways, there's a reason people don't like porn. A lot of men say "get over it" or aren't understanding to how hurtful it is to some. People don't like to admit it, but porn is damaging to relationships and can destroy families and marriages.

I used to feel the way you do. I felt hopeless and Id had partners who didnot care to understand or even respect my wishes. Porn is degrading to women and it kind of sends the message that we need to live up to unrealistic expectations if we don't want our husbands/partners to view it. I think it takes a real man to say no to porn. What us women need is more men to stand behind us and speak out!

I'm trying to make this short (sorry). I would like it if you wanted to message me and discuss this type of thing further :) There are men who do not have any interest in porn! My partner and I are strongly against it and he never views it. We have an outstanding, loving and very close relationship too. And let me tell you, intimacy where porn is not involved is like nothing in the world! So yes, those men do exist. My partner and I have been together for 5 years and we do have our little arguments, but not having filth like this in our relationship makes it so much easier. Not wanting porn in your relationship or life is far more than a matter of jealousy or insecurity. Most people blame it on being insecure. Sure, I'm insecure a lot of days, but disliking porn in your relationship is far more than feeling down on yourself! I wish more people would research the topic in depth. I have for years.

Since it sounds like you're pretty serious about having a relationship without this type of thing, I want to suggest a site that you may find comfort and hope in. It's called the ant-porn project for men. I'm a member of FAP (the fight against porn) you might enjoy reading about it or even joining online! Those are places where I find a lot of comfort too. I also enjoy americandecency.org. There all good places to see for yourself that you're not alone and there are tons of people who choose to live a life with real intimacy and bonding. I can't even begin to tell what a difference it makes in a relationship when there's no infidelity and porn! It's a blessing. I'm not a strict feminist, male-hating, sex hating freak. Don't get me wrong, sex is a wonderful thing. But when it's something based on only you and your parnter it's a truly unique experience and creates a totally different kind of relationship. Like I said, I would love to talk with others who have similar feelings. Feel free to message or email me. :) It's always comforting to talk to those and realize you aren't alone. I wish you the best of luck and hope that you'll hold out for someone truly worthy of you and your body instead of giving in to someone who doesn't respect you enough.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2011):

Im fed up with my husband ignoring me for porn. Im seriously considering just ending the relationship and being single for the rest of my life because it is just too heartbreaking to think I will never be the real object of his desire. I work out, I try to dress sexy an do everything he wants and will have sex with him anytime, but he is not interested. When we do (he only wants oral)I can sense his lack of enthusiasm and it seems like he has to think about something else to finally get off, which also takes forever. He says im not doing it as well as I used to but thats not true I know my techniques. He could care less if we ever have sex. Im not exciting to him anymore and he hardly ever talks to me anymore either. I feel like I dont ever want to have sex with him or anyone else ever again. I love sex and my husband. I never even think about anyone else sexually. I just dont let myself go there out of respect and because I dont want him to become less appealling to me in comparison. But I guess he doesnt feel the same for me. He is angry with me alot. I feel like he has no loving emotion for me anymore. Things used to be so different and I miss my best friend.

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A female reader, queen21 United States +, writes (8 June 2011):

DON'T GIVE UP! I have a few things to say but it's not to prove anything, really. Never feel like you have to explain yourself for everyone to believe you. What I'm about to write is for women like you who are looking for hope.

I am happily married and we have a gorgeous 4 month old baby girl in our lives now :) Pornography has never been a problem in our relationship. Since the very beginning, our sex has been great. I don't desire anybody but him. I don't look for pleasure in anybody but him. With such busy schedules, I get butterflies in my stomach just waiting for him to get home from work so that we can have some privacy (after baby has gone to sleep). He has no desire to watch porn because he has ME. I am good enough. Physically and emotionally. I'm THERE. I'm not the wife who is never in the mood. We're not the couple who has sex twice a month. We have sex every other night regularly (yes, even with a baby in our lives) and love each other so very much.

He knows my opinion on porn. He knows that I don't approve of it and he said, "The day I don't find you attractive and have to look to other women for pleasure, is the day that I'll leave you, and that won't ever happen."

We've been together for 4 years. Never once has it been a problem. I use to torture myself wondering, "Does he?" but got my answer in the end. There's absolutely no way he's lying.

Yes, I'm the jealous type. Yes, I can suspicious of everything. But, at the end of the time, I know the truth.

Ladies, you CAN find a man who is going to love and respect you. If he watches porn, he's not respecting you. Have a talk with him. If he understands that to respect you means he has to stop watching porn, then he'll do it. If he does, you'll know for sure how much he loves you and wouldn't want to lose you over something like that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2011):

I'm male, i'm 18 year and i never looked at porn?

Like if women never look at porn?

Its just not possible... even if like me you never do it because you want it, you just get to see it every day on television, music clips, ...

But the problem in all this is that there is actually no difference in what men wants and what women want.

Its just we create the difference.

Don't tell me youre not happy having people look after you.

Or that you don't want to be looked after.

Its a system that already works for ages.

But what is more common is men and women willing to change things because they love each other.

If i would have a girlfriend i probably would do alot to make things amazing. And i'm more then sure that I would do everything i can to not watch women who tries to do sexy and so.

Even if you think i'm ideal, well then I have 1 word for you:

Thankyou (hope this exsists in some weird dialect)

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A male reader, pawn3d United States +, writes (8 May 2011):

I feel really bad for you because you have been left in the dark. Everything you know about relationships has been a lie.

New scientific studies show that ALL MEN WATCH PORN, (or at least 99% of them) it's not just in our nature- it's what you women have done to us by withholding sex from us.

Look, if a man tells you he doesn't watch porn he's either a liar or a schizophrenic, meaning: He doesn't watch porn NOW- at this moment in time, simply because he has you to smack around and fuck. Soon as you take you and your bitching out of the equation; for maybe a short vacation; and he'll be jerking it to all the stuff you wouldn't do for him.

The worst part is that you've been brainwashed to think that men's fantasies are "unbecoming" of a gentleman and women make men feel so bad about this that they turn gay and sleep with other men.

Women's views toward sex is BULLSHIT. A woman can walk in a bar and point and say "You. Let's fuck" end of story. A man has to hunt, fight and wine and dine, persuade and lie and cheat and seduce and rape to get to a feeling that we love the most, a feeling that we cherish, a feeling of euphoria, the only feeling that takes our mind off the day to day misery of working 9-5: THE ORGASM.

I don't know how you did it... Somehow, women have twisted and distorted a beautiful act of intimacy into a currency. You all want "sex to be special" without giving a fucking shit about what we want- what we need. It's like "Hey, can I have some water?" "Too bad, it has to be special" How special does it have to be? $500 special enough? There is CLEARLY an imbalance in the force.

And when the smoke clears, SEX is the only thing on a man's mind. Don't tell me you really don't know why... You see, men talk about sex with other men much like women talk about sex with other women- but men and women NEVER talk about sex- not even if they're married. It's hush hush top secret. Why is this? Women don't want to hear men's war stories and men don't want to hear your survival stories.

Sex has been reduced to predator and prey- and it's 100% your doing. We're so busy trying to get into your pants that we don't even care to learn who you are. Let me spell it out to you:

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS NO

MAN NEEDS SEX ---- WOMAN SAYS OK :)

By this time, he's forgotten that there's more to a woman than sex. Yep, today's key word is "OBSESSION."

Men - ARE - OBSESSED - WITH - SEX.

In comes porn:

"Hi, I'm a thousand sexy girls and I will fuck you in any way you want. The best part about it? I won't complain or resist! In fact, I'll seduce you! I'll beg you to do me the honor and cum on my face!"

Now how does someone like you compete with that? Mind you, this is your creation... Women made men this way. If men said "Hi, I want sex" and you gave it to him, it would be end of story. You might have actually met someone "special"- but you have teased him and tortured him to the point of no return. And in the end, it will be you of whom shall be thy one of whom's fate will be sealed, when you have reduced yourselves to objects. Sexual objects. This war will never end, cause you can't see tits on the radio.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2011):

Although it is impossible to find a men laki this as most of the male start seeing porn out of enthusiasm but later get addicted and use this means as body arousal.

But once they come across a very loving and caring person and who also will indulge in active sex ,they will change.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011):

And when it gets to the point of rejecting your girlfriend for sex based on her not happening to be wearing the right underwear to match her lace bra in that particular moment you decide to pay attention to her sexually.

Geez women in real life aren't constantly wearing sex attire??? But women in porn are always dressed sexy! How confusing! I thought women were meant to be always ready for sex and looking appropriately sexual in their choice of attire, even if they've been sexually ignored for 3 weeks and they're just hanging around the house having just cooked, washed up and scrubbed your crap out of the toilet.

And men wonder why they have a bad name.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 April 2011):

Hello again :) I posted the anon post with all the links at the end. I just read the last few comments - congrats to the other female anon who successfully gave her partner "a slap in the back of the head to see what was in front of him again" and would not tolerate being neglected in that way ever again. I needed to say some of those very things to my partner.

I'm sorry but men need to realise that if you're using porn your partner is going to feel self-conscious/ INADEQUATE/ compared/ neglected etc. on some level, and - as has happened in my situation - after a long time of not being ready to give up on sex yet as anon so rightly put it, now I no longer want to have sex with someone who considers sex with me very take it or leave it, decides after 3 weeks he misses having sex with me, has sex and then is over it again for another few weeks. The problem is that the women and the sex are ever changing. Viewing pornography and especially masturbating to it on a regular basis has real biochemical effects on the brain and body, not to mention our thoughts, feelings, desires, the images or scenes that pass over our minds, our potential for disenchantment and boredom with real sex (I think it is generally accepted that porn is desensitising) and the fact that god forbid, our partner's features and body and overall look doesn't constantly change - how boring! - Perhaps when you are seeing women only from the outside, as objects of your predatory gaze, instead of thinking how much of an ego rub it is to give your partner a good orgasm, or studying her particular responses, sounds and movements, and the course and development of your shared sexual experience. Geez that stuff must be really dull!

I don't understand men who continue to use porn in relationships. If you are unsatisfied in some way use your brain a bit and put some effort into living out a fantasy with your partner or don't get into a relationship before you have other women and experiences out of your system!!!

Ok, Johnny M, can I date you, or one of your friends? Or male reader, anon, below?

I think I'm serious.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2011):

I hate to say it, but I'm beginning to think that most, if not all men are guilty of looking at it, at some point in their lives.

I try to date decent guys, but so many have subscriptions to porn magazines, or look at them on occasion, depite professed beliefs against it.

I even dated a guy who'd dated a nude model and it bothered me, not just because of my professed beliefs, but because I also knew that I would never be able to compete with her in the looks department.

A friend told me that I should google her, but I don't want to and I broke up with the guy 11 years ago, so it doesn't matter anymore. I don't know who doesn't look at it, or have some connection to it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011):

Yes some do exist, however porn is becoming more sociably common so they're getting harder and harder to find..

I find it peculiar for some men to say that all men watch porn because they are naturally visually stimulated, it's 'in their genes'. As a woman I know that I can equally become as excited over watching porn..however when in a relationship I am certainly more fascinated in my sexual relations with my partner, whether that is in the bedroom with him or on my own between the times we see each other.

Also I think it's another false assumption that men need to masturbate more than women. I have plenty of female friends that achieve orgasms daily through self-pleasure (these women I know are all incredibly open about their sex lives, etc.), and thrive on variety. Unfortunately almost all have them have cheated on their boyfriends from time to time..more than once, sometimes I think they're worse than men. Funny how my girl friends who are more sex-driven are comparable to men in their actions when it comes to infidelity...

Many more women are beginning to discuss their sexual fantasies, etc. in the way that men do, and even treat relationships in the same respect. Men are not special, as a woman, I know that I can get randomly in the mood. Orgasms are just as, if not more exciting for me. I'm sure if I watched porn everyday, found situations that excited me, I too could claim that porn was 'a necessity to my life', and that it could even have the power 'to prevent me from getting bored or stop me from cheating in real life'.........I have never understood why people have the tendency to say 'at least he's just watching porn, he could be making his own porn with other women.' How about just having a tiny shred of respect for women and not consider cheating? Didn't know it was that hard to have the desire to not hurt the one you're with ( I mean full out cheating in that case). I think porn is okay in a relationship as long as both parties accept and enjoy it. I feel it becomes wrong when you can't take your girl's heart and self-esteem into consideration for two seconds to even come up with a compromise (so what if she's insecure, we're supposed to help each other through our difficulties in relationships), like sexting for example, or even getting her to send you a new naughty picture every day. Guys may feel that this is objectifying their women, however if your girl is willing to give you pictures..she wants you to enjoy her completely, especially while she's gone.

All in all, I think that there could be more men out there who don't fall back on the excuse of their primal instincts, sure you're going to find others attractive, it's how you regard that attraction that separates you from the animals though. I just know that I have one body, one heart, and one mind, and they're all dedicated to the one I love. Other people think differently, and that's okay...As long as you're open and honest from the beginning you should have no reason to stay single. :)

Random side note: I wonder how men would feel watching porn with their girls that featured buff, handsome male characters, accompanied by unsightly, sagging and rather repulsive women. Might be a bit different, however lots of girls who are into porn are pretty open minded and don't mind the lack of attractive male porn stars.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2011):

You know, I wondered this myself. I used to not really have a problem with pornography. My fiance and I used to enjoy it together. However, we went through a rough patch with unemployment after we had our second child. I was basically replaced with pornography. He started sliding into addiction territory and was trading tons of pics with other friends (he's in his mid-thirties). I went months with him not being able to function. I think this is the part of pornography that most women have a problem with. Most of the boards I have seen, their men are engaging in abnormal use and substituting porn for the real thing. When I discovered by accident (went to get directions, and he was on the computer, and a BUNCH of addresses popped up in the address bar), I was pissed. He kept telling me he was having problems with his erection, but he had plenty of time for porn. He was also looking at inappropriate times. The kids and I would be in the same room, and he would grab the laptop and run upstairs. I was pissed! I thought he was no longer attracted to me, because I had just had a baby. I had been giving him oral sex during the period we couldn't, because I didn't want him to feel deprived. What a fool I was. I told him straight up that I no longer felt comfortable with pornography in our relationship, because I felt it was getting out of hand. I said that I was not ready to give up on sex yet, and if he was, then I was going to find someone to have real sex with me. I just don't see how some of these men can be satisfied with masturbation only. I feel like my body screams out for real release. I know he hadn't had sex in nearly five years before we got together, but I feel like if he had gotten off the computer and outside, he would have been able to find a real girl before me. I enjoy sex, and I think it is one of the most important things in a relationship. It has been nearly a year since we have watched pornography together. I started working out and am in pretty decent shape. We talked and talked and talked, and I was amazed that he had a lot of insecurity with his own body and himself. We have grown a lot closer, and the sex is way better now that we have cleared the air. After doing a lot of reading, I don't think it is the pornography per se, but some of these men's attitudes towards it. I am a very attractive woman, and think my fiance just needed a slap in the back of the head to see what was in front of him again. I don't think all pornography is wrong, and I sometimes miss it myself, but I just feel like when you are in a very long relationship, the fire stays burning longer without other distractions. Not that I expect to be the only person he is ever attracted to or ever masturbates to (I did not even ask, and I would appreciate if he would do the same), but I just asked that from then on, he keeps his fantasy girls in his head and not in my face. It has been difficult, and for a long time, I considered leaving, but now, I am glad I did not. I think you have to have a man that is willing to listen and take you seriously to get past something like this and to actually try to show you that you are important to them. In a strange way, we have gotten closer, but I will not tolerate being neglected in that way ever again.

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A male reader, Johnny M United Kingdom +, writes (28 January 2011):

No, not all men watch porn. I'm a guy and I don't watch porn. I know other guys who also don't watch porn. Porn is anti-woman propaganda rife with degradation. I'm not interested in it.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011):

The majority of men out there watch porn. Most consider masturbation a normal function, especially for a man. Men also respond better to visual and auditory stimulation, hence the porn. This doesn't mean that a man doesn't love a woman if he wathes porn, but our brains and bodies are wired differently.

In my opinion, men who don't masturbate or have an aversion to porn either have a low libido, or probably have issues in their past to cause this, or perhaps they're into something else, which to me is an even scarier option, as it will eventually get found out. If standard porn is the only thing he's into, consider yourself lucky, but the choice is yours.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2011):

Ive never had any desire to watch porn so to say all men are into porn is rather silly. Dont really get men who play with themselves while looking at plotless pictures of nude people.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011):

Hello there. I'm a 13 year old boy and I know it sounds weird for me to advice but boys or men usually give up porn for his girl friend or wife if he loves her. People say loving someone will be better if you forget the past and start a new life. Yes if he told you that he did porn but he will never do it again for you that is good. ok

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2011):

I've dealt with this for 2 yrs in my nearly 2 1/2 yr relationship, 1 yr of working full time and having roughly 3 minor confrontations about it and nearly 1 yr of working little and going mental, constantly paranoid, suspicious, anxious, fearful, heart racing, OCD, constant checking, questioning, hating myself etc. etc. I've tried to accept this, I've tried to alter my perspective, most importantly in the past few months I've tried successfully to shift my focus and be kinder to my partner, but I've also been reading a lot lately and I will leave several links below.

I've previously replied to several other people's qs here regarding this. I've tried to comfort other women and broaden their perspective but I've come to some realisations. I REFUSE TO ACCEPT AND PERPETUATE THE MYTHS. I am breaking out of this mould of BRAINWASHING. It is NOT necessary. There ARE men who DO NOT use it. They are NOT all monks, priests, religious, anti-sex, asexual or mentally unwell. Why are we all accepting these myths? Why should I feel defeated, why can't we believe in possibilities? Open your minds. I tried to open mine about porn but I conclude that I do not appreciate it or expect it in a relationship, it is like all addictions, incredibly lonely and inevitably unfulfilling. I used to think if you're single go for your life, now I don't even agree with that. It is ok if you're curious and not addicted, but porn is incredibly addictive, it teaches men little about sex, nothing about intimacy and a lot about fucking, dominating and controlling (as though men need more reinforcing of these "brave", "manly" traits), not to mention the messages it sends about women and worse yet, young girls. Of course we can intellectualise all that but we cannot escape what we unconsciously internalise, even if we don't agree with it.

I could go on and on. Educate yourselves, men and women. Do not buy into these myths. Do not let people defeat you by telling you absolutes, like ALL men use it, you'll have a hard time finding one... I think it's natural and a given for all men to look at it for a period in their lives, say in their adolescence, and natural and healthy for them to be able to reject it and focus their sexuality on the living, breathing, potentially orgasmic person who is sharing themselves with them. I've dealt with similar video game porn and know exactly what you're talking about triplemock. The 17 yr old male from the Netherlands - you have made me so happy and hopeful. So many other comments I had when I was reading through the posts...

I was glad to see someone all ready linked http://www.oneangrygirl.net/

http://www.oneangrygirl.net/anitpornhome.htm

http://www.themachoparadox.com/note.htm (Everyone should read this book. Written by a man btw)

http://uts.cc.utexas.edu/~rjensen/freelance/pornography&cruelty.htm (Also written by a man)

http://www.nopornpledge.com/is.htm

http://www.fightthenewdrug.org/index.cfm

http://stoppornculture.org/home/

https://www.againstpornography.org/Home_Page.html

http://thepriceofpleasure.com/ (A film - not necessarily anti, more a discussion)

Thank you to all the men who do abstain for whatever reason, you are doing your partners and all women of the world a great service. It gives us immense hope. See, there are several on this one post, on this one site, who actually took the time to post. They are out there, and probably more than you think.

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A male reader, dinosaucer United States +, writes (1 October 2010):

it's not true that ALL men watch porn.

I recently gave up porn. Why? The objective sadness of jacking off to a screen alone in my room; The fact that porn reduces individuals within the video as flesh perform to my orgasm; the fact that it forces you to man up and get out there and talk to girls since a major sexual crutch has been taken away.

So in a textbook definition it is not true that all men watch porn because i don't. And it's not because of a religious impulse (agnostic) and it's not a confused sexual orientation thing ( I love the ladies and sex is on my mind constantly). It's merely the fact that I don't want to see other people fucking because I wouldn't do that in my immediate environment - how different is it that it's on screen?

I'm not saying it's a moral failing if dudes do watch porn. My best buddies all watch porn and I'll be the first to tell you that they are much better men than me in many ways. I think society has driven a lot of men to watch more porn than they otherwise would because it says every guy watches porn, implying that those who don't are fringe elements.

Porn is irrevocably watching someone else fucking and you getting off on that. That's it. If couples are ok with watching people fuck in their bedrooms, living rooms, pool tables, etc then they should be ok with watching porn.

I don't think women should write that off. Demanding respect and loyalty from your man is not something that you should compromise ladies. There are not many things that I really stand behind in relationships, but I do believe that porn can do nothing but strip some dignity away from your relationship.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2010):

Look, I have been with my fiancee now for 8 years. Do I watch porn? Yes. Why? Because we don't have sex very often between work and household responsibilities. When we first got together, say the first 3 years of our relationship, we had sex everyday, sometimes 2-3 times a day. Now, we are lucky if we have sex 2 a month. I'm sorry, but no man can wait weeks at a time. The reason for turning to porn is because a lack of sex. If we had sex a couple of time a week I wouldn't need porn. But the fact of the matter is men have a biological urge to ejaculate on a regular basis (daily or every other day). Porn has nothing to do with beauty or bad sex, but usually a lack of sex or of sexual satisfaction. So, ladies, if you and you man have sex often and he still watches porn, i guarantee the reason is a lack of sexual satisfaction. You need to sit done and talk about the issue. Tell him to be honest about your sex life and, now this is important, you ladies cannot get mad when he tells you. If you want honesty in the future about these things you need to control your emotions when you talk about it. The truth is that you may be lackluster in bed, or that he wants you to do something but knows you don't want to do it. You need to be honest and discuss your sex life openly and without overreacting. Remember, if he doesn't find you attractive he would never have talked to you in the first place. I know that sounds harsh but its true. Men are visual creatures. Bottom line. I know, women on here will call me a jerk and say I'm insensitive, blah, blah, blah. But hey, I'm just not gonna sugar coat it. If the man you meet watches porn, give him a reason not to. Satisfy him sexually and often. I guarantee that will alleviate the problem. One women on here wrote virtually the same thing I did. Her and her husband have sex all the time even though they are in their 40's, and he doesn't watch porn. Maybe she is onto something ladies!

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A female reader, charliesdevil73 United States +, writes (14 September 2010):

charliesdevil73 agony auntIt is not wrong for you to want to find a man that does not watch porn. But, actually finding a man like that will be hard. I know from experience the pain a woman can feel when they find out their man watches it. But, let me reassure you that men do it for themselves for reasons that have nothing negative to do with their love and passion for you. Men and women ARE wired differently and no matter what anyone says, men are EXTREMELY visual. They are usually horny all the time, even when they don't want to be.

Now, on to your comments "I hope to be his only and for him to get his sexual arousal from my body alone" and "I cant imagine ever being happy to share my body with man who uses porn". Two things, he would probably be thinking of you and things you two have done when looking at porn. My fiance has told me that he does this most of the time. He just needs a little more help visually to make it happen for him. Second, I am confused by what you mean by "sharing" your body. I assume you are relating porn to another woman. If so, you are NOT sharing your body with it. Trust me, that's not it at all. If you don't own one already, maybe you should invest in a toy for yourself and see how wonderful it can be to please yourself and not have to worry about someone else. That is another reason they look at porn, self pleasure without worrying about their other half. If you do get a toy, I would recommend a waterproof one and a shower head with a hose :)

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A female reader, bville15 United States +, writes (17 August 2010):

I completely agree with Anonymous on February 17...There are a few good men left out there..I spent so many years of my life with the worst kind of men..and I thought that was just expected behavior of all male species..porn, cheating, playboys, etc.. But, it's truly not, and it took one amazing man to show me that. So, you will NOT be alone..just don't settle for anything less than what you want!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010):

No, you do not have to plan on being alone. There are men who don't watch porn. Watching porn, looking at other women, looking thru Playboy, all have one thing in common...THERE CHOICES. I understand that men may be "biologically inclined" to be aroused visually, However, don't let anyone convince you that they don't have choices. You have a choice. All men are not the same. You will never have to compromise your values to be with anyone that is "right" for you. If he can't let porn go, if he believes that he's completely controlled by his "visual" queues "he's not the ONE", so move on. Let some other girl settle for him. You should rather be alone than be with someone that you're not compatible with. So relax, enjoy "yourself" and have fun.

I'm not saying that your cup will be running over with good men but I'm saying that quality men do exist. The man that you're looking for does exist!!! Don't settle!

You will find someone that loves you and respects you and his reality will merge with yours.-that's a couple.

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A male reader, honest1 United States +, writes (13 February 2010):

Two things of note.

1) I highly doubt you're a woman aged 26-29.

2) If you are, and if you're honestly asking if you should stay single in lieu of finding a man that only gets arousal from your body alone (for all his life mind you), you will end up alone, unhappy, or both.

I hate to be so blunt and pessimistic, but you're asking for a lot without taking into consideration that men and women are wired completely differently. Men respond to visual queues. He sees a pretty lady walking down the street, he's going to look, and the sooner you stop getting upset and paranoid about him checking out other women (or watching porn to stay on topic), the less-stressed you will be, and the more you can focus on the parts of your relationship that you CAN control. I'm willing to bet than 90% of men will say they would be completely okay with their girlfriends/wives checking out other guys from time to time, and that's mainly because they also don't realize that women just don't care (as much) about visuals.

Cut men some slack. This is coming from a morally sound, often altruistic man himself, who intends to be fully committed to his wife for the rest of his life. There will come a time, this is sad to admit, but the truth may hurt in this case: Men know in the back of their minds that their wives will PHYSICALLY become less attractive one day. That will have no bearing on the hormones and the stuff called semen aching to get out of his body well into his middle-aged years. This does not reflect on how much they love their wives, but it's a natural process. Have fun with it, and so long as your man remains loyal to you, who cares? You're just going to depress yourself to no end if you keep being so controlling and expect a man not to look at or fantasize about anyone but you. There are a number of things my wife refuses to do and will never do, that I can only get satisfaction from out of a gross fantasy flick (and my imagination as a result). It's all about pleasure, and that's why we masturbate so much. Remember: Just because men watch porn doesn't mean they respect the cast.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 January 2010):

I have asked this questions myself many times, and have surveyed many males, both friends and lovers. The result is this...you will find men who will lie to you and say "I never watch porn" and you will find men who are honest with you and say "all men watch porn, and all men watch porn to assist with jerking off". This is a horrible conclusion, I know trust me. And my advice to you is find a man (if you can) who will respect you and your feelings, and if he knows you are against pornography, and he loves you, it won't be an issue for him to refrain from it.

I also think it is disgusting on many levels. It objectifies women, it is an unrealistic portrayal of sex and intimacy, and it put pressure on all of us women to fit into a specific type of girl both physically and sexually. I don't buy into it! Be happy with yourself, do not let any man take that from you, love yourself and do not put up with that garbage in any relationship. If you find yourself single because of this, then my friend you are in a better position, than being miserable with a partner. Check out this link, there are many women/girls who share this viewpoint.

http://www.oneangrygirl.net/

Best of luck.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2010):

I'm in my mid teens, just finished with a boyfriend who was 3 years older than me. The first night we spelt together was of course my first time, and he claims his, for too much respect for women; one we had finished we wathed the rocky horror piture show, at if you have seen it at the end yes one of the girl girls does "get her tits out" he of ourse pointed this out and then claimed she was his favourite because she was the "chick who got her tits out" this of course hurt me, very deeply but i was too shy to say anything, we then came on to the dissscion of porn he told me he just liked to look at "chicks" but naked" with some "masturbation" this is probably one of the most digusting things a boyfriend has EVER said to me.

i told my friend Joe about this (yes a boy) he said that he was completly ut of oder and that as his girlfriend i had the right to tell him to stop, this is what i did, he swore that he would, over ten times i caught him doing it anyway, whislt looking for a website in his histroy the complete and utter flith thta he had typed in, made me feel sick, one time i was complaining about miley cirus being nude on the internet beause she was a young girls role model, and then he even owned up to looking up the pitures, but only through curiosity, not to get turned on by BULL SHIT, as i am typing this i am getting angier and angier.

In the summer holidays me and him were sleeping together serval times a day and yet he still found the need for porn. prick. this was not the only problem we had with sex, he would sometimes try and FORCE me to sleep with him! i would slap him hard as i could in the face and he would brust into tears and tell me how sorry he was, he also refused to use protetion, meaning at 14 i had 6 months of taking prehnacy tests by myself in the public toilets. when i was scared about being pregnant he was off laughing with his friends irgoring me completly playing his stupid xbox!!!!!

he would mock me by rubbing things in like celebrities he'd seen naked, then add it was before i was with you so it looked like

and can you believe all of these

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 July 2009):

Wow, now there is a really good question. I think that the answer is no. All men at one time or another have been curious about their sexuality and looked at porn in one form or another. Even if it was just opening an issue of Playboy as a teenager. I think that women have done the same. I know that when I started to discover that there were differences between boys and girls I was curious. Does this mean that I am into porn and think that you should be too? No, not at all. The thing is that I have grown up and realized that there is no place for porn in my life... much like you have.

I think that is where the problem lies. Men are far more immature than women. Men don't think that there is anything wrong with porn even if it hurts their woman's feelings and crushes their self esteem. Men feel they have every right to do what they want, when they want with no repercussions. In other words... men are selfish. I hope that they are not all like this but it has been my experience that most are. I cannot tell you if you should stay single or not. But I will suggest that you don't.

Why? Well, right now you are wondering if you are better off alone or not. Wouldn't you rather know for sure? I would. And I did find out for myself. Like you, I have always thought that I would never want to be in a relationship with a man who is into porn. I found a man who by all accounts is great. He cooks, cleans (do you know how hard it is to find a man that helps around the house?), brings flowers home for no reason.... does all the nicest things. A dream guy as it were – except for the porn. He is a classic porn addict.

I know that there are probably other women out there saying, “So what is the problem?” But for me porn is a deal breaker no matter how wonderful the man is. I spent three years trying to make our relationship work but just couldn't do it. The more he watched internet porn the more I learned to hate him and less I wanted him to touch me. To me it felt like all the nice things he did was just his attempt to ease his guilty conscience. The experience taught me that for me it is indeed better to be single than to be in a relationship with a man who watches porn... but I didn't know that for sure until I went through all that. Now I am sure that I am happier and better off alone.

You need to be able to decide that for yourself too. Trust me it isn't easy... it is a long and painful road but from walking it you will know what you can or can not live with. I wish you the best of luck with it. And if what you are truly wanting in life is a relationship with a porn free man I hope you find him. If you do find him ask him if he has an older brother of a like mind because where I would rather be alone than with a man who watches porn what I would really love is to find a good man who isn't into it at all.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2009):

My husband does not watch porn. He does not go to strip clubs either. It is not too much to ask of the right man but you have to get the right guy or else he will just do it in secret. Pornography was a dealbreaker for me early in our relationship, and I told him that. He told me that he liked looking at magazines and movies (Hustler was his favourite) but compared to a real women, he would take the real women any day. I am a very jealous and naturally suspicious person and could not stand the thought of my man getting off on another women's body. Some people may say I am insecure or controlling but we have been happily married for 19 years and still have sex almost every day. Oh, and despite what other posters said that men who do not look at porn don't have a very high sex drive, my husband has a very high sex drive. He is turning 45 next week and can still bang me several times in one day. So, yes there are men who do not look at porn but from what I have read, it is pretty rare. If you find one that has a high sex drive and condition him to only get hard when he looks at you, it is worth the wait. However, you have to keep him sexually happy. Don't act frigid and don't use sex as a weapon. Happily indulge him consistently and he will never have to look at porn to get what he wants.

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A female reader, heybigspender United Kingdom +, writes (27 May 2009):

Men will always watch porn it is something I think we will just have to deal with. I am 24, extremely good looking, do glamour and underwear modeling and have a naturally VERY curvy body which my boyfriend loves. He pesters me for sex all the time, so most people would think he would not need to look at porn but he does. We have had so many arguments over this but now I have come to accept that he will always view porn it is so easily assessable nowadays and no matter how good looking and perfect you are as his girlfriend it won’t make anything difference. It such a shame but it’s the reality that we have to live with! x

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009):

I actually have been wondering this same thing too....glad someone else asked this question. When I met my fiancee he didnt have alot of porn 1 movie to be exact and didnt purchase girly magazines either he was open about it with me and that was cool. He ended up cheating on me a few months after I lost my virginity too him and although I chose to stay with him after awhile I started to change ie become very insecure because the girl he cheated with was so gorgeous and I am and have always been just average looking, I couldnt help it but things like porn and perving on naked chicks etc started to bother me due to my own insecurity issues from feeling not good enough when he cheated. After awhile we moved out together and I was unpacking his stuff one day and noticed his porno wasnt where he usually kept it, I asked him what he had done with it and he said he had given it to my brother lol which he had. I hadnt asked him to do this but he knew it did upset me him looking at it since he cheated. Its years down the track now we are still together and I still have issues with porn and dont want him looking at it behind my back I cant help but feel betrayed if he does this....I havent caught him looking at it behind my back and we have talked and he has told me that he wouldnt want me doin it to him so he wont do it to me but because of infidelity in the past I dont know whether to completly trust if he is looking at it if he would tell me the truth or not, I cant help but think about it alot when I am not home and to make it worse a shit stirring ex-friend of mine turned around when we were fighting and told me she knew that he does look at porn behind my back to prove that I didnt know everything, that has got my mind racing and me worried. He has a high sex drive but he knows that I am always there when he wants it and I am not a prude and am happy to experiment, make our own movies/photographs for his viewing....I know its important to try new positions and keep the spark there.

All my friends tell me that there isnt a guy out there that doesnt look at porn and again that gets me thinking am I just being a fool in trusting what he is telling me?

I feel the same as alot of the other women on here, its a personal choice and no one is wrong or right just because we dont like it doesnt make us wrong, even though that arguement has been thrown at me alot during my life, ppl think I am WEIRD cause I dont like it, and that at times makes me feel really alone cause I cant really talk to my friends as they dont understand and are like what is the big deal...thanks to whoever wrote this question and to everyone who answered it for the broad view and opinions. And in closing it was really nice to see that there are other ladies out there like me and I am not as weird and different as everyone makes me out to be :(

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2009):

Answer: They exist but you most probably won't want them. They're monks or priests or religious fanatics that associate porn with divine evil. Most cases their beliefs forbid them to LOOK at another woman, that would include you too. That said, you shouldn't stay single because of this, it's totally absurd unless you're a nun.

I have no issues with my husband looking at porn. What I don't understand is why previously we used to share porn (yes we're such carnal creatures) but now after we've moved houses he lies that he can't find them. Yeah right. I chanced upon them by accident when trying to make a jammed drawer unstuck; and looking for past issues of PC Magazine only to find some porn mags in between go figure.

I have to disagree with those respondents who accuse you of being insecure. The truth no woman will willingly admit they felt horrified and disgusted the FIRST time they discover their husband/partner has been hiding porn from them. As time went on they slowly get accustomed to accepting his secretive antics. Don't let them beat you down girl, they have started feeling awkward like you before. Also being uncomfortable with your man looking at porn hardly ever equates to you feeling less than his perfect woman. Sure there are few insecure women out there but truly the minority. We're just upset the Love of Our Life chooses to let his mind wander and fantasize about having sex with other women when we're here offering ourselves to them hot, ready and unsatisfied. I don't know why they do this, I'm guessing they're fantasizing about the girl they can't have.

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A female reader, triplemock United States +, writes (6 February 2009):

Oh one more thing, important to this ques. I have dated a lot, most men do watch, search, look, thats fine. None of my ex's ever did it in my face,( the only guy who did, i broke it off with in haste!! discreet is the way to go, keep that crap under the bed or........IN THE CLOSET) so you don't insult ppl you love.Twice finding that raunchy crap on TWICE in the middle of the day. That dude needed a life and was NOT partner material. Never allowed myself to fall in with a disrespectful man again. MEN if you have a great woman, one you look at others wives and go damn i'm lucky, your a fool if shes's not more important than vulger images.

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A female reader, triplemock United States +, writes (6 February 2009):

What a topic, I've been with my guy for three years, and at the age of 36 I'm still pretty hot, i don't mind a lil' porn every once in a great while!! but to be exhausted and wake up and he's NOT playing video games on the pc.,he's findin' him some strange ( TO Look AT)!! Anyway he did'nt let me know he was'nt getting enough to live on!!!!Which is anytime he shows interest ( hey i'm his, right?) LOL Anyway now he's found a way to get these games they have out there, where you can get your virtual chick to act and do EXACTLY what a man wants the way he wants it. OHHHHH, he shares this crap with guys at work too, AND that is soooo unfair, as an excuse to find this crap online 'cause honey if u saw Their wives you would c y they NEED it. But i'm not bored OR boring, so how can he do this with an attractive wife 3 feet away on a plush bed? Should'nt he desire me FIRST? At frickin' least let me try? He watches this crap, and then expects me to be the aggressive one, so he does'nt invade my space, and all it's done is led to me being LESS forthright with it,now i feel like he's being entertained elsewhere, Soooooo screw it!!(PUN INTENDED) Men watch PORN b/c those women do ANYTHING and EVERYTHING their wife may not want to do and they do it

to PAID! Their own husbands r looking elsewhere to, if they can even get one to keep them after they show all. I don't look, my freinds r'nt staring at other men either(THE MARRIED ONES)I LUST for NO ONE but my husband!!!!And HE respectfully should be the same, or i guess hands on, will need to be tossed if he's got his entertainment somewhere else, i don't give a rats ass if he's looking at a naked woman next door or on the p.c.,(you will love this)he says he does'nt look to get aroused, just curious!!(WHATEVER) If he needs something EXTRA he should ALWAYS cum here first!!!! sorry about the tacky ending. But i get so tired of MEN backing each other up on this, if your single porn away,outgrow it please,HORNY HORNY HORNY IS SOOOOO old.Grow up

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2008):

when i was in my early teens i watched a fair amount of porn, but now that im older its just a once in a while thing.

some of my mates never watch porn, some watch far too much. the ones who dont watch any tend to be the strange types.

so yes there are some out there, but they probably are afraid of trying it out, are confused about their sexuality (if we're talking about porn that straight men usually find attractive), or have mental issues.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008):

I think most men do watch porn, I know its not nice to hear! when i met my husband I asked him if he was into it and he said no, after we got married I found porn on the internet and was very upset.

I think its very unrealistic to expect to find a man who hasnt looked at porn at some point in his life. Saying that I also believe it is totally fair for you to ask a man that you love and who loves you back to give up porn for you.

Its such a sensitive issue for a women and there is no right or wrong. Some women (like myself) dont want it in their marriages or relationships as we feel so much more contented with our man and ourselves without it in our partners life. Some women really dont mind their partner watching it and may also watch themselves!

A man who loves and respects you for who you are will give it up for you. A man who wont you should let walk away and he will find a women who doesnt mind it.

My husband and I have a much better sex life and are so much more connected when porn is not in our lives. My husband would be the first to tell you that, he would also admit that sometimes he is tempted but would not risk hurting me and loosing my trust and everything else. I think its a small price for a man to pay to be honest!

I hope this helps

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 October 2008):

im a guy and i dont watch porno.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2008):

---COMING FOR YOUR RESCUE ----

Porn is porn, whether watched as a habit, or once in a while. The sole purpose is to make one captive. There is no such thing as soft-porn. It captures your mind, body and even ones emotion. It has side effects that are subtle but starts becoming apparent. One thing that led me to this site is that I was the victim of watching porn once. I tell you, even a single watch is dangeorus and disasterous. Now, why do some feel guilty when they have COMPLETED watching porn? Because it is morally wrong. It makes them go farther away from the truth. Just like Adam sinned and went farther away from God. Friends, don't watch porn. If you are addicted, I suggest you pray for deliverance. Lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes (and pride of self) are the only ways that perishes a person, and the BLOOD OF JESUS is the only way to receive deliverance from such lust and pride. Now, you might say: "But its unavoidable". I know it is, that's why you need to CALL upon the BLOOD of JESUS to CLEANSE you. CALL OUT LOUD, REBUKE THE DEVIL, DEVIL IS AFRAID OF THE BLOOD OF JESUS. You might ask "how many times?". The answer is, as many times as Satan brings obnoxious and perverted thoughts and desires, keep of resisting him. He will flee. Trust me, and trust the HOLY BLOOD OF JESUS even more, you will be delievered, and can leave a peaceful and happy life. You will also impress your woman in doing so. You don't have to confess anything to any human, yes that's right. All you have to do CONFESS, SEEK FORGIVENESS and DELIEVRANCE from JESUS ONLY. He is the only person who will understand you and release you from such bondage. Remember, never be afraid to SHOUT A FAITHFUL PRAYER TO JESUS, HIS BLOOD WILL CLEANSE YOU FROM ALL BONDAGE AND GIVE YOU THE PEACE, JOY and SATISFACTION you are so much looking for.

For those who are saying that they don't feel guilty or have no emotional feelings when or after watching a porn, they are lying. They want to pull you in. Don't listen to them!

My heart goes out to those who want to release themselves from such addictions or those who are pursuing such dangerous course. Please CALL THE BLOOD OF JESUS, and HE WILL SAVE YOU, EVERYTIME, AND ALL THE TIME. Write the prayer below, and SHUTDOWN YOU WHOLE COMPUTER, AND SAY THIS PRAYER OUT LOUD. MAKE SURE YOU CAN CLEARLY HEAR YOURSELF PRAYING THIS PRAYER:

LORD JESUS, CONQUERER and GREAT VICTOR OF SIN AND DEATH, PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR MY LUSTFUL DESIRES. TAKE MY DESIRES AND TURN THEM IN TO TRUE AND GENUINE LOVE THAT I MAY ENJOY LIFE AS YOU HAVE CREATED ME TO DO. I CALL UPON YOUR BLOOD, JESUS, TO CLEANSE ME, TO RENEW MY WHOLE BODY, HEART, MIND, AND SPIRIT, RIGHT NOW! GIVE ME YOUR STRENGTH, WISDOM, AND POWER JESUS, TO FIGHT THIS LUST AND SEE THE TRUTH CLEARLY. I REBUKE THE DEVIL OF LUST AND GUILT IN THE MIGHTY NAME OF JESUS. I KNOW JESUS, BY FAITH, THAT YOU HAVE FORGIVEN ME AND DELIEVERED ME TODAY. I THANK YOU SO MUCH, FOR YOUR WISDOM, UNDERSTANDING, AND STRENGTH. IN JESUS' MIGHTY NAME I PRAY, AMEN.

Now you may turn you PC!

Have a blessed day and my prayers with you all.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008):

I sometimes look at porn (when I don't have a girlfriend or my girlfriend is away), but I've seen enough of it to realize that it is boring and pale next to the real thing. I actually bought some tonight and am looking forward to watching it with her! But I can certainly live without it.

As for looking at other girls, yes, who doesn't? Naked or not, an attractive woman is a pleasure to behold. No one is saying that you have to start chasing them, but surely you can look!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008):

There are men out there who don't watch porn - once they have found you, all they can see is a beautiful, sexy woman who is everything they ever wanted. There is no possible way that any other woman in the entire world could turn him on as much as you do. He worships only you, loves only you, is entirely dedicated to only you, would do anything in the world for you, and only wants to make you happy. All he sees, loves and desires is you.

Wouldn't a man like that be the best thing, just imagine it!

...

Now for all you ladies who just imagined that scenario... caught ya!; because that was womens porn - fantasizing about someone other than your partner.

Men have their porn, us women, have our own.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2008):

I hate men.

I hate my boyfriend.

WHY DO YOU JERKS NEED TOO LOOK AT OTHER WOMEN NAKED.

I swear to God I never find other men attractive. I'm so pissed off because my boyfriend who apparently "Doesn't need porn" because he has me and I'm so beautiful blah blah bullshit, has been looking up asian women with insanely huge tits. Well I`m sorry my boobs are small. I`m sorry i`m not good enough you stupid jerk.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2008):

I have been with my boyfriend almost two years and he has never liked porn before. I recently have been finding things that I don't like. It upsets me a lot because he never tells me the truth anymore and I have to go to his friends to try to get the truth out of him(I know that is wrong). I do not like men that watch porn and it upsets me a lot to think my boyfriend has to go somewhere else to be happy when I am right in front of his face. I have been accusing him of things, but I don't even know if he does it yet, but I know him well enough to know his actions. I'm afraid that if he does watch porn, that's gonna be the end of our relationship.

Any advice?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (16 October 2008):

All I want to say is that there are indeed men who don't watch porn. Sure I did once myself. I was young and I was exploring. But when I met my girlfriend at the age of 14, I logically quit. I even stopped masturbating and not only for her. She's very happy with all this and I am too. Not (only) because I make her happy to have (sadly) such a special boyfriend, but also because I like to control myself. I'm not gonna jerk off or watch naked women other than her because of some stupid compulsion. I think that's wrong and I know it would hurt my girlfriend.

So they are out there. Don't give up. You'll find one eventually. And when you find him: love him, reward him, make him happy and tel him know how happy you are with him. Good luck! (By the way: I'm just a 17-year-old from the Netherlands. Take that, you stupid men of 30+ who can't even leave masturbating and watching porn!)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2008):

This issue is not about porn being right or wrong.

This issue is about whether porn is right or wrong FOR YOU. You don't like porn, so it is therefore wrong for you - all the people trying to justify it and force it on you are telling you to settle for unhappiness.

Most importantly, be true to yourself. It is better to be single and happy than in a relationship and miserable, regardless of whether it's due to porn, drugs or any other form of disrespect.

Remember, it is not about the rightness or wrongness of any form of behaviour, it is about what is right or wrong FOR YOU PERSONALLY. If it makes you unhappy, don't accept it!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (5 October 2008):

I am a male who watches a lot of porn. It's a different story that I am trying to break that habit but I am afraid that it progressed in to an addiction (I just can't stop that habit anymore!!). I am sure there are guys who think its moral wrong to watch porn and don't indulge in it. However, you also need to understand that, men in general, are prone to appreciate beautiful females. It's a lie that any man doesn't get affected when an hot woman passes by in front of him. They tend to look. Now, isn't it the same thing with women? Doesn't a desirable man get your attention even if you are married. Now, where you draw the boundary is the real question and probably what you should be contemplating about your man.

Forgive me if my answer doesn't make any sense to you! Good luck!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 September 2008):

No your not wrong and no they don't exist, I've learned they don't watch it to get hard the watch it to learn new (pactions?) As long as he isn't hiding them cool down. A good way to stop it also is go buy a camcorder and make yall own, hell love it:) trust me had the same problem

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 September 2008):

It's easy to make exuses for our selfish desires. Saying that there is nothing wrong with porn is like saying there is nothing wrong with drinking and doing drugs...all the above are addictions and diseases,"rehab" I think is the word they use for treatment. Yup, pornography is also anaddiction, so don't try to make a twisted issue look so normal. True, it's an adult choice and as imperfect human beings we make stupid choices that positively destroy your morality and relatioships. AND, not everyone has self-control or self-discpline which makes you follow in the steps of those ignorant, self-destructive porn stars. Men, don't don't forget that you are contributing to sites that child molesters log onto. This entire world is governed by Satan, it's up to you if you let him tempt you into the worst.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008):

Porn is normal for men, like it or not.

But if you've dealt with a man with a real problematic addiction to porn, you do not need to feel like you'll have to tolerate THAT in any man.

Being attracted to other women and actually looking are not always going hand in hand. And some men just aren't as into it as others.

And also, try to understand that what porn looks like is not entirely what every viewer wants to see. I think the average male porn user does not enjoy being nearly as demeaning & dominating towards women as the average porno is showing. Pornos are partly a product of what the people MAKING the porn like, and there are some real dirtbags in that industry.

It's like how a lot of women might enjoy "Sex and the City" or "Desperate Housewives" but they would not actually want to copy the lives of those characters themselves. Those shows are exaggerated escapist stuff.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2008):

Im a man that doesnt watch porn my gf is the only one that makes me feel sexually aroused. she is beautiful to me!! even after 13 years!!

I havnt even considered watching it and i dont find any other girls attractive appart from my gf. I dont masterbate lol she does it for me.. I dont rely on her to she wants to so i let her obviously returning the favour because i want her to feel good. masterbating is disgusting and i hate that most men do it... its like having fake sex... how can you touch yourself like that unless its a girl doing it ugh... you know what its like to feel another guys genitals then. its just like watching porn its NOT REAL. I hate everything to do with FAKE.

Ryan 28, Manchester

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A male reader, Replacement Canada +, writes (7 September 2008):

Replacement agony auntI am a man who doesn't watch porn.

Don't settle for a man who isn't compatible with you. You must both be happy to live a porn-free existence, don't force a man who watches it to change, he will never be happy and neither will you. It's something a couple has to decide together, and both partners must be happy with the decision.

I am perfectly happy without porn. My girlfriend appreciates my fidelity. We have a strong bond and a great sex life.

Don't give up and stay single unless that is what would truly make you happy. Keep looking, we exist.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2008):

i agree with chicken licken, i think it has a lot to do with personal insecurities and or relationship issues (whether it be emotional, inability to commit, inability to 'free' yourself sexually). Whatever issue(s) their may be, causes us as women to criticise ourselves by comparing unrealistically to other women. Consequently, this affects our relationship which then becomes a downward spiral to a lot of bitterness and less sex with our partners (almost forcing them to watch porn!!)

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (6 September 2008):

eddie agony auntYou shouldn't stay single but you should be a little more in tune with the reality of the situation. Most importantly though, you need to define what "arousal" means to you. Is arousal merely noticing another woman, getting an erection, masturbating to porn etc? If I see a woman I find to be really attractive, my mind is momentarily aroused. Or in other words, it has received a message that my eyes noticed something, my brain has a file for. That file is full of things I find attractive. Big deal! From that file, I make comparisons and choices. That file helped me to choose my wife, based on what she had and how it compared to my mental arousal fie. You have one too. That is how you chose your partner. Even if he was your first partner, you still had a "potential file", based on your life experiences to that point.

It is normal to expect that your future mate to only get his "physical" sexual arousal from you. "Mental" arousal is another issue. You can not control someones thought process. If we encounter someone or something and we find it to be what we consider appealing, the thought has been processed. The thought can not be stopped. The amount attention we give the thought can be controlled, but not the thought.

I have another example. Let's assume you marry your mate. At some point your mate dies and you're single again. It is possible for you to find a new mate. That is because there is another person out there who could arouse you. There is another person you find attractive on this planet. Based on what your mental file consists of, he interests you. It is important to remember that you would also have found him attractive if you were still married. The difference is that your "interest" level would have been different if you were in a healthy marriage.

Our mental file is full of images, memories, thoughts, likes, dislikes etc. These are things we experience in life. It helps us to makes decisions that define who we are.

So, to answer your question, looking at another persons body is normal. Porn is one extreme, noticing an attractive person is another. You may not like porn. That is your choice. But, if you ever expect to be the only person who even arouses interest in your partner's mind, you're not being realistic. There is a big difference between attracted to someone and being interested in someone. One is a thought and the other is a potential action.

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A female reader, nice bitch United States +, writes (6 September 2008):

Women, you are all saying the same thing. The real question is; What is the norm in order to deal with it.

Both women and men are equally visually stimulated, we are all just seeing mostly women we're all stimulated by it they sexually us we don't want to go there. Research shows our body parts are virtually the same ours is in. Our trigger points are in different locations that theirs, most women don't seek sexual things because the points aren't known. We don't get what we could be out of sex so we don't prioritize it. Books can teach you about this, also studies show pornography is the path to pedophilia. If they do it too much the stimuli get less and they require more. They bible I think says it is cheating. I wrestle the same crap. so my angle is it is entertainment that should not be forbidden all should be open and let each other know the caliber of desire for, both should agree on its use, not never to do alone but not be creapy massive alone use. Each should tell hot irrantants or dislikes and take turns not having or dealing with personal turn-ons without ridicule, try to hit each others needs. and get the hell out, or get help if its massive in all areas. dangerous to heart body esteem on and on.

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A male reader, Jamer70 United Kingdom +, writes (6 September 2008):

Jamer70 agony auntYes prehaps there are men who dont watch porn. But if you expect a man to never be aroused in any other way besides your body is undreal. Men see other women, pictures and tv and can be aroused if they want to be or not. Fact is i find your points to controlling the fact you want a man to only look at you and you though is what should be isnt what happens in the world and isnt how people operate.

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A female reader, PsyCookie United States +, writes (5 September 2008):

PsyCookie agony auntYes they exist! In a magical land were ALL women are NOT naggy and ALL men pay attention!

And if you close your eyes, shake your head, you can imagine seeing it.

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A female reader, nellynelly1305 United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2008):

nellynelly1305 agony auntAll men watch porn and masturbate wheather they admit to it or not. the good thing here is that when they do watch porn and masturbate they think and fantasise of their girlfriend. so maybe it doesnt feel nice for us girls but watching porn is absolutely normal for men

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A male reader, JTalbott United States +, writes (5 September 2008):

JTalbott agony auntYou're the only person that can enjoy the sexual pleasure your body gives you. Said differently, you can't experience another person's orgasm, they can't experience yours. So in a sense, the best sex is when you get what you want and your partner gets what they want out of it in the way they they want it.

So savor your human experience and let your significant other find his in the manner that bring him happiness.

Just do it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008):

There's no need to stay single. I don't know what the entry requirements are, but perhaps you could apply to join the Amish community?

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (5 September 2008):

Danielepew agony auntYou brought several ideas to the table.

Expecting your man to be committed to you is fine. But, expecting that he might never ever get aroused by seeing another woman is unreal. All people have eyes and sexual desires and they are supposed to work with anyone, not just you. I think you need to realize that such an idealized thing does not exist. The sooner you do this, the better; you will be happy because you will have a relationship that exists in the real world.

You may not need another man for arousal, but I am sure you have got aroused by more than one man.

When I was a kid, most of us had our first glimpse of female flesh from porn magazines. They were smuggled with perhaps more zeal than drugs, and they were way more forbidden. That happened some years ago. Some advertisements you see on TV these days would have been unthinkable when I was a child, and would have been considered "pornography". These days, when porn is that easily available, I don't think there's a man who hasn't looked at porn (save for the blind, maybe?). Maybe there's one, but he will be hard to find. I think that a more realistic expectation is to hope to find a man who may have looked at porn, perhaps too enthusiastically, but prefers the real thing once he has it.

All in all, I think you need to get your feet on the ground. If you can't picture yourself in a relationship that's not your ideal one, I'm afraid you can't be in a real relationship.

I sincerely hope this helps.

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A female reader, Lilly Rose United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2008):

Lilly Rose agony auntMy boyfriend doesnt watch porn! So yes men do exsist who dont watch it ;) There hard to find but there sure out there!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008):

You may be able to find a man who will never look at porn, will never get aroused by some hot babe in a low cut top and a push up bra, will never get aroused by a sexy magazine ad, but you will have a long wait before you find this guy. Oh, and by the way, if he never gets aroused by any of this then he is not likely to ever get aroused by your body either.

There are women who write on healthboards asking what they can do about their husband with no sexual desire and who never has the desire to have sex with them. Is this what you want? If it is, then they exist.

If only this perfect prince that you desire will do, then my suggestion is for you to stay single. It will be a lot less frustrating than looking for that which does not likely exist.

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A female reader, veryhurt United States +, writes (5 September 2008):

My husband and I were married for 46 years. The day I found out he was in to porn and following thru with prostitutes he shot himself. He was a brilliant, brilliant man. I was doubly devestated as I never knew. We were so, so, much in love. It leads to terrible things and it is WORSE than a drug addiction. We have 7 children and 13 grandchildren and an extremely happy marriage.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2008):

Sorry babes, I don't believe there is any man alive who will only get aroused by your body and nothing else. Men get aroused by lots of things, it's an automatic response, they will get aroused by other women they see, they will get aroused by seeing underwear in a shop, they will get aroused by looking at peaches in a box. That is the way their reproductive organs and their mind is set up. They are not women, they are set up like this, to make sure they repopulate the world and spread their genes. There are many men who don't like porn and find it repulsive, but it's hard to find that very special guy. Even if you ask men, they will lie about using porn, just as they will lie when they say they don't think of sex when they see other women. So you can't even ask them and expect them to be truthful about the true state of their sexual desires. If this is totally necessary for you, then yes of course remain single. But I think this would be overkill, it's like cutting of your nose to spite your face. Don't you have needs, don't you have desires. Would you rather go without somebody holding you, because there is no man alive that is a saint. You idea of staying alone is not very sensible and will ultimately prove very lonely for you. Men are about more than sex, they can be good friends, companions and providers as well, maybe you should look at the positives rather than concentrating on the negatives of what relations with men will bring.

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A female reader, chicken licken United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2008):

I think you have some insecurities and low esteem that maybe is the root of your problem here.

Men and women look for and get different things from sex, we are built differently physically and chemicaly , our brains are very differnt too.

If you have a good sex life and are in a good relationship with your man then the porn is only really being viewed in the same sense as we for example shop for shoes, the subject matter may differ there tremendously with shoes v's nudes but its pleasurable and the brain craves pleasurable. It dosnt mean we dont have rational thinking or even stop likeing as much the other things we find pleasurable.

I would be less bothered by my man looking at porn than oggling and chatting up flirting in chatrooms or down the pub, Thats dangerous ground.

And the man who would rather the porn than his own girlfriend is a man who

isnt mr right anyway and the relationshup is unlikely to work anyway.

And the man whos into illegal and addicted to porn has a problem that need proffesional help.

Some men are very open and loud about porn, posters of pin ups mags dvds about,completly trust worthy and loyal but love the female form and love there girlfriends form just as much.

The porn mgs and sites are generaly very out of reach and unreal very airbrushed, in personal and glossy, the men looking at it know it too and most would probably preffer to see there girlfriend doing the same pose for them or act/ role play for them. I think a of men use it as a form of education too on how to do it, I should think the man who looks at porn is far more considerate and open to there partners needs in bed than the man who dosnt do porn.

You need learn to love your self and stop compairing yourself to airbrushed glossy images that will never be .. and be confident that the man you are with loves you too, and isnt compairing you either ......there is no comparison thats why hes with you and not someone else.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2008):

hlskitten agony auntTheres loads of guys that 'dont mind' porn. I dont think ive ever dated anyone that needs it to get them off, or watches any large amount of it. More take or leave it kind of thing.

C xxx

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (5 September 2008):

eyeswideopen agony auntThey do exist but I'll bet you'll have a devil of a time finding one. I guess if this is such a huge issue for you, you'd best get used to being single.

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A female reader, lilgirly Lebanon +, writes (5 September 2008):

lilgirly agony aunti think that it's normal for all men to watch porn..but there is a big difference between men addicted to porn and men who watch it from time to time....

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