A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Looking for some help. My friends wife (which became my best friend)and I fell in love. Her marriage is falling apart and she doesn't think it will last. Me and him are no longer friends because he is selfish, cronic liar, etc... Anyway, we have been seeing each other romantically for 8 months. We both have never experienced such great love. We share everything with each other, never lie, or keep secrets. I know this because I can read her and she can read me, quite amazing actually. The problem is she feels the need to try to give her marriage a chance (I don't understand) but she ended our romantic relationship. We have very close mutual friends so we have to remain good friends. I am divorced and single so I know it's harder for her. We are happy together and miserable apart. What should I do? I tried for the past month to show her that her marriage is over. Give me some advice or share experience. Do I wait and hope she comes back, if it's meant to be??? Thank you.
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best friend, divorce, fell in love, friend's wife, liar Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, notthetypicalgirl +, writes (7 April 2009):
I'm in the same boat, but i'm the married woman. My husband and I are together 6 years and I have fallen for a friend/coworker. We have an incredible connection, I miss him terribly when I don't see ... we click on an entirely different level and had he met me 6 years ago - I would've married him in a heart beat because he's the whole package. But timing didn't allow that... we've been seeing each other romantically and it is NOT any easier for me to deal with than him. In fact it's 100x harder. I question my marriage every day (although my husband loves me very much and would die of shock if he ever learned of my secret). I wonder if I'm missing out on "what could be" with my friend - and it SUCKS because I know how great a life with him would be. He's everything that my husband is and more... buttt (and this is the part your probably don't want to hear) - I took a vow when I got married to love my husband forever through the good times and the bad. And I'd classify me becoming romantically involved with someone else, a bad move on my part.Will I regret never giving me and my friend a chance for the rest of my life? YES, unfortunately.If something terrible were to happen and cause myself to be single again, would I run back to my friend, ABSOLUTELY... would he still be available? PROBABLY NOT.Since I'm in the same situation myself - I can't really give the expert advice, but I know in the FUTURE - if one party is in a serious relationship, don't waste your time on it no matter how incredible that person seems. The odds of everything working out in your favor are slim and it only results in heartache for both people.:(
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): you are unduly pressuring this lady whom you confess to love. the old saying is you love somebody set them free.........you mention aspects of your former friend whose wife you are having an affair with. Are you sure you are just not biased regarding him. she owes it to herself to give her marriage one last chance. what are you afraid of? that her "love" for you is not as strong, or that she will soon realize that what she feels for you is not love but actually just friendship?if you love her, respect her wishes, stop the emotional affair as well because the longer it continues the harder it will become for all when it ends.i think you can see the writing is on the wall with this woman, she has chosen and sadly it is not you. yet you torment her, pressurize her to choose you. you are also suffering from self doubt and low self esteem. perhaps it is time to sort out yourself while you give her space.i don't think her husband is the one in the wrong here. it is just too easy to blame the betrayed partner when one is having an affair. it makes it more convenient, and more tolerable and obviously you want to justify your affair.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): You say you two are "happy together and miserable apart". If this is true maybe she just doesn't realize it and if you gave her some space she'd realize a part of her life that makes her happy is missing and will want it back. Some people don't miss it till its gone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 April 2009): as a man who had been in such situation with marreid women,i can say marreid women are more insecure about their choices
and they keep changing their minds even if they were marreid to the worst man,
if you still love her you well have to wait for her and untill she makes up her mind and dont urge her to divorce because she well keep blaiming you for it afterwords if she divorced !!,
if it came naturally then it is your chance then,
all the best and good luck
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