Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (9 January 2014):
Sorry, but let me be more clear. I don't believe any normal man chases a woman that long w/o the woman giving him a reason to.
I believe you egged him on to receive attention, and are now upset that he is finally fed up.
Again, move on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't see how you guys don't see this as some kind of payback or playing with my emotions. I have moved on a long time ago. He did everything to stay in contact. Sending me gifts. Telling me I'm the one. Using words to play with my mind until I finally succumb to his gestures.
Why didn't he just leave me alone. He was stringing me too probably waiting for that ultimate haha now you see how it feels. That's just plain cruelty.
Last few month in 2012 he wrote me a long email that we should go no contact until each other settles in their respective marriage homes. I accepted this request and kept it moving.
I woke up with five missed calls the new years of 2013 with him telling me he dreamnt that I was holding his hand when he was trying to swing with another partner. We started talking again. This was when I gave up, started to listen and was contemplating another chance with him. Slowly he crept back into my heart and now he drops the bomb on me that he is enjoying being single and having multiple hitches. This is absurd.
Don't you guys see it. I helped him to heal. Now he thinks he's the man. Now my heart is completely opened to thin air. He caused this. I did not play with his emotions. I cant wrap my finger around this one. He was a role model for every good guy out there. Not anymore. He's just like the rest of them. I forced my heart to open up to him. It's got nothing to do with biological clock. I was not emotionally and mentally ready for what he was ready for at 18 yrs old. Now I've grown up and seen the life. I can make good decisions now. I wanted to give us a chance and here is what I get. C'Mon guys this can't be karma. I did nothing wrong.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 January 2014):
What I got from your story:
"I found a really nice guy, but liked bad boys so I dated them. Once he got tired of chasing me and moved on, I feel like I still need attention from him."
I for one think he's an idiot for chasing any woman for that long, but you need to let him go. You had your chance, and you continually blew it. Move on.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): I agree. He isn't playing with your emotions on purpose. It is just affecting your emotions when he isn't acting like you want him to anymore. Its not his fault that you two have wanted each other at different times in your lives.
I'm sorry if the things he says are hurting you now. But doesn't it ever occur to you that the things you have been saying and doing for years have been hurting him all that time?
What is happening now isn't revenge to punish you, its just the natural consequences of your actions. He got tired of not feeling fully appreciated by you and he grew & changed in a healthier direction for him. The fact is it would have been a sign of emotional unhealthiness for him if he HADN'T eventually gotten sick of the lopsided relationship he used to have with you.
I'm sorry things didn't work out but there is nobody else to blame here. It sucks you are hurting now but he is finally not hurting anymore.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): He didn't play with your emotions. You rejected him. Are you dramatizing again?
These are your very words:
"A good guy fell in love with me and pursued me for years. I resisted him and gave him the cold shoulder for years. He wasn't my typical type of guy and was much older."
This is your karma.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionGuys, I just had a lengthy conversation with the nice guy. I'm not sure if it went well. He told me he was crazy in love with me but not anymore. He also told me now he enjoys his single life. Having a slew of women. He has three women wowing for him and he thinks all three are great options to settle down with. He thinks the feelings may come back but he is not dwelling on it. His other concern with is that last five years when we were considering settling he was willing to relocate. Now that he is well established where he is relocation is not an option and he can't do the distance thing with me again since we are both family oriented individuals.Oh how my world just shattered as he murmured these words to me. How did he switch feelings of love to this I don't care attitude within six months. Looking back I never thought I will feel this way about him. He was never my type. I even tried to advice him on dating other women and marrying them. I didn't think it will ever turn. He is the one that wont let go. Now he has me where he has always wanted me and he says these hurtful things to me? I hate men. They are all the same. He played with ny emotions.
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your advice. The rejection sure may have posed the challenge. I'll be wiser now and let it go.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2014): That is the whole point. He didn't really understand things back when you were stringing him along. Now he DOES understand and that's why he's lost his feelings for you.
He was too much of a nice guy and he got tired of finishing last with you. He is still that nice guy deep down but he has learned to have some more self respect. Your behavior for all these years has completely turned him off.
I know you are "ready" now but he was ready all along. Now he isn't ready anymore just like you weren't before. He has gone past ready and moved on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): My advice is not to hurt you; but to open your eyes. Just consider him the one that got away. That's just life.
You shouldn't wallow in regret and waste your time trying to regain his feelings. There is the possibility that the fact you didn't want him in a romantic-sense; only made him crave having you all the more. Deny a man something, and he wants it 10x more. We humans, as a species, do not like to take "no" for an answer. It makes us feel powerless.
Turn this into something positive. You'll always find someone else. Perhaps he was never intended for you anyway, and you may have just ducked a bullet. You must follow your gut and initial instincts. Sometimes it isn't wise to second-guess them. Stringing people along also has it's
karma.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm really sad. Yall make me look like I shunned him on purpose. I was simply being honest. He understood then why can't he now?
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): Once we hit the thirty-mark, we seem to acquire the wisdom
that evaded us back in our twenties and before.
We also start to realize that our options are fewer. Your marital prospects, which once seemed plentiful; began to seem bleak and out of reach. The reality has hit you that you're getting older. So now he matters.
Why bother him with lunch invitations and all that nonsense? Take it slow? Really!? You've wasted years.
You'll only get rejected again. All those opportunities are long past. Nothing is more futile than trying to reverse someone's feelings once you've hurt them. You liked having the puppy wagging his tail, and begging at your feet. Now that those wasted years have caught up with you, he now seems more desirable to you.
How does regret feel? We live and learn. It only stinks; because he took away the power you once had over him.
Move on. I doubt he'll leave you any other choice at this point.
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female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (7 January 2014):
Ah, we always want that which we cannot have, don't we?
It was true for him, and now it's true for you, too.
I wonder if his newly found noninterest is at the root of your own newly found interest?
A little self reflection is needed.
I think you should let it go. We ALL have "one that got away". I still think fondly of my own.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): It sounds like you have spent years trying to teach this nice guy that nice guys finish last. He has finally learned the lesson. Be careful what you wish for.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrust me I am the one for ego stroking. I could have played him all these years but I was real with my feelings and thought he respected that. I don't fall easily. That's just me. It takes time and with him overtime the feelings developed. I just don't know how to go about letting me in again since he has closed and blocked his heart from loving again. It kills me that I made him this way. I just want a second chance with him. He is the perfect man.
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female
reader, sugarplum786  +, writes (7 January 2014):
 Just have a meeting / lunch and keep it casual. Try starting off with friendship. If he really loved you and there is no one else in the picture, you are likely to get his interest. Like I said start slow and work on it. No promises but there is no harm in trying. If he could make a fool of himself pursuing you, surely a little effort on your path is worth it. Don't let your pride come in the way, go out and get what you want.
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2014): Aren't you being just a bit over-dramatic?
He isn't going to hate women over you. Seriously!?
He finally stopped chasing after you; and now he's not there to stroke your ego.
Lesson learned. Move on.
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