A
female
age
26-29,
*ouLouW
writes:Hey everyone, I’m in need of some help! So a few years back I was chatting to this boy ok Twitter (weird I know) but we lost contact due to me getting in a relationship and me living far away at the time. Fast forward and I’m out of my relationship and moved closer for work and we start getting into contact again. We have been texting here and there, we have slept together once and we do seem to have similar personalities and when we are talking either texting or in person we do seem to bounce off eachother. Here’s the help I need, I have developed feelings recently but I think deep down I know he’s a f-boy and I know that he just wants people for sex and probably would want anything ‘exclusive’. I’m just thinking, do I say how I feel and then I’ve said it, or don’t say anything and regret it down the line? I don’t want things to be weird or anything but it’s hard. I know he’s ok dating sites, which I’m not bothered about but I do think he won’t be after anything. He said since we had talked all those years back he has done some growing up, which made me think ‘oh maybe he might be ready for something now’ type thing, possibly stupid to think that to be honest. So yeah, do I say look I have some feelings for you and say what I feel to fully know where I stand OR do I leave it and wonder. If I do message and say how I feel, what would I even say, as I don’t want to come across too strong. I’m sorry for the long question!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2021): I anticipate he's going to keep calling or messaging; so it's important to block and delete his contact-attempts. That's an attempt to wear you down. He's not going to let-go of the honeypot that easily.
You're human and vulnerable. You'll start to miss him, or feel lonely. You'll weaken to your human-feelings, and he's back with a vengeance. He'll play on your sensitivities with sweettalk and nostalgia about how things used to be. How do I know? I've been played by a few players, and learned a few things. I'm also a guy, and I know how we think; not that I've ever used those tactics, not all guys are players.
He already knows how you feel, that's how he's been using you. If he wanted a relationship, you wouldn't be here writing DC; you'd both be in a real relationship already.
The penis has a mind of its own; and we men have to learn to think for it, and not let it do all the thinking. Guys who think with their d!cks are immature, and they find it hard to be true to one woman. They will eventually come-around and learn the error of their ways; but they'll leave a trail of broken-hearts and women with trust-issues in their wake. The smarter you are now, the better you will guard your heart. The time to act, is when you see the evidence and red-flags blaring before you; not after you've foolishly given-away your heart.
Girlfriend, don't be one of those broken-hearts!
A
female
reader, LouLouW +, writes (27 August 2021):
LouLouW is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your help everyone. I’ve decided for my own mental health to cut him out of my life, I found myself always going to message him and things when in reality he really doesn’t care for me. I really appreciate all of your responses, thank you for taking the time! X
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A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (10 August 2021):
 He is using you. You wont be the only girl hes stringing along. With the age of twitter, dating apps etc its so common. You want someone just for yourself not to share. Someone who gueniunly wants you will make contact with you as much as he can and make you feel like a queen. Thats what true love is all about. You know exactly what situation you are in. Thank God you havent got pregnant to him as this is not solid for you. Break free from all this worry.
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A
female
reader, Tinacandida +, writes (10 August 2021):
He is using you. You wont be the only girl hes stringing along. With the age of twitter, dating apps etc its so common. You want someone just for yourself not to share. Someone who gueniunly wants you will make contact with you as much as he can and make you feel like a queen. Thats what true love is all about. You know exactly what situation you are in. Thank God you havent got pregnant to him as this is not solid for you. Break free from all this worry.
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A
male
reader, kenny + ♥, writes (10 August 2021):
 I think that to save yourself from any upset and heartache i would refrain from declaring your feelings to him.
I think that you are lusting after him,the feelings of lust can sometimes be confused with feelings of love, and tend to be short lived. I would not say anything and let these feeling dissipate of their own accord.
He is a F boy, i don't see him changing anytime soon. I feel if you brought him into your life you would always be looking over your shoulder, wondering who it is every time his phone goes off, and this is no life for anyone.
.
I think you should do yourself a favour and not contact him anymore
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A
female
reader, EmmyApple  +, writes (10 August 2021):
You ought to give him a chance but you need to have a conversation about exclusivity before you sleep with him again. This is gonna sound weird but I thought my husband was an f-boy when we first started dating. He had slept with lots of girls and he wanted sex every night. I always gave him whatever he wanted because I really wanted him to like me. But at a certain point I had to tell him that if he wants my body, he needs to commit to me. That means no sex with other girls. He agreed! You need to have a similar conversation with him. Don’t assume that he’ll reject you - you don’t know unless you try! The realty is ALL guys are obsessed with sex and easily get the f-boy label but the only way you’ll know if he’s ready for a relationship is if you try!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2021): All this time, and he has never even so much as hinted at something more serious than sex???
He claims he has grown-up, you say? Is there any evidence to support his claim? You've built your connection on sex; so now turning it into something else is going to be a challenge.
Any guy who's on multiple dating sites is usually seeing a lot of women; and not interested in a serious monogamous-relationship straightaway. He's still got some wild oats to sow! I'd yank-back your feelings, and stop being friends with benefits; if you want something serious. Why buy the cow when you get the milk free? Not calling you a cow, it's an analogy.
He hasn't confessed any deeper-feelings, or shown an inclination to make the connection you have more serious. That's your cue and signal to disclose "your" feelings. He hasn't given it to you, and I see no reason to take him more seriously than things are going.
If you want guys to commit to you down the road; don't spoil them with accessibility to sex on-demand. They will not take things seriously, and thereby will not connect with you emotionally. If there is no emotional-connection, it's purely physical. I wouldn't expose my feelings; unless he gives you some signal to place your hopes upon. You didn't mention anything between you that you wouldn't have with a friend...other than sex. If he's still on those sites, while seeing you; I'd suspect he's not looking for anything serious. You could ask him.
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A
female
reader, Plexi  +, writes (9 August 2021):
 If you were dealing with a normal mature man I would say talk to him...tell him how you feel and set your boundaries.....however......
When dealing with fuckboys..here are your options in my opinions:
1)block his number and move on bc they can't be changed unless THEY want to change
2)tell him how you feel and watch him get scared and disappear on you and make space for someone else who treats you better
3) match his behavior to drive him crazy and pull away to pull him in closer.....fuck boys get pushed away by love and emotion bc they are afraid of being vulnerable and getting hurt BUT they are attracted by rejection bc that's familiar to them and that's why they are how they are( bc a woman or their mother rejected and hurt them and now they can't trust women anymore)
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (9 August 2021):
 What you are feeling is NOT love. It's infatuation.
You have been building a FANTASY of this guy in your head. One where YOU are the ONE girl he won't fuck and forget. He will now want to have a serious relationship after years of fuckery. That he has "probably" changed over these few years. He hasn't. HE is on dating sites for a reason. To fish for bed-mates.
You don't know. You have made all that up in your head. Because you DO NOT know him. You know what HE tells you. You know the "curated" version of him. A curated version can be funny and sweet - and TOTALLY different from the ACTUAL person in reality.
You know he is a "fuckboy" who has no problem getting laid. You will not "reform" the "fuckboy" into a decent boyfriend, regardless of how you feel about him. LOVING him, or rather crushing on him - WILL not change who he is.
You live closer but still haven't gone out on a date? Or hung out? Gone out for a meal?
If I were you I'd NOT declare my feelings. SAVE those for either someone else (that you get to know well IN PERSON) or for later (if you get to know this guy in person).
Why not suggest you two grab coffee one day since you now live closer together? That way you can meet him in person and get to know a LITTLE about him. JUST don't fall for the charm and sleep with him. OK?
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