A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My Ex and I have endured a rocky relationship to then splitting up the last few months, we have seen one another, stayed over, gone away then next we aren’t talking for days when I ask for more. We aren’t in contact at the moment as I said enough was enough and I’m not being picked up and played with when it suits him. But he’s got an important appointment coming up with a specialist and I don’t know whether to text to say good luck or whatever it is you say? I am a caring person and I’m in two minds whether too because I don’t want to start communicating we then get closer and I’m lead up the garden path and it all goes back to square one again with me being hurt and upset but then the nice person of me still cares.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): The fact that you spend hours agonising over this proves you still want him in your life. Contacting him to wish him good luck is an excuse to open the door again. I am sure that if you did contact him and he did not get back to you you would be very disappointed. Remember why you split, those reasons are still valid. For some reason lots of women split and then months or years later feel that if they get back together all the bad bits just disappear and it all becomes wonderful.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2020): You're second-guessing yourself; and searching for excuses to keep a candle in the window.
You keep meddling with your own feelings and emotions; keeping them teased and conflicted. Prolonging the withdrawal-effects of the breakup. Postponing your recovery and healing-processes. Purposely offering yourself up to be used; then expecting some kind of reward for it.
It's just withdrawal for a fix like an addict; and you'll get just enough high to get-by until the next time.
You're a grown-woman. You have to stop with the teenage-game of "letting-go and pulling-back." One-foot in and one-foot out! That nonsense about being such a caring person...then why is he an ex?
Care for yourself and your own feelings! Apparently you've been the last thing on his mind for the past few days! I guess you feel you've got to remind him? No, you don't! You're not supposed to. He's your EX!!!
Allow him to be an ex. Save your caring for your own feelings; while you detach and move on. It's the same as wanting to stay "friends" with somebody you had to breakup with! You can be amiable and compassionate; and mind your own business at the same-time. If you matter, and he has bad-news; he'll probably let you know. If not, he probably won't bother to tell you. He's too busy moving-on!
Your mind is toying with the false-hope and futility of a torturing-reconciliation. It won't work, because nobody has had time to change; and offering him your sympathies changes nothing. It only gives him permission to have sex with you until he finds your replacement.
Give yourself some space for your own healing; or this pathetic-reaching and pining will spiral you into depression.
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A
male
reader, kenny  + ♥, writes (4 August 2020):
 I agree with Honeypie, if you text him he is going to see this as a green light, and your contacting him will branch out into further contact, which i think you don't want.
don't feel like a bad person for not saying good luck. Just forget him now and move on with your life.
Maybe delete his contact details from your phone so at least if your get the urge to anytime you won't be able to.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 August 2020):
 Not wishing him good luck (or whatever you say in that situation) doesn't make you a bad person nor an uncaring person.
NOT texting for ANY reason, is just HOW you are going to move forward with a life without him in it.
I definitely think if you DO text him he will take it as an invitation to try and restart something that isn't going to work and basically wasting BOTH your time.
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