A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Last october i got out of a 8yr relationship 18months of it i was married....my husband was violent towards me...he could be the most wounderful man and also be very nasty...i walked out in last year not looking back...i have managed to set up my own home with the 3 children and i am very happy....I have started dating a wounderfull man who knows what i have been through over the past 8 yrs...this man is a good few yrs older than me but i am happy....The problem is now ex knows i am dating again he has started to try and blackmail me calling me and texting me all the time.. and i really don't no what to do??I can't say i don't love my ex but i couldn't stay in a violent relationship as i have the children to think about...and also i deserve to be happy surely?please help
View related questions:
my ex, text, violent Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, a shoulder to cry on +, writes (2 March 2008):
In my view as soon as you have children you should always put their needs first. being in an abusive relationship is not good for your childrens emotional wellbeing, and may teach them the sort of behaviour you really dont want them to learn.Of course you deserve to be happy and if you are with your current partner, why risk any more pain and heart ache?I believe the best thing for you and your family is to be with someone who respects you and treats you properly. It's hard to move on but all wounds heal eventually with the right sort of medicine, it sounds to me your new partner is exactly the medicine you need. good luck whatever you decide and stay strong :O)
A
female
reader, asian tealeaf  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 missus, i was in an arranged marriage of which i was 16 at the time. He not only abused me severely, he raped me every chance he got, as husbands have conjugal rights over their wives. However, i left him although not until 6 yrs later, when i was already regretfully with 2 unwanted children and enough bruises over my body to use as a world map guide. The only blessing was he was a very protective, and non abusive father towards his children, so i left them with him and i moved on with my life. I don't look back ever and im currently extremly happy with my mate im with now. We have a beautiful 1 yr old daughter and i look only towards my future. I don't call him, or have ANY ties with him. i dont even keep contact with the kids because its just better that way; they are happy. I'm happy but you left him and thats the biggest and hardest step to do, don't backtrack now. You have everything going for you and it sounds like you may of found your lifemate and bestfriend. So hold ur head up and dont respond to his texts etc unless its for his kids, if he gets worse get a restraining order on him. Look to your bf for your backbone support and be steady. Don't let him run u off track. If you have nothingf to hide or your not guilty of anything his blackmailings are harmless or should be. good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, Cateyes  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 I'm sure in your marriage there were good times and bad times and the times that you put up with that you shouldn't have!!!...and if he is the father of your children, of course you will always have a special place in your heart for him even with all that you put up with. HOWEVER, let the past be the past and move on. I'm not sure how long it was before you met this other man, but I hope it was long enough for you to have really let the other go so you could seek a new beginning. If so, don't you feel YOU deserve to be with one whom loves you, adores you, and doesn't hurt you emotionally and physically? Don't you want your children to grow up without violence in the family, towards you or even possibly them? Do you want them to carry on that into their relationships when they get older? (Monkey see - monkey do) We are all in fear of the "unknown". I think you are more scared maybe because he is older, and you wonder what is going to be wrong with this guy now. If he is truly a good man, and he shows it, most importantly..proves it...then you know what your answer is. We never know what GOD brings into our lives...but it's the choice that we make that determines our outcome.
Good Luck to you and your family!!
...............................
A
female
reader, Devilish Angel +, writes (2 March 2008):
 Don't go back to him. His violence will spread towards your children as abusive people always try to hurt the people helpless to defend themselves. Also you do deserve to be happy. No woman deserves the emotional, mental, and physical pain that comes with abuse. Go be with the older guy who treats you like a lady.
...............................
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (2 March 2008):
 Change your telephone number and report him to the police for harassment and intimidations.
...............................
A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (2 March 2008):
 Yes you do deserve to be happy and you do need to protect your children and that is why you must take a stand against this man, although that is going to be hard and you are going to be afraid that is the only thing you can do. First thing I would do is talk to your current partner and tell him what is going on, he will understand and be there for you as he has already proven.
Second thing I would do is to ignore your ex's texts and calls and see if that leads to him ceaseing what he is doing. If that doesnt work then you will have no choice but to, with the proper support of your current partner, seek the advice of the proper authorities by which I mean the police. In the meantime look to your friends and your partner for support; they will help you be strong when you feel like faltering. Good luck :)
...............................
|
