A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:The guy I like was recently dumped by his GF. He is in love with her. He used to flirt with me before, but more as a friendly flirt. I like him, but he's telling me he's not ready for relationships b/c he still hurting.I cannot tell him how I feel for him b/c of what he said, but there are other girls after him also. These girls don't care if his GF dumped him or if they can be a quick fun, but in the meantime one of them can take him away and maybe with time he might fall in love with her.What should I do. He is my friend and he considers me a friend and mostly a confidante with what is happening with him and all his ex GF drama. Advices please!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 Rebound relationships, straight after a breakup, do often fail. I do not know why, but they do.
Can you cope with feeling a little jealous for a while? How secure do you feel about some temporary competition? Until he is ready for a permanent relationship? NOT a fling?
Tell him you enjoy being his friend.
But tell him to flirt all he wants, and have some flings, if he wants, but that when he is ready for a permanent relationship, could he please give you 'first right of refusal' IF you are still available, when that time comes?
Because you do have feelings for him.
Make it clear that you respect his decision and want him to take all the time he needs and wants to take, to rebuild his shattered self.
Even if you have to endure him having some flings until he is ready for a more permanent commitment.
Also let him know that you would be honoured to remain his friend, whatever
he decides. That way he may recognise that you are not one of the shallow
uncaring girls, who do just want a fling.
good luck, Abella
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2011): Next time he confides in you, tell him that as you are close friends you have to admit you like him and, if you are prepared to wait, tell him that too. You could also say this makes it hard for you to be objective in your answers, although you do want to support him. Then you have registered an interest and if he returns your feelings he can reciprocate, instead of looking around! Hope it works out for you.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (25 March 2011):
 The best you can do is just be there for him. If he links up with the other girls its probably just for sex.
He needs time to sort his mind out, dont pressurise him into any decisions as he could come to regret those later on.
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