A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:help me!!!! I love two men and have no idea what to do.... one is a good guy ones a bad guy but I just dont know who to choose!
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female
reader, Freyja +, writes (17 December 2011):
The good guy. I've dated bad guys and they are not worth the heartache.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 not much to go one here. One wonders what defines a good guy versus a bad guy? For you?
Because it can be very subjective.
1. Some people judge by character and actions and the integrity of the guy
2. Some people may judge on status, how important is the guy's job, net worth, what they have and where they live and what car they drive (not a useful standard in my book)
3. To some power is more important. And power can be something beyond money and possessions, but power to make things happen.
4. Some people look at altruistic issues, or shared interests, or a passion for a particular lifestyle
And what's a "bad" guy versus a good guy?
1. Some people may judge by appearance alone. But that is not an indicator of integrity or lack therrof.
2. Being in gaol is often equated to currently being a bad guy.
3. Or just being rude, unkind, selfish, a womaniser, a cheat, abusive, a liar and cruel might usually be seen as a bad guy.
But good guy v bad guy is not as cut and dried as you may think.
A person may read that another person does not drink alcohol and does not smoke cigarettes and would never cheat on their spouse and say, boring. And so the person might say, "I'm going to rate that as a zero."
Or a person may think, "no one could live like that". And be wrong.
Or a person may think, "no one could live like that". And be wrong.
Or they may prefer illicit drugs occasionally and so feel some anti feelings for the former person above.
And say to themselves, I'm going to rate that as a zero. Because the said person may value a more edgy, risky lifestyle and call that exciting.
So the decision always rests with the one who could potentially end up living with the chosen suitor.
Yet my rule is usually, if you have TWO or more guys and you cannot make up your mind about either, that you really do not love either. On the basis that if one of them was "the one" then you would have already recognised that fact.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Please tell me you're only trolling.
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A
male
reader, dougbcoll +, writes (17 December 2011):
 with what little details we have between the two , the bad boy is exactly that bad, trouble, undependable, out to have fun and self centered at it. the type to use a girl and leave when he's finished with her, then he's off to the next girl ( victim ). the good guy as described should be that one that is for a long term relationship , not self centered, not out for him self, or to have fun at your dispense ( not a user). you need to look at both of these guys reputation's , look at the character ( who they really are ) the way they act around you, their friends , family ect... the choice is yours, remember we have to live with the choice's we make. i hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 As YouWish says, apparently this is a no-brainer. Between a good guy and a bad guy, why on earth should you pick the bad one, that would be just dumb. But, I think the problem is that you have the hots for the bad guy, while the good one is good... but not so attractive /sexy/hot/charismatic / exciting.In other words, with a his goodness, you don't really like the good guy.
My advice is to choose neither, this choice is not mandatory , since both options are inappropriate/unconvincing. Wait for another , better choice- some guy who is good ( or at least not too bad :) and whom you are really attracted to. It's far from impossible .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): Well if he's THAT bad he will just mess you around and walk away. In the meantime the good guy will have found somebody else.
Without more information thats all I can say
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): The good choice is the good guy and the bad choice is the bad guy. Why would you want to go with the BAD guy? It will only lead to BAD stuff!!!
If you need excitement, still pick the good guy and you can find excitement in safer ways (go on certian rides at the state fair would be one way to get some excitement)
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Boy, yeah, I think we need more info.
Otherwise, this question would be a no-brainer. Why pick a bad guy when you can have a good one? That would be like having a problem choosing between a fresh piece of bread and a moldy insect-infested piece of bread. Or picking between a brand new mattress and an old stained lumpy one filled with bedbugs.
So the details I want are...what would make you love and consider a "bad guy", and what would make you hesitate on a "good guy" that you love, assuming that you love both?
Remember...people do not change. If you think you can date a "bad guy" and that he'll change and mature...he won't. If the "badness" involves drugs, then you have an added element of undesirability as well as a brain that is being possibly permanently affected by them.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 December 2011): The good guy is the best bet. A bad guy is exactly who he is, a bad guy. Now I understand that you want some excitement in your life but if that's what you want you can just esaily communicate this to the good guy.a guy can only learn what his woman wants if she communictes. Bad guys aren't always a disappoint ment but they are a risky. If want to risk it then good on ahead.
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A
female
reader, Lorelai +, writes (17 December 2011):
It sounds like you want the bad guy but you want to want the good guy.
Maybe go for neither... do some other things, see other people and eventually you'll just know which one (if any) you want.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (17 December 2011):
 Well you have not defined what makes one good and what makes one bad, but if you are looking to settle down and be serious with someone well then I feel you should go for the good guy who is there by your side and who is willing to give you a future.
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