A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my situation is this, I have been living in my parent's house with my boyfriend for five years. When my mother let him come to live at my house he and I were just friends, and had met online. He is from 3,000 miles away, and all of his family is back at his home state. The friendship was always a rocky one because I was interested in a relationship with him but he didn't think of me that way until two years ago. The relationship that we ended up having wad marred by his issues regarding his past, and was emotionally draining and I felt somewhat emotionally abused, but never really buckled under the pressure. For the past five months things have been really bad, we were talking about breaking up (or so I thought) regularly, and I started distancing myself emotionally. I could not end things with him, I had thought, to save face with my family and give time to make it closer to the date when he was leaving to visit his family, which is about a month away now. I thought I was only hurting myself by staying with him to not cause drama. In the past three months, two months after we had had the fight in which I came to the realization I was incompatible with his issues and beliefs about the relationship, I found someone. He is also at a distance and I have never met him in person, but I have casually known him for years and know a handful of his friends in real life who vouch for his sincerity and have spoken to him on the phone many many times. He has been a listening ear though all of this and treats me very well. I will go as far to say that I love him. His family background and core beliefs resonate with my own, which is something that was always an issue in my previous relationship. The problem is that my mother has sided with my ex when my ex says that he deserves another chance, despite all the emotional history and the chances I had given the relationship before this. I am exhausted from trying to make that relationship work, and my heart isn't in it any longer, though my mother has informed me that she does not believe I can love "a stranger" in three months, that she thinks I am tearing the family apart, and that even despite her concern about my emotional wellbeing with my ex in the past thinks I am making a huge mistake and will regret leaving the only boy, in her eyes, I have ever loved. My father is emotionally abusive to my mother and I always was concerned I would end up in a relationship like that, and my ex, though a nice friend, was the emotional equal of my father. My mother believes that his repeated attempts to talk me back into a relationship are valiant and she believes him when he says he will change, but I feel like even if he has changed the history is too much for me to bare and I am far too emotionally removed from the situation, and emotionally invested in the new guy, to really try again. My mother has threatened to take away my phone, my computer, and all outside influences if I do not get back together with my ex, who leaves in a month. I think these threats are not fair, I am 22, and she has no right to determine who I date or love. I also believe the threats are idle but it eats me up that she is doing this to me during this time at all. They both think I am making a huge mistake, but I think I am leaving a relationship I am no longer invested in and ready to explore another oneMy question is do I owe my ex another chance like they both agree, after years of chances and trying and basically being in a relationship alone, or do I follow my heart?
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emotionally abusive, get back together, met online, my ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, No watered down advice here! +, writes (17 November 2010):
 It comes a time in our lives when we cut the "APRON" strings. Now is that time for you. By that I'm saying as long as you ALLOW your family to control your life you're under their control. Take your life in your own hands! And you don't OWE him anything! You owe yourself the right to make your own decisions! That's the the only person you owe is YOU!
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (17 November 2010):
Don't go back to your ex. Your mother has no right to treat you this way. Your heart says don't go back, your head says don't go back. DON'T GO BACK. And if your mother tries to take your stuff, tell her you'll have her arrested for theft.
Your ex won't change. He was a badass before, and he will be again. Listen to yourself, forget the others.
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