A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm not officially in a relationship with this guy, but we're very much a couple. For new years, he is planning on going to Whistler (a ski resort in Canada) with his best friend who is a huge major player. I trust my guy but when he's drinking he can get a little out of hand, and I'm pretty sure he's going to be drinking heavily for new years. I told him I'd prefer it if he didn't go because I know what happens in Whistler. I don't want to be the crazy psychotic girlfriend who thinks if he goes away he's going to cheat.. but it seems possible! I trust him and everything, but people primarily go there to have a good time, if you know what I mean, basically, you go to Whistler to snowboard/ski and hookup! I told him I want him to go have fun.. but I'm worried. He told me he has no intention of going up to Whistler to screw around with some girl because he knows if he does he'll ruin things with me. I don't know if he just knows what to say or if he's being genuine. He told me he'll think about it, but I don't want him to go! Do I have any point at all? Am I making sense?
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female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (29 December 2008):
 I'm afraid I can't add anything to what Eddie has already said. His answer is spot on and very informative. TRUST is the key here. Great advice Eddie!
~Eve~
A
female
reader, 48years  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 If he did hook up with someone else, would it really really matter?
Neither of you is engaged...I'd tell him to have a great time and then make sure I myself had a great time. Jealousy is not pleasant for either person. Don't give in to it.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (26 December 2008):
 First of all let me say this.....My daughter is your age and her boyfriend is off on an adventure in Australia for 6 months......This issue is one that is always out there but we never deal with it or admit the truth about human nature until it arises. It's easy to say you trust someone but much more difficult to live it.
One aunt suggests you find someone you can trust 100%. That doesn't make sense. First of all, anyone is capable of making a stupid mistake. Secondly, this guy hasn't done anything to cause you worry yet and you already don't trust him. You say you do, but you don't. You either trust or you don't.
You're afraid of temptation. That is valid. There is temptation everywhere. If you think that it only happens in Whistler, you're wrong. You are concerned because it's a party atmosphere and you're afraid he'll get caught up in it. That is valid and goes back to the trust part.
The truth is this. If he goes there he will see lots of attractive women. He will talk, laugh and have a great time. This will happen without you, you'll be missing him and yo;ll be angry that he is having fun in your absence. These are facts. Would you expect him to go out and not talk to anyone. This is not realistic. What you fear cold happens anywhere. I've been shopping at the mall for Christmas and there were attractive women everywhere. I made it home unscathed though. Are the odds higher in this type of place. Possibly, but probably not as high as the work place.
What happens when he's at school, work, parties, beach etc. You can not control people. Trust me, I have been in this spot and it almost drove me crazy. My wife was away and in this type of environment and I hated it. I knew guys would (and did) approach her. She was honest enough to tell me and honest enough to tell me she had fun. I hated every minute of it too. The truth is, I would have had fun too. Good times and fun do exist outside of a relationship.
A person who is insecure can find this very frightening. These people feel threatened of potential temptations. Often the choose to deal with the threat by restricting their partners freedom. This solves one problem for the person who feels threatened/jealous but creates a new issue. Sure, your partner can't cheat on you now because you have him/her under your thumb. Eventually the thing you want least will happen. The person you want most will leave because you're controlling. People resent control.
OK, here is the hard part. You have to take risk. You are the bigger person by being a good partner. Even though it scares you, give him his freedom. It does not make you a fool for trusting, it would make him a fool to loose a good partner like you. You have nothing to lose. If he cheats, you find out, he's not worth it and you win. Even when you feel foolish for allowing you partner to go where temptation exists, you're not. After all, it's not a strip club or a brothel. It's a ski town where people go to have fun. He will have fun too. So would you. If you try to control him now, where would it stop? Just set boundaries and be a good partner.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (26 December 2008):
 i don't think you can tell him what to do.
he's his own person and although you don't feel comfortable with it, it all comes down to trust.
If you don't trust him or give him trust then there is no relationship. If he is giving you reasons not to trust him, then maybe this guy isn't right for you.
Whatever the case, since you are not technically a couple yet, he is still free and free to do what he wants.
Guys do not like being told what to do. So, try not to think about what he will do wrong, and focus that you are the girl that he likes to be around and will come back to you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): and i don't think he will tell u if he hooks up with another girl.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 December 2008): you do i know exactly how u feel. Maybe you should try finding someone who you could trust a 100%
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