A
female
age
41-50,
*lc5252
writes:Ok now where to start? I met this man at a bar (o such a wonderful place to meet them) sarcasm by the way. We were friends for about 3 or 4 monthes. At that time i stupidly suggested we have a friends with benefits relationship, and of course he agreed. You see I never intended on falling in love with him. So the relationship started and he soon was wanting to come over every night of the week, until I started asking a few questions. I told him I was feeling differently and wanted more of a relationship, and he told me I could never be his because of his religion and the fact that I had been married before,,, red flag number one! so stupidly I continue to answer his calls and texts until I became very upset and told him to leave me alone. He soon starting saying he missed and loved me as a person that is and wanted to continue seeing me. We have gotten into sever fights because of his talking and flirting with several women that are "just friends". red flag number 10! He says im a drama queen, spoiled, and want everything my way. We start seeing less of each other because he says he is getting back into church. I leave him alone for about three weeks because he says he cant be with anyone and not ready for that. And then boom two days ago I get a message saying I stay on his mind! so what do I do? wait until yesterday and invite him over, which he informs me he has a girlfriend but still loves me and always will! I tell him goodbye and I never want to hear those words again, but he does not want to say goodbye! I tell him I cant be friends and think of him with someone else it hurts to much and tell him thanks for telling me that I am finally free of him in my mind, and have not talked to him since. So here are the questions.... Do I even have a right to be angry that I was led on even though he never fully committed? Am I unreasonable that I dont want to play the friend game anymore? How could he move on so quickly? How will I ever trust? how do I move on? Oh and just so everyone knows I know I am completly responsible for my sad state and hate myself for it.. what do I do now?!?
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flirt, friend with benefits, has a girlfriend, move on, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, klc5252 +, writes (25 December 2009):
klc5252 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanx for both the comments, good advice especially about me being close to him not him to me...even though he did some good pretending. yay for him ... no contact is best i know but oh the all the dumb women who think they will wait for a change.. screw it my right guy was hit by a bus. :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (24 December 2009):
Well at first you didn't want anything more than a friends with benefits thing, which really gave him the green light to treat you this way. However, he did treat you badly when you said you wanted more, and he has led you on somewhat. So yes, you have a right to be angry and hurt. He moved on quickly because he was never close to you. You were close to him, not the other way around. You can trust again, and you will move. Cutting contact was a great start. In the future, don't get involved with someone until you know them, and you are sure you want to be with them. You'll only get hurt again. Focus on yourself and your life now, and when you're ready, you'll find the guy you're looking for.
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