A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I'm partially afraid to ask this question because I believe I know what you all are going to say. And, I apologize in advance if this gets long.Basically, I'm absolutely in love with my friend (J) who is already in a relationship (with B). Let me try to break down both of her relationships (one with me and one with B) so you guys have some background info.Their relationship: it started before I knew J about 7 months ago. I don't know much about it before I met J, but she has told me that they didn't see each other too often and it was off and on. So much off and on that they took a month break just about 2 months ago. They just recently got back together because B had taken care of some of his 'baggage' and he did a lot of pleading to get her back. I know that J cares for B and appears happy with him.My relationship: I haven't know J too long, about 3 months. We met through mutual friends. During her break with B, J came on to me and we had a fling though we both thought it had relationship potential. We have great chemistry together. We know how to turn each other on. We have so much in common it's disgusting. And, we have the potential to be best friends. She already knows more about me than most people because of the trust we developed so quickly.Obviously the problem is she's with B. But here's the catch. We both admit really strong feelings for each other. We hang out alone about once a week and she tells me that she really wants to do the things we used to do. I know she thinks about me often because she will text me out of the blue with something like "I love your jacket" or "I think you should come over so I can have some quality time with you". Since J and B have reunited, she and I haven't done anything remotely sexual when we're alone. The most we allow ourselves to do is have long hugs and kisses on the cheek, but we both want to do more. She wants to be loyal to B and I don't want to complicate things between the 3 of us.She told me that is there was no B, I would be her boyfriend. And, she told me that she took him back "to see the relationship through". I know that they split once before and I've heard some of their phone conversations which can be pretty heated at times, sometimes things are rocky. The other day, J was telling B that she only wanted to see him that night if he lost his attitude and softened the tone that he was using on the phone. She also told me that last weekend "shit was weird with B". I'm dealing with the heartbreak since J and I aren't together, but at the same time I miss her more than anything and my feelings for her haven't gone away.So my questions are: What does "see the relationship through" actually mean? Should I continue our "more than friendship" and keep waiting for her? The fact of the matter is that J is the perfect woman for me and she is who I want to be with. Since, she took B back, I've been searching dating sites and looking at other woman and honestly none of them stack up to J in my mind because of the chemistry, friendship, and passion we have for each other.
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female
reader, vikkicutie  +, writes (5 December 2008):
 maybe J says she wants to "see the relationship through" because she might be scared to break thing off with this other perosn with what ever reason,
i dont think its a good idea to be physical with J because it might both of you in a difficult position. if you like J as much as it sounds i think you should wiat but i wouldnt wait too long as it might not happen in the end with both of you.
hope this has helped!
good luck!
A
female
reader, nokutenda  +, writes (5 December 2008):
tell her you are giving her time to see the relationship through,if she calls you to say she wants to meet you don't be available,avoid her totally
don't call or text,this is the only way she can really decide who she wants to be with
if she misses you she will come back to you without B in her life.by always being there means she will continue dating B and coming to you at the same time
she has to choose
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