A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I joined an internet dating site. Some people said it’s worth a go, a lot of people warned me off, and told me there are a lot of users and losers out there. I met a guy, he was nice (although he seemed to have dated a lot of women via internet – maybe he just like meeting new people) and it eventually turned into a two year relationship which was very happy. He left the country last year for a new job and we ended the relationship because I didn’t want to leave my country and go with him. We were both upset about it but we just couldn’t overcome the obstacle. Although I told everyone that this was the reason, all the people that had warned me off internet dating in the first place are now saying it was never going to work out because I met him via a dating site and those relationships usually don’t last because the people involved (meaning the guys) are players. I think my relationship was genuine and just as real as if I’d met the guy any other way, but I’m sure if I met someone else on a dating site (I’m not looking for anyone now in any way) there would once again be rolling of eyes end a lot of “haven’t you learnt your lesson”.I would like to know what others think and have experienced.
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male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Yes and no.
Arranged marriages work. Simple fact. What is left out of this sentence is that voluntary arranged marriages work. As in both partners consent for the marriage to be arranged.
Forced arranged marriages do not work. However in most "modern" cultures that practice arranged marriages, it is voluntary. The two people meet, the arrangement has considered their personalities, life goals etc and so the match is compatible and the couple accept that this must be so.
Real dating... that is not nearly so simple. We expect a LOT from the other, to conform to our demands and are in general very unwilling to meet theirs. See your own case, he wanted to migrate, you didn't and neither was willing to give in.
One of the dis-advantages of being single a long-time by choice is that you can get very used to having things your way. Simple example, if you never ever slept in a double bed on your own, you never get used to the sheer luxury of having an entire bed to yourself.
People who try online dating, typically do this as a last resort. The tried everything else... and now there is online dating. They got a load of bad experiences, are set in their ways and see a partner as a list of bullet items on a checklist.
Not a recipe for success.
So, can it work? Yes, if you go in with the right mind set AND meet someone with the right mind set. Changes of this happening? No idea. It can happen, it has happened but you yourself COULD have been a succes story if you had migrated. You didn't because you thought he should give in to your wishes instead.
So, was it just a game to you?
A
female
reader, youngmum89  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 hello, well I was on this website called tagged its not technically a dating site but a lot of people are on it for that, well I start writing to this 1 bloke we exchanged numbers and started to text each other well I'm happy to say that we've had 19 blissful months together he's great better than anyone I've met trough going out to nightclubs or whatever, for our first anniversary he brought me to Paris for a surprise which in itself is a beautiful place to go to, I had the best time with him for my 21St we were only together 4 months he bought me a phone for 300 Euro a huge me too you tatty teddy and brought me to Glasgow for the wkend I had the best wkend ever over there, well from my experience I had a great 1, also I have a son and so does he they get on great and he treats my son great I could never ask for a better person to come into his life, don't mind the people that roll their eyes at you just once your happy that's all that matters maybe they were jealous of the relationship you had with your previous partner, but hey I say if you want to give internet dating another go just do it ye never no you mite found your soul mate this time, cos I no I have found mine
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (13 April 2011):
 It sounds like your relationship was a genuine one, and it only ended through difficulties with the distance, rather than anything to do with meeting through the internet! Even if you had met him in a more conventional manner, the distance and moving abroad would have still been a problem and you would have still broken up. I think the people who are attributing the break up to meeting online are idiots, you really should not listen to nonsense like that.
It sounds like you had a great relationship and it was just unfortunate that it ended, meeting online does not de-value that at all! He doesnt sound anything like a player, and it does not sound like you feel used at all. Really, whoever is telling you this need to keep their mouths shut, they are just jealous you met a good guy and had a happy 2 years with him.
I have been with my current partner just over 18 months, and we met online. We live together, and have a wonderful relationship. His reasons for using the site in the first place - because he hated meeting people in bars or clubs, because you dont get a true picture of what a person is like when you have had a few drinks and cant even talk the music is so loud. I was using the site because I had just moved to the area and was incredibly busy at work, so I didnt have many chances to go out and meet new people.
Before I met my partner - oh I met my fair share of idiots and players! There were a couple of guys who really hurt me, it was incredibly hard at times and I would say 80% of people using dating sites are there to play games. But you get the odd few who are the exception to the rule and will prove you wrong - and I am very glad I met my partner who is the opposite of a player. He is genuine, has not dated many women, has slept with under 10 people in his life, and has mostly had long term relationships in the past.
So yes, there are lots of players on dating sites, and you do need to be careful. But once you have met a good guy on there (there are a few!) then the rest of the relationship is just the same as if you had met them in real life - meeting online only affects the way you MEET, not the rest of your relationship.
Dont let anyone try and de-value what you and your ex had - you had a happy relationship and no-one can try and tell you that breaking up was inevitable purely because of meeting online, that is narrow-minded nonsense. Your break up had nothing to do with the way you met, it was purely because your lives went in different directions. It sounds like you had the opportunity to go with him, so that indicates he would have committed to you long term so no-one can claim he was a player or anything like that, he wanted you to go with him!
Dont be put off from trying online dating again, yes there are plenty of idiots but there are a few good ones. And dont listen to these idiots that are trying to put you down, they havent got a clue what they are talking about.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, Drew21  +, writes (13 April 2011):
 Eh, I think society is starting to accept internet dating more and more each day as a viable way to establish meaningful relationships.
Of course you will ALWAYS have your players.. Guys who are just looking to hook up.. Married men trying to cheat on their wives.. that sort of thing. But i think you get that anywhere.. In a bar, in the personal ads, etc.
I know i tend to keep quiet about this (because there is a perception that online dating is not "real"), but my wife of 4 years now and i met on a dating website, and if you looked at it you would NEVER believe it..She is a bonafide beautiful, smart, sexy and successful woman.
It IS possible to form meaningful relationships via online dating!
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