A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am having a relationship with a zimbabwean man. I think it's love but for him, he seems a bit of a player. A lot of my friends (including some zimbabweans) say it's a culture thing... any views? Do culture differences really make a difference??
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (15 March 2008):
 Culture does make a hell of a lot of difference. Communication is very important in a couple; well, it's way more important for lovers of different cultures. You need to be very patient, very understanding and extremely sincere. You also need two more things, in never ending supply:
a) to actually view the other person as he or she really is, not as a stereotype. When you reduce the complexity of a person to five or six characteristics, then you're not looking at him or her. You have made a quick and perhaps superficial summary of what he or she is, and I doubt that a relationship can actually work if you don't really know who you're relating to.
b) to actually WANT the relationship to work, and to be willing to work very hard for it. You will come across a lot of questioning of your own way to be, and you need to understand that the other person has a different take on things.
If you could be more explicit, perhaps I could help you a bit more. I am of a different culture myself, and I'm not zimbabwean, but I've been there.
I just would like to give you two short and innocent examples of how culture affects human interaction. Both involve carrying weights.
My first boss was an extremely talented and expert Canadian woman. Everyone marveled at how intelligent, efficient and hard-working she was. A dream of a woman, because she was also pretty. Well, none of us was ever able to help her with her luggage. Where I live, it's only polite for men to help women with their luggage. She asked whether we thought she was incapable of carrying her own things just because she was a woman.
Recently, I worked with a British consultant, another woman. We were in a very rural area, where old ways not only die hard, but also are very likely to resurrect. I offered to carry her bag and this lady also said no. All right. When the men in the area saw me, without any load, and her, with a load, they all cast disapproving glances at me.
A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (15 March 2008):
Culture does make a difference. The thing that most makes the difference is CORE VALUES AND BELIEFS. Core values and beliefs are formulated in childhood through experience with parents and beliefs and values they hold. For example if he grew up in an environment where the male totally dominated and was allowed to do as he pleased and the females role was to be accepting of this then this would be a major part of who he is. However, individual PERCEPTION is the driving force for people. I mean say there is mum dad and three kids. Dad is dominant and abuses mum , mum stays in the relationship. Say she has two girls and one boy. The girls will grow up thinking this is ok to be treated like this. Both girls may feel it is wrong but one will have a perception that this is an injustice and will grow up never taking crap. The other girl may find herself in the same situation in adulthood. The boy can do one of two things according to his PERCEPTION. He may become an abuser or he may chose to never treat a woman like this. Same family different perceptions. So the other poster that said it comes down to the individual is right. But yes culture is a factor.
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A
female
reader, lovablechunkyshaz +, writes (15 March 2008):
 I think cultures can make a diffrence however its down to the individual person, My take is, if he loves you then it should be only you he will want to be intimate with, Not saying he cant look or flirt as this is never a bad thing, but as long as it does not go in to a deeper flirting nature,Go with your instincts, go with ur heart, Ur head can over rule what the heart is saying, but be strong and think about how you feel about him, if u can trust him and if the answer is no, walk away, you have nothing without trust, not even love, Good luck.
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