A
female
age
26-29,
lovablechunkyshaz
writes:Please can you help, My beautiful partner used to swing with his ex, while I am open minded, I can't do this and I have told him so and he has said he would never make me do anything to feel uncomfortable. He said it's not the fact he never felt sexually fulfilled it's just he loved the raw sex factor, I just can't do this, not that I'm against others doing this please let me add, but I was brought up to believe sex was an act of love, but also an act of fun and pleasure, I'm going out of my mind with worry, even though we have discussed this, the thought of not fulfilling him one day makes me cry, this man is the ultimate love of my life and I'd do anything for him but I can't do this, I suppose my question is will love over rule urges of this nature?? He tells me every day he loves me, And I'm his lady,
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female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (16 March 2008):
 Whatever his "nature" is (and I hope he didn't use that term), can be overruled by character. We humans are the only ones in the animal kingdom that have this freedom of choice. A person with character and accountability that does not have the intention of cheating, will not put themselves in a situation to cheat. A person that wants to be free of that accountability, on the other hand, will see nothing wrong with facing and failing to resist temptation and will call it "nature". This is where you hear the common phrase "it accidentally happened" or "Any guy would do the same in my situation".
I think your concern with your man has to do with how accountable you feel he is or fear he is not.
A
female
reader, Fade878  +, writes (16 March 2008):
 The individual themselves gets to decide for themselves what will rule them, by the choices they make.
For some, who wish to be honorable-they will not let their lust decide for themselves.
Unfortunately swinging is a lifestyle choice and to get to that point, you must let go of what the traditional meaning of what monogamy means.
In the end, it is a relationship where two individuals have a different meaning of what love is.
You either accept he will desire others for sexual fulfillment, or you walk away.
The choice is ultimately yours on how much heartache you will endure.
Why even choose someone who has such a different believe on what love and physical intimacy means?
It's meant to enhance and strengthen and that isn't happening.
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A
male
reader, Stroller +, writes (16 March 2008):
 Urges, smurges - those can be fulfilled with one hand tied behind your back. Love is what's valuable, and it sounds like this guy knows it. I've hung out on the BDSM scene myself, and can definitely take it or leave it - I'd never want any lover of mine feeling that she doesn't compare with that or "needs to compete" (apart from anything else, it's often nothing worth competing over.Plus 5-stars to korculan's answer.
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (15 March 2008):
the fact he said that he would never make you do anything that made you feel uncomfortable are positive words coming from a male and is definitely guy talk for I care for you and love you and do not want to lose you. He was HONEST with you with his past and really he could have not told you and just continued doing this behind your back but he TOLD YOU. Very good indication of his respect for you.
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A
female
reader, thatgothgirl20 +, writes (15 March 2008):
 You have got to stop overthinking. I am guilty of this myself sometimes. Guy tells you, "It's fine you don't have to." Some of us tend to worry and think that he doesn't really mean what he said and that it will come up and bite us in the ass later. Sex is not love. If he truly loves you, love will win in this case. Don't sweat it.
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