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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Introduction: I'm in my early thirties and unemployed. I live with my parents adn because of lack of money and friends. I almost never go out except to church and to buy things for my family or do them favors. I'm not a kid person and my mother takes care of my little nice and nephew 5 days a week what adds to the depressing environment I live in, although sometimes I laugh a lot with them. My family doesn't share my christian beliefs so there's another way of felling weird around my family. Everyday we have to have my sister with or without her husband coming to dinner after work. I dislike the fact that my mother supports the fact that my sister is a bad wife and mother and lives to cover her up by feeding the family she (my sister) is supossed to feed and taking care of them as if she (my mother) was the wife and mother of my sister's husband and children. My sister and her husband earn very good money and they work very close so there's no excuse for them not to grab their kids and leave and have dinner at their house. Anyway that shouldn't be my problem because I'm living here for free. Thank goodness my in a few weeks vacations are over and my little niece will start school for the first time and my little nephew will go away also. Of course I'm the one who needs to go away but nothing happens. I have a lot of student loans and credit card debt so any stupid job won't get me to become independent and I'd rather depend on my family than in a man. I would never get married until I have lived alone and enjoyed life. I'm basically a quiet woman and have a good reputation. I'm a professional and I thought I had been very sincere with my family regarding what I like and dislike and what makes me happy or not in life. But of course as a typical dysfucntional family they don't listen. My question has to do with my mother but I wanted you to learn a little about my life so you'd get the whole picture.Very infrequently (to save gas) I go out on short car trips around the town to feel alive and to breathe a different air. Is that so weird? Then Why does my mother gets all like paranoid (she tries to cover it up but I can tell because i know her and because she'd start bitting her thumb nail) when I suddenly decide to go out and she doesn't know where I'm going? It has always been the like this. If she masters my rutine and then I suddenly change it she goes nuts. It makes me mad because she should know me already. For God sakes I've lived most of my life with her. Yesterday when I went out with my dog for a short car trip and I told her I was going for a short car trip What's wrong with her? She asked me where was I going after I said clearly I was going for a short car trip wiht my beloved dog. I got home and she was on the phone, but like a half hour later she started trying to be funny with me trying to guess where I went as if she had to know. I expected that already so I got mad and told her she doesnt' know me at all (among other things) Doesn't she understand car trips have no special purpose? What about when I spend entire days in my bedroom with only the computer, the TV and my dog? I feel a desperate need to talk to someone and I go and tell her something and she doesn't even look at my face. Doesn't she understand I need to speak to people too. But she doesn't care because she speaks daily with her friends over the phone, with my sister about her stupid job and with my brother in law, my father, and all and when finally there's no one to take care of she wants to relax and watch TV and doesn't care about what I have to say. I understand that but why doesn't she cares about my needs just like she cares about the needs of othres? What about when I come from church? Why doesn't she asks me about that? I was wondering if this is abnormal or do all the mothers "care" for their children like that no matter how old they are?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2009): Hi: I'm The poster of this Question and I'm very grateful for your replies. Some things you wrote made me laugh a little. Sorry for my bad spelligg but english is not my first language so I had to spend more time than usual to write the whole story and I sent it without proofreadng it a lot.
I feel your support. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 No, not all by any means but many do and in this case by appearing to make yourself dependent on your parents you are strengthening the parent - child dynamic. I just arrived yesterday with my family to stay with my mother in England. I'm 39, I have 3 children of my own, I own companies that employ more than 200 people, I weigh a little over 20 stone and I have a face scarred from a reluctance to back down if someone is looking for a fight BUT when I'm in this house I'm still still my mother's baby boy. I remember a few years back we were all on holiday somewhere and we overheard my mother and father talking to friends of theirs during which conversation they referred a couple of times to "the Children". The eldest of my sisters protested gently afterwards saying "Mum, I'm 53, is there going to be a time when I'm not one the "the Children"". To which the answer was very straightforward "No." Having seen 3 X in recent years what a mother goes through to produce and raise a child I have no difficulty understanding why they wouldn't want to let go. Although this is not your question, I'm going to be presumptuous and say that it seems to me as if you need a dramatic change of environment. From what you have written it appears that you have intelligence, strong religious convictions, no particular desire for riches and that you are stuck in a huge rut and that if you are not careful you are soon going to find yourself stuck looking after your ageing parents and getting increasingly bitter about never having lived your own life. All over the world there are people in bad situations who could benefit from things that you could do. Pick a country that appeals, book a flight and go and find someone that you can help.
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A
male
reader, holikdad  +, writes (8 July 2009):
First off a lot of parents disapprove of their childrens actions or hobbies. My mother to this day still hates it when I wear tank top t-shirts because they show my tattoo's, but I do it anyway.Second, why are you still living at home? I realize you have student loans and credit card debt, but you're not going to pay them off any faster while you're unemployed. Get a job, you obviously have college credits or a degree of some sort or you wouldn't have the loans.Once you start working you can pour your whole paychecks into paying off the debt. Since you're living with your Mom for free most if not all of your income can be used to pay off this debt. Once you pay some of that debt down then move out on your own, then you can drive around town and go to church as much as you want without anyone questioning your actions.
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