A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I've been seeing someone for the past 6 months and everything has been going great. I've liked her for 3 years and when we finally got together I was elated. She used to be dating someone else before me who didnt treasure her and used her. Now, they are still in contact sporadically but I'm very uncomfortable with that. It's childish to say this but I hate this guy with a vengeance. I dont understand why she doesnt want to burn this bridge when he's hurt her so much before. Recently, he came to her with a lucrative job offer and she decided not to take it up because i didnt like the idea of them working in the same company. Now I keep thinking that she's only with me because he didnt want her back then. That thought is killing me. I love her alot but at the same time, I think I hate this guy even more. I'm very afraid that I'll end up hurt again. There's alot of background information I dont have time to explain but she's hurt me deeply before. Please advise. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2009): i'm the author of the orginal post. i've tried talking with her about this before. at the back of my mind, i keep thinking that i'll end up hurt again. even when they broke it off, that guy (who chose another girl over her) would go to her for sex sometimes. how can i ever be alright with her working with him? why does she want to keep in contact with someone who has used her, who's detrimental to her relationship with me now? she's said that there no point in hating him (which i agree, hatred is torturous). but i dont understand why she'd want to continue keeping him as a contact. i believe her with all my heart when she says that she doesnt feel anything for him anymore n that she doesnt care about him. but like all affairs, no one intended to hurt anyone, things just happened. so why not prevent it when you can? it's too easy to say, 'sorry i never meant to hurt you' at the end.
A
female
reader, ilovebowsandcherries  +, writes (8 July 2009):
 well if you feel this way then why not sit her down and talk to her find out why she is still in contact with him?
i mean she may just want to be civil with him rather than have ructions every now and again with him and hatred.
she maybe a mellow person and want peace or she may want to be in contact withh im to find out why he treated her so badly...
i've done that kept in contact with someone to find out as to why they treated me poorly what i did to deserve it?
because when you're not with them you feel stronger than when you are.
but sit with her and talk to her tell her how it's making you feel and how much you actually hate this guy for everything he put her through and you don't understand why she doesn't feel the same also.
Hope this helps
x ilovebowsandcherries x
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