A
male
age
51-59,
*lexit
writes:Last year I ended my 8 year marriage to my wife for MANY reason. We were total opposite, and in different places of our lives. My family understood my reasons and were very supportive. Until I started dating again. Shortly after my divorce I started dating Jenn, younger girl from work. We NEVER had any type of relationship before my divorce. We talked now and then but that was it. She is a lot younger then me she is 22 and I am 38. Our relationship went moved very fast, when we were seeing each other for close to 3 months she found out she was pregnant. My family were horrible towards her. My sister called her a home wrecker, gold digger and a child everything she could think of. my brother says I am in a midlife crisis and that our relationship isn't real. My mother is nice when my girl friend is there but when I am alone she is always saying things like how she is to young or how one day I will wake up and she will be gone with some one her own age. I am happy and thats what matters. But I know how much it upset Jenn, she wants my family to like her, she wants to be close to them. HSe has went out of her way to be nice but they are so closed minded that they don't care.So many times after visit with my family they have made Jenn feel so unwelcomed that she was literally cried on the drive home. I hate seeing her so upset. It is to the point now that I don't care if we visit them at all. Which makes Jenn feel like it is her fault I am not seeing my family. My sister in law (one of the few family members that is nice to her) asked me if she would mind if she threw us a baby shower (this is the first child for both of us)and my sister was mad about it. I know jenn woudl love it but at the same time how rude and cold would they be towards her. My daughter is due to be born in a few weeks and I am happy and excited so is Jenn but I am afraid of the way that my family will act. I literally stress out over wondering what they coudl possibel say at the hospital to upset her. How can I explain or show them how happy were are as a couple and how much pain they are causing us?
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female
reader, Carrot2000  +, writes (24 May 2010):
 I think when marriages end, people forget that the extended family also experiences a loss. I don't know what kind of relationship your family had with your ex-wife, but I'm sure it's hard to just cut off someone who's been around for 8 years, switch gears and accept welcome someone new with open arms. Just because you're ready to love someone else doesn't mean they are. You haven't known this girl very long and you're already having a baby with her, so of course they are suspicious of your relationship.
While they are entitled to their opinion, but they are not entitled to treat Jenn cruelly. If you love her, don't subject her to such treatment just because you feel the need to have your family's approval. If you don't want her to be stressed out and hurt, stop putting her in the line of fire. You have to accept the fact that your family is not happy with your current situation and no matter how happy you may be, you can't force Jenn down their throats. Stop begging for their approval and start acting like a grown-ass 38 year old man and focus on the impending birth of your child. You don't need their permission to move forward.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2010): If you guys are happy, then nothing or no one should matter.
Don't take Jenn to your family, they will just mess things for you.
And so what if she is younger than you? The most important thing is SHE makes you HAPPY and you do the same.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (22 May 2010):
 Tell Jenn it would be unrealistic right now for your family to like her. It takes time to soften the prejudice and dissolve boundaries. If they will be mean at the hospital they don't have to go. There is nothing worse than going there just for the reason of being nosy. You show them how happy you are by not trying to get their approval, and by cutting out the unpleasant factor in your life, if that means bringing Jenn to your family less than necessary. Your family members could probably be jealous that you took the courage to end your sad marriage and live a new life. Maybe they themselves are trapped in a marriage and are acting the frustration out on you because they don't have the guts to leave and start over again. Right now just be extra nice to her family.
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