A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am in such a dilemma about my breast implants and need advice please.I have always had very small breasts - a very small, only just 34A (more like a 33A). I actually wouldn't mind this, but the thing is that I only ever put weight on, on my hips and thighs, so I am naturally very pear shaped when almost all images and women I see with very small breasts are balanced all over. To keep my hips and thighs toned I have to not eat ANY sugar at all and have to combine running, cycling, yoga and toning exercises, just to keep them looking half way decent. I get very bad cellulite and have had this since about fourteen years old. I think when people do see it, it shocked them because, with clothes on, I can manage to look like one of those all-over, slender women, but without clothes I really do look disproportionate and my thighs always seem slightly out of condition, no matter what I do.Anyway, despite this pear shape, I was just starting to accept and love my small breasts at about 19 years old, when I got married. But then I had a child at 20 and received no advice about looking after my breasts whilst breast-feeding. My breasts inflated massively and then shrank back after a few months after giving birth. This was very difficult for me to handle pscychologically - it had been hard accepting my breast size in the first place and then the texture of them changed entirely, they became like very small 'doughy' appendages - it really affected me badly partly because there was no discussion of this and no advice. Worse still, after breastfeeding, my nipples enlarged and really stuck out and looked totally wrong for my very small breasts - they are like animal nipples or the proverbial "cigar butts" on tiny, droopy breasts, very disproportionate and, if I stood sideways, quite odd in profile. As well as this, one side of my chest/breast bone, is very prominent, so the breast bone jutts slightly forward of the very small breasts and looks very ugly. I'd heard that small breasts can't droop but mine did. It really was not a pretty sight. It still upsets me that I only had a few months of finally accepting my breasts as lovely and then they became effectively disfigured.I found I was constantly wearing padded bras and it was making me really very miserable indeed. I was in an 18 year relationship with someone who was abusive and, whilst he never commented on my breasts, I knew he liked bigger ones and his lack of kindness to me wore my self esteem away. I longed for slightly bigger breasts, but never wanted really large ones and for years hated the idea of implants.Finally I had very small breast implants at the age of 40. I was still a 34A, but a "filled out" one. I'm really not the kind of person who goes in for anything artificial and I think people would be VERY shocked if they found out, not just in relation to me personally, but in principal;everyone I know hates plastic surgery etc. and particularly hates the way that women with low self esteem have implants. I have to admit, I don't even agree with most of it but I had become worn down and desperate.Anyway, what I found is that my confidence grew in one way - I felt in the right proportion and I LOVED being able to buy and fill out a non=padded bra. However, I HATED the artificiality of the breasts. I have no cleavage because there's not enough fat there and the contours of the round implants are very obvious from some angles and under some lights. They can also be felt very easily. Even though I can tell that the surgeon did a good job and they look as natural as they could, without being under the muscle, I have such little fat in that area of my body (in contrast to my hips and thighs) that the contours of the implants show through. It makes me very sad and I fear being judged about this more than I feared the judgements I used to get for having small breasts - and I really did get these comments and judgements, surprisingly, especially from gay men (!) friends, who felt free to just put me down about them - god only knows why that was, but they really did do this. I just wish, more than anything, that my breasts had grown to this (still small) size naturally. The other thing I found was that, after splitting from my ex, who knew about the implants and, in a sexist way I suppose, got turned on by them - we never had a deeper discussion about them as he just refused to discuss it - I have found myself shocked with what I've done - I feel I crossed a really important ethical line - and unable to form a new relationship because of it.There is such a massive backlash against implants right now - and I can really understand this - and the men I'm interested in are the kind of intellectual types who simply wouldn't find this at all ethical and, I can image, this would actually stop them from forming a relationship because they'd see it as a sign of a woman with mixed up values. And they'd be right, I suppose. When I was on holiday recently I noticed women sunbathing topless on the beach with very small breasts and hips a little bit smaller than mine but still pear shaped, and they looked lovely - but a lot of this was being tanned and glowing in the sun. But I thought maybe I really do just need to accept and love myself for what I am and get these implants out, so that I can sunbathe freely like that. I would never sunbathe topless right now because then people would know - I tried this naively straight after getting my implants and I couldn't understand why people were staring at me, because it hadn't hit me how artificial they look under bright light. And I can't bear the thought of some man touching my breasts and realising they're not real and then having to explain - I used to dread the idea of any man touching my breasts and being so disappointed with what I naturally had, but this now feels worse - not in terms of how they look with clothes on - I've noticed men really do respond differently to my slightly larger breasts and like them - but with clothes off, I just would feel like I had embodied a lie.I'm just so confused about what to do now. And I think one man in particular is very interested in me now, who I really like a lot, and, if anything happens, I just want things to get off on a good start. I don't want to start a relationship and then have to say to him, "look I have implants but I also may move them soon" - it seems like a double "head f***" for anyone to come to terms with, when at the start it should just be fun.I've read that when you have implants removed, the breast can often just go back to how it was. But I'm worried the skin on my breasts may have stretched slightly and the sagging will be even worse, with huge nipples sticking out and breast bones. I've also heard you can have a breast lift, but I'm so confused about what point this should happen - at the same time you have the implants removed or later on after the breast has adjusted a bit? And can breast lifts work on small breasts?I've also heard that, if you have implants put in under the muscle, this can improve their natural look. I don't think this is what I want to do, I think I just have to accept they have to come out, but I wondered if this does make much difference?Can anyone advise me? Has anyone been through this or similar? I know if I have the implants out, I will find it very difficult to cope with unless I have a kind of plan and overview and a good perspective on what I'm doing. I've heard you can have the removal done under local anaesthetic. Has anyone done this and does anyone know of the costs involved? Should I just go back to the same place where I had them put in or try somewhere new? I can't talk to anyone about it as the only person who knew was my ex partner and my daughter - who, by the way, has the very opposite problem from me - 34GG breasts that are too large for her liking!!
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breasts, confidence, muscle, my ex, nipples, on holiday, self esteem, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2015): I am no expert on this topic, but I have some thoughts:
1. If implants make you feel better then keep them.
2. Don't forget that men like many different types of breasts/nipples. Just because you think they are unattractive doesn't mean some man you are with won't love them!
3. You seem to have a lot of issues with your breasts. Maybe some therapy would help you out or help you decide what to do?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2015): Oops. I hit the send button. He loves that im confident and happier with my new body. I'm not a fake person either. I don't wear fake tan or too much makeup. If these guys are smart enough then they should accept you as you come. You can always explain your reasons but to be honest. I just tell people how much I love how they make me feel. Also, maybe consider teardrop anatomicals ... these are a different shape to rounds much more natural slope and shape. My man loves them now and can't tell the difference!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2015): I'm the same as you. I had very small breasts 32AA and any weight I gain goes straight to bum and thighs and with bad cellulite. I had breast implants a few months ago and it has really helped my self confidence which has always been low! My boyfriend *hates* all things fake including makeup and fake tan and all of that. He is quite intellectual. But, he was supportive because he believes in being happy and confident. He loves that im
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2015): I'm in the same boat as your daughter, but I'm also trying to gradually lose weight, so I'll probably need surgery to sort out the excess skin and saggy breasts :/
Go back to the surgeon and ask what can be done - it's specific to each individual and we can't really tell you without just guessing.
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