A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've had a lover now for almost 7 months. I knew he wasn't boyfriend material for meBecause we live in two different worlds.He's divorced father of 3 in the military and I am single..college educated well traveled.Not only that.. He can be rude an an arrogantJerk. When he revealed this side.. I left him.After month. We reconnected because he calledCrying wanting me back and a 2nd chance. This dysdunctinal relatinship continued. I was determineTo protect my heart and he was determine To make me fall in love with him. I won't lieWhen we are together it is truly amazing. The problem is he's a womanizer.of course He denies it and say I am his girl. Anyway Last night I called and he didn't pick up. I stopBy his apt and peeked through the window Where I saw him kissing and playing backgammonOn a game I bought him. I stayed calmed..but knocked Ok the door. Here come the worse part. He didn't Have the balls to answer. He made his Marine roomate Yell to me "go away!! " then they closed all theShade and turn off the lights like they weren't home.His roomate ..who I thought was cool before Treated me like a stray dog he had to shoo away.So now I am hurt , humilated. And mad at myself For giving him a 2nd chance at hurting me. My question is .. Did the Military take thesemen's heart away? I looked at them as heroesSo brave and courageous and now all I seeIs men who will do and say anything to get What they want from women. They care. Their heartIs cold. I am sad. I will miss him cause I trulyCared for him. I plan on changing my number And I never want him in my life. It just hurts When just that day..he told me he loved me And ask me marry him .. He can treat me likeWhat we had was shit. I don't understand Men,Love, and I lost my faith in myself to love again.I feel dead inside.
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divorce, kissing, military, womaniser Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): What he did to you was horrible. You dont need to endure such things. But I wanna say a few of my thoughts regarding military. Military is no place for humans coz it challenges the basic driving force of evolution "survival instinct." In military you are supposed to lay down your life for your country. They are ready to face death for you and me. I take that safety provided by them to me for granted while partying away and living my life not caring a damn. So I really think it is not a big deal if some day some soldier decides to violate me. It is a fair exchange a fair deal in my mind. Just imagine a scenario where no one in your country volunteered to join military. Another country with a military can easily run over your country, take everything away from you and violate you and murder you. So it is all part of life, something you accept in life's path. Everything wont be fair in life. So never fail to be grateful to those men and women in military whom we may never meet in life but who provide us the safety and all the privileges we enjoy in life. So to your question "Did the military take this man's heart away?" I say, it is not a surprise and it is only reasonable. If he cares about his feelings and has a soft heart, he cant serve in military. Of course most men in military can separate their life as a soldier and their life as a normal man and be tender human beings in their normal life. Such military guys please dont take offence to my posting. I am only saying that if there is an exception it is totally understandable and justified.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): hmmm thats tough questions its occupied song writers for decades.
I think we do it because if it does work out it is actually worth it... or so i am told.
Star.x.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThere is nothing to talk about.
He made his decisions when he
Didn't answer his door. I have no choice
But to forget him and move on.
My only problem is I've done this
Before and everytime I forget about
Him, he finds a way to come in
Contact declaring his love.
But this time is it. I wish he had the
Respect to leave me alone forever.
He is was injured from Iraq and does
PTSD. the thing was I didn't care about
That. He begged for me to let him prove
Himself. I guess that's why I stuck around
. I want to believe that there is still love and
Decentcy in mankind. He prove to me we
Live in such a cold, heartless world.
I never wanted to become that person
But I see myself changing just to protect
My heart and never get hurt again.
We all go looking for love yet when you find it
Why do we do things to each other to
Sabatoge it and hurt one another?
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic  +, writes (20 March 2009):
 We aren't all cold blooded. But the military life style can encourage a certain coldness as we expect death to be round the corner often, so selfishly, some soldiers will go out and womanise, enjoy themselves and treat every day at home as their last days on Earth.
I'm not agreeing with them or think it is fair on the poor girls who have to put up with it, but it is kind of understandable.
Getting close to someone is difficult when you know in 6 weeks time you are of to Afghanistan, and may come back in a BOX or worse still come back with 3rd degree burns and both legs missing, and all you think about is that no one will ever find you attractive. And that's just the physical injuries what about the PTSD when we'll come home mental.
It's not that soldiers can't love it's just they try not to, I tried really hard not to but still got married as I couldn't fight it, now I'm leaving the Army as I can't risk everything any more.
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A
female
reader, SJ_ninety +, writes (20 March 2009):
 Become a lesbian, lol.
But seriously though, even women who are quite smart tend to unconsciously "dumb themselves down" to show a more affectionate side. But that's women and even the most tight-assed and "hard-core" ones show their emotional side when it comes to matters of the heart. We just don't want to get hurt and it seems you've already been hurt by this man and yes, that happens in even the best-working relationships, but this: "I feel dead inside." That right there tells me something is VERY wrong with this situation. You either talk to him about this, get out, or you're on your own. After you receive advice from this website, it's all on you and what you want to do. Good luck, though, and keep us posted! =]
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009): wow zombies who type - fantastic.
Of course it hurts. Its supposed to bloody hurt. If it didnt hurt then people would do this more often
Hug - you deserve better. I cant take away the pain and i don't want to. I want you to push through it and realise that he was a fool. You are better than that - you have said so yourself.
Go get someone to love you- yes the real you. Your pride has taken a knock, but your intelligence in your post shows you have more to give and be given to. This guy was the warm up for that, thats all. (he was a leach really who)
Your heat is fine its your head thats the problem - get it busy - really busy don't spend time thinking - do things. go out , build something, decorate, dance , design (stuck on d's but you get the point) do things . plan the best trip in the world - where would you go? And when would you go -and which century? talk to people.
I didn't mean the zombie thing - that would be daft, it means i am typing to a zombie. I am sure i am not....i hope.
Hugs, Star.x.
ps not all men are like that (i am getting sick of saying that - maybe we are)
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