A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Ok now im confused. My husband and I had a fight last night and he pretty much told me the only reason he's staying with me is because it's cheaper to keep me than divorce and pay child support on 3 kids. Then later he tries to apologize and says he is happy with me and that he loves his son to death. Any insight would much be appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhi i appreciate all the advice but just to inform all yes we have 3 kids together a 17 month old son and twin girls on the way due september we have had a couple major problems last one was in may when i caught him internet cheating again. and we havent really been the same since we had a split couple of years ago so he could go fool around is pretty much what it turned out to be. following year he did internet cheating. so see there is a pattern going on. i know being pregnant i havwe been extra moody more than usual and it doesnt help the situation but the amount of times hes hurt me and the mixed signals hes sending and weve had our arguments but hes never said anything like that before
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): sorry to tell you this but..if he said that,,it means he thought about leaving...how i know cause i went through the same thing before i got divorced,,i figured it was cheaper to stay and make it seem all was good, than having to fork out so much money that i wouldnt have enuff to live on myself..but..since he said out loud now he`s gonna think twice about it so talk to him now !!!
you will get the answer you want from him...good luck
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (29 July 2009):
 I dont think he will of meant what he said, it was more likely to be a heat of the moment thing where he just said it to hurt you. Everyone says stupid things in the middle of an argument, and afterwards you always wonder how you could of said something so hurtful.
I suggest you sit down one night after the kids have gone to bed and explain how much his comment has hurt you and affected you - explain that you cant get it out of your head and you are concerned that what he said may be the truth. Make sure he knows that he can talk to you if there are things in your relationship that he is not happy with. Perhaps you could each write a list of things that you are currently unhappy with in your relationship (if you both do it you are more likely to get honest answers). Go through the list together and make action points - what you can do to try and rectify these problems.
While I am no expert on marriage, there is a chance that you are just going through a rough patch and need to spend some time working on your relationship. Marriages take a lot of work and issues need to be dealt with before they turn into a major problem. He needs to know that if something is making him unhappy he needs to get it off his chest.
One other thing that might help, I'm guessing seen as you have 3 kids that you struggle to make time for each other and are pretty exhausted at the end of the day. Why not organise a trip away for a weekend and have your family look after the kids? Or even if the kids just go to your family for 1 night and then you have a romantic meal together or something. Having nights or weekends, just the 2 of you, every now and again will help get your relationship back on track. Your arguments will probably be arising through stress and you will be losing sight of who you married in the first place. Having the odd night alone together will help you reconnect and remember that person you fell in love with in the first place.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (29 July 2009):
The only person who knows what is in his head is him.
He could well have said it to hurt you in anger. He could have meant it the tiniest bit. He could mean it fully.
Tell him you can't get it out of your head (in a calm way) and tell him that he really hurt you. You don't want to start a row but it's fair enough to be upset and explain why you are upset.
Give him a chance to make it up to you with actions not words.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 July 2009): Only you know if he was serious. Lots of people say awful things out of anger and regret them later. Talk about this tohim and tell him it hurt and concerned you. Just don't sound accusatory or condescending when you have that conversation with him.
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