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Did I ruin my chances by sleeping with him too soon?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (6 August 2008) 7 Answers - (Newest, 6 August 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met this guy who's 24, im 21. he is such good fun and we get on so well, the only problem is i slept with him second time i met him. I have seen him twice after this just to meet for drinks. He texts me most days or calls. But he hasnt asked me out on a dinner date or cinema.

I just wonder if me sleeping with him has doomed i gave it up so quickly. Also i have douts as he manages a pub that he works in 6 days a week, so must have loads of drunk women offering themselves etc.

I just want to know if you think ive ruined things, does this sound like something he prob does?

Another thing is he has a child who's 2 and that really freaked me out!

View related questions: drunk, text

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

I do concur with Diovan's assessment here, the most. I think if you had 'ruined things' with this guy, you would not have met for drinks post-sex, , nor would he be texting and calling you most days. And why are you having self-doubts and being a tad hard on yourself? He gave it up too..this was mutually, agreed upon sex, that two people consented to.

I suggest you get to know this fellow real well..his thoughts, opinions, his values...everything that makes him tick. While I always tell people to wait until having sex, that always doesn't guaruntee that the relationship will take hold, either. But I do think it may increase the odds and it doesn't hurt to hold back. But who really knows, this guy could turn out to be the one for you. As dating is a selection process, you will now in time if he's right for you. Just ensure that he always respects you.

Please remember, many young people mistake sex with having an immediate relationship. You don't appear to be having this problem. Even though you both had sex, you still know that it takes time to develop other aspects of the relationship...the emotional, bonding aspects. Remember, you have control over your body, ease back until you knw where this is heading. The big thing here is to respect yourself and that is what he will take note about. So use your head, don't engage the 'heart' too quickly--this relationship is just getting out of the starting gate. Slow it down but be happy, positive and let him know you are interested, but don't overwhelm him.

If he is a father and you know he's not committed to the Mother, in any way (cohabitation, marriage) then you might want to understand , that a lot of his time and energies could go into being with this child. Thus he may have to have a somewhat 'amiable' relationship with the Mother. If you take him on, you take on the Mother and child, as well. You will have to be willing to share that aspect of his life.

So...have fun, dear, be happy, think smart and I wish you the best.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

Well then babes, apart from his kid and his job, I'd say take the sex thing slow, get to know each other, and you have no problems at all. This guy is interested in you, and sex is just something that happened one night.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (6 August 2008):

hlskitten agony auntSome guys dont like girls making themselves too available to them. Or throwing themselves at them. Works the other way round too. Some women dont like guys that are too easy either.

C xxxxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

He is not married! He is single as far as i know. I have not slept with him since but we have still seen each other and im seeing him again sat. We dont just talk about sex, we talk about everything. He has not mentioned sex since we started seeing each other after.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

He calls you, he texts you, that means that he is thinking of you and has respect for you. He sounds like an adult man, who dosen't expect a woman to be a shy virgin, and dose judge those people who like to have sex. He's busy with the pub, but he still makes time to call if not to date. I'd say he likes you, why don't you ask him if he'd like to go to the cinema with you, or go to dinner. I'm sure if he can, he'll find some time to be with you. He dosen't sound like a user, I assume your not still having sex. He's taken you out for drinks, so it's more than sex he's interested in.

His son is a part of his life, and you will really need to deal with that. His job also takes up his time, and you might often find yourself alone. If you can deal with these things, then what can it hurt. It's the 211st century, women are equal to men, give him a call, and show him that your also interested in him.

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A female reader, Angle79 Cambodia +, writes (6 August 2008):

Angle79 agony auntHi,

He has a child?? Is he married? - If he is! Please leave him alone. He is using you for fun and he thinks that was just a one night stand!

To answer to your question: this is my opinion, having sex with a man so quickly is not right. They can judge that you a type of woman who can easily have sex with anyone! Anyway, what could we say coz you have already done that! Now, first you should find out if he is a married man. If yes, leave him and move on and you will learn from this mistake, don't got to bed with man so quickly, at least not before you know his marital status. Good luck darling!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2008):

oh dear- doesnt sound good-

some guy are just a little bit noddy-

you sound young- maybe chase him around, dont offer yourself so quick- see if he bites and if he doesnt move on.

ps. hold your sex until he bites and shows you some proper interest.

when i met my girlfriend for the first time i had a mini pow feeling- then a love explosion-

her mind was practically elsewhere and she hadnt long before broken up with an ex.

I have suffered alot to prove my love and my feelings are real. and to practically make a future has taken alot of bending and twisting- but i do it for love.

we have connected in beutiful ways and now far more often, this is after 1 year.

is the juice worth the squeese? do you get a definate feeling with him- do you have anything to offer? are you industrious enough to succeed?

is he even worth it- if he has a brain cell then he will clock on- but your 21 and he is a manager (maybe not a good choice) he may view you like dead weight if your lives dont match up.

take some time out- dont think about things too much and go do things you like to do.

if you guys can chat about cool stuff other than relationships for hours on end and he is genuinely interested then thats a good sign

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