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Did I overreact to a situation? Some co-workers say I did and now I feel uncomfortable

Tagged as: Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 November 2017) 5 Answers - (Newest, 14 November 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hey guys this is not a romance question

But I just need an opinion as to wether I'm being silly or not

Ok there was a work leaving drink a few weeks ago

At the drink was a guy ive never seen eye to eye to at work

My friend who I was with had, had a few drinks and thought it would be good to talk to hear and confront him over him being weird with me

On her telling me at the bar i was embarrassed and mortified at this and felt really uncomfortable so kind of said to get why did she do that etc

Now what's really p*sses me off is another colleague I classed as a friend decided to stick her oar in and made me feel like I was overreacting etc

I went he that night feeling like sh* t and have since avoided work dos

My friend and I have spoken since but was having lunch with the colleague who interfered yesterday and she spent the lunch telling me I'd been horrible to the other girl and she had felt really uncomfortable etc

I was really unhappy with her saying this and cut my lunch break short

I really don't think I did overreact but this other colleague now has been saying i was being nasty etc

Now I feel awful ??

View related questions: at work, co-worker

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 November 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntTo me it sounds like your co-worker had a few drinks and thought she would be a good friend. Had you mentioned to this friend before that this guy was being weird or did she just see it for herself? Either way I can see why it may have annoyed you, but things like this shouldn't stress you. We all make mistakes and we all open our mouth when we should. Talk to the co-worker who said this to him privately but sadly in the work place people do love to get involved in other peoples lives.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYes, I did misunderstand your post -it wasn't very clean (at least to me) So sorry for that.

Then the friend who "spoke up for you" needs to be the one "chastised" here and YOU can do that. You can do it in a polite non-drama way - as in taking her aside and TELL her to NOT put you in any of these kinds of situations again.

Which should also make it SIMPLE for you to talk to the coworker (one on one) and explain what REALLY went down.

Mostly though, I say avoid drama at work but don't let people walk all over you. They are not mutually exclusive.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2017):

Look OP we are living in a hectic world and everyone of us is wrestling with his or her everyday problems so I would say hardly anyone has the time or the space to worry what x said and how y reacted. If you think you came over a bit belligerent in your reaction and afterall your friend was only being loyal and defending you then apologise to her and let it to rest.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2017):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hi thanks for replying

Think you've misundestood what I said

I didn't say a word

It was my friend who took it upon herself to confront him

So obviously I was angry and asked her why she did that

To which then the other colleague decided to get involved and said I was being nasty to my friend who

Confronted him

I thought it was reasonable to be upset considering I

Didn't ask her to say anything

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 November 2017):

Honeypie agony auntSo what you are saying is, YOU are allowed to have an opinion but this other coworker is not?

You don't HAVE to agree with or accept her criticism but you might want to listen to it. Because THAT is how this coworker saw your actions. Now you can either DEFEND your stance (which is OK too!), agree with her, or agree to disagree with her.

It's never fun being called out for how we behave. But if you felt it was YOUR right to call the guy out, it is also HER right to call YOU out.

I don't think it was an appropriate time at a SOCIAL gathering for you to get a coworker to gang up on a guy who YOU claim is being "weird" around you. He can BE however he LIKES around his coworkers as long as he is also respectful and professional. He doesn't HAVE to give two flying farts about you. You aren't OWED special treatment. Maybe he just doesn't like you. IT happens. So what?

Now if he was inappropriate, rude, threatening or disrupting in the daily work hours then you go to your supervisor and/or boss and then if need be to HR. Or you ask the fella to give you a few minutes at work and in private to try and sort it out.... You don't John Wayne it and confront people on a SOCIAL night out. After a few drink.

So in short, is the reason you are upset because she hit quite a few SORE spots? That there was actually some truth in what she was saying? If so, TAKE from what she said and learn from it. And consider having a GROWN UP conversation with the guy who is "weird" around you and find a better way to sort things out.

If you don't think she said anything true and that she was just starting drama, well again, take it to heart and accept that OTHER people will sometimes see things differently. Agree to disagree.

Sort this out. Don't let it fester. YOU are creating a hostile work environment for others. And so is she. QUIT the drama. Act like adults.

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