A
male
age
30-35,
*oSeF1
writes:Hello I'm new here just looking for help, I have a constant cling onto hope, as long as im alive..Anyways, my hometown is in oregon US. and i had a first love here and that didnt work out, it caused me to start having panic attacks and anxiety, im over that now. but 2 and a half years ago i wasnt thats why i moved to arkansas, stayed there for 2 years, within those 2 years, i met a new person who seemingly cured me of my deppression and sadness, we were together for a year and a month. we had a bumpy relationship cuz well were young i understand that. but towards the end a few weeks ago, she said she's fallen out of love with me, so i up and said "fine, im going home" after 2 years, when she realized i was being honest, got my nonrefundable plane ticket, she was at my feet with apology and wanted me back and we worked out that she will follow my footsteps. I moved back home, happy to see my family again, but thats when i heard rumors that she was getting drunk and making out with a dude and being considered a whore in the work place, i panicked and broke it off for like a day, she proved to me that it was wrong and told me she was being forced a bj that she was able to fend off, now her mind has changed tho, she moved back in with her dad and decided not to join me in my homestate, she started making new friends and told me that shes moving on, but still tells me that she loves me and misses me, but last time i talked to her, she was texting a dude, told me it was none of my business.. i honestly cant stand the distancing shes doing from me, and i keep beating myself up driving my family nuts with my depression and anxiety that has returned...the question is.. how can i cope with this? and what do you think is up with her? its hard to figure out for me.. please help
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female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (2 June 2010):
Right on! you took the first step in the right direction, all though the healing process plays a big roll in order to get past it you need to deal w/ it so watch for red flags in you're next relationship! i think the trick in having a good one is being friends most of all! not thinking because we have been together for a year or 2 makes it a secure one! communication, trust & respect is the ticket. and if it aint there well hopefully you will know what to do?
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Good, good.. break ups are hard.. you come back here anytime you feel sad and need advice on how to move on and get happy again... Blessings
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A
male
reader, JoSeF1 +, writes (1 June 2010):
JoSeF1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank u guys, u all are 2 kind, her and i just got off the phone and said our official goodbyes, and that honestly is something i needed the most, just official god honest closure, i told her how i felt, she told me how i felt, and we parted ways. i feel a lot better cuz i cant let go of something until im able to officially close it with that person and accept things with that person
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
Happy Birthday, may your life be exciting, healthy, happy and long.. :)
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A
male
reader, JoSeF1 +, writes (1 June 2010):
JoSeF1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe used to be committed, she wanted to get married and have kids, when her and i were getting in touch with nature unprotected, she told me to climax inside of her i was weirded and but did NOT do it, she got mad about it
and update as of the last 10 minutes now, ive erased her from my life now. its done, time to move forward
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
Sorry babes, my words are harsh... you are young,you will heal and grow strong.. This girl is not the right woman for you... it will take time, but the right woman will come. You heal your heart, get strong, and before you know it, you'll be in love with someone who is more wonderfull than this one is..
You got to kiss many "frogs" sometimes, to find the princess.. :)
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 June 2010):
 Hi Josef, I just noticed you are 21. Psychologists say we go through changes, hurdles every 7 years. It's like we get a new body, new mind. You can pull through this. Next year you may be a different person and would be more careful in choosing mates. Romance is only a small part of your life. Strengthen your identity with setting goals and be more ambitious in life.
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A
female
reader, Oregongrl1 +, writes (1 June 2010):
First and mostly she needs to grow up like you said you both are young! she sounds in your face with it what is she proud of the way she treats you? give your'self some time you're attacks will go away! do some deep breathing exercises and change you're love life!! enjoy you're life have fun! hang out w/ friends good friends! and you will notice a difference promise you.
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A
male
reader, JoSeF1 +, writes (1 June 2010):
JoSeF1 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you, ur advice is helping me, i did try calling her before i read ur answer, and a guy answered it and told me (with respect) to leave her alone and to move on. so i guess just turning 21 (my bday today) is a dawn of a new age, a new life, what im going to do is erase her from all my contacts with her, and try to delude the thought into my head that she doesnt exist, i'll learn from this, you are write about love disrupting my well being, and i thank you, its time for me to heal. thank you
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
oh and the girl.. she's told you "she's moving on"... she may love you, but that dosen't stop her loving and dating someone else and making plans for a future without you.. I suggest you forget about her because as far as she is concerned, your relationship is finished.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (1 June 2010):
You are not mature enough to handle the rejections, misunderstandings and difficulties that occur with romance and love. If you get depression and anxiety when your relationships break down, it becomes very dangerous for you to fall in love or a woman to leave you.
I suggest you forget about love and romance. You need to find new hobbies, or maybe sports. You need to build up your self confidence, learn to be happy even when your alone. At the moment all you live for is to be in love. Well love hurts, and if you don't learn this lesson you will always be suffering from mental issues. Learn to build a strong world that is not based on love for another person. Go join the church, start doing good works. You need something else in your life that is important and can keep you sane and happy when your love life become dark and ugly. Everyone has suffered pain through love, everyone has suffered rejection, but not everyone finds it so damaging to their mental state.
Start writing or painting, express your pain and your passion through words. You need more than love to survive, you need other things for when love lets you down.
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A
female
reader, heaven= +, writes (1 June 2010):
ithink you should try to move on..
you should find some friends some family even
and find or go somewhere and have a good time..try to forget about her even if its hard the best thing here would be proapbly to move on and find someone or somthing new to mess around with..well anyways.
GOODLUCK 8)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2010): I say move on..it stinks and it hurts but she doesnt sound very committed to you and it sounds like thats what you want
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