A
female
age
41-50,
*3 Angel
writes:This guy and I have been chatting via facebook and e-mail for over three months now. We met twice in person and he's friends with my best friend - they work for the same company and spent three months away from home on course together.For the past month or so things have been going great - we flirt, joke and sometimes get seriously suggestive, to the point where the other night he asked me if we were flirting or having cybersex - we said some pretty hectic stuff to each other! I am getting emotionally involved and he knows this, however the distance thing (he lives 1000's of miles away) is preventing us from getting closer.He knew from the beginning of us chatting, that my best friend and I don't keep secrets from each other and I have obviously told her about what the guy and I chat about, but not of course EVERYTHING we talk about!The other night I was upset with my best friend and he asked me what was the matter. I told him I get the impression she gets irritated when him and I talk and I don't understand what that was all about. He got upset as he asked why I still tell her him and I chat, because that is what is upsetting me more - that she keeps on saying negative things about the guy to me and influenses me. I told the guy I would stop telling her, however it would be kind of betraying her trust.It has been five days since the guy and I spoke. It feels like he is avoiding contact with me - I've sent him some joke e-mails which he has opened however he doesn't go into facebook or reply to my mails. Is the peeved off at me? Have I betrayed his trust by talking to my best friend about him?How do I communicate to him that I don't want to loose his friendship and that I miss him. And most importantly, that I won't discuss our conversations with my best friend anymore? How do I get him to trust me again?!What also is weird is that it seems that he is happy with the suggestive talk and flirting when he feels turned on. Don't get me wrong I enjoy it too, but how can he keep on saying hectic things to me and not feel some kind of connection? It feels like he only does this when he's feeling horney, but when I want to get all suggestive, he's a bit "cold"...what's up with that???Please help!!!
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female
reader, A3 Angel +, writes (16 June 2009):
A3 Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there, thanks for the replies. I hear what you're saying and I do not want my best friend and I to fight over this guy or put pressure on our friendship either.
She was the one who wanted us to hook up from the beginning and tells me now I should try keep contact with him, but he's the one who doesn't want me to tell her we speak, this is what is strange.
They work for the same company but in different towns, so they don't see each other or speak very often either.
I sent him a message tonight but have not had any reply. I am trying to get him out of my mind but it is sooo difficult, especially after all the things we have shared.
I will try take it one day at a time and see if and when he replies...
Thanks again for the feedback.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): yep, maybe he is nowself conscious after all he and your best friend know each other. makes it harder that they work together too.
however if you delibebrately avoid talking about him to the bf, would this not put a strain on your friendship. does she know what he is truly like and that after all he is not such a good guy. maybe you also need to listen to her words of wisdom? or maybe not.......you indicate that you are interested in him, so no matter what anyone says, you still want contact with him.just becareful you do not bump your head along the way.
good luck
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