A
female
age
36-40,
*ummer86
writes:I had been going out with my boyfriend for over two years (he is 27 and I am 22). He is the love of my life. We had our ups and downs through the years, but were always there for each other. We started talking about the future gradually and he said I was the one for him. Then in about Feb. of 2009 he told me that he was planning to propose to me! This got me very excited and I started talking about being married a lot because I thought that is what he was ready for and I was excited!Everything was going so well for us the last couple of months and then out of the blue to receive an email that he is breaking up with me! I didn't see this coming.On May 26, 09 he sent me this e-mail: I am trying my best to juggle everything and I am glad you understand. You are the best part of my life and so therefore always have time for you. Thanks for understanding and I love you beautiful!And on June 10, 09: I received this email: I have spent several weeks and many sleepless nights (weeping) trying to figure out how to type this. I have reflected on the past two wonderful years. You have been nothing but perfection in our relationship. You have always been there, very supportive, and fun to be with. I feel that I have not recipricated this. I feel that I will never be able to recipricate the love and support you have shown me. I strongly feel that you deserve somebody better then me and can appreciate you more then I have. I simply don't deserve you. With everything in my life, I am unable to give you a 100% in our relationship. I do know that I will not be proposing within a year or even two. Mostly likely three. As far as marriage goes, I am not looking for marriage for at least 5 years. I know that I have said different in the past, but after taking lots of time to think about everything, this is what is best for me. As far as children go, I would only adopt. The chances of our child having some anxiety disorder, how ever small that percentage, I would not be able to live with myself. The guilt would never leave. I am sorry about the past two weeks and not discussing anything with you. I just wanted some time to think about everything and decide on the future. I will always love you as a friend. You are an amazing gift from God!------------------------------------------------------Back ground info:- I'm his longest relationship and the prettiest girl by far he has ever dated.- He has sexual performance anxiety and thought he wasn't as attractive as me, which was stupid.- He is currently working 2, 60/hr weeks a moth- He is in the process of buying his first house- He wants to spend more time with the guys, which he hasn't done much of in 2 years- He is very close to his parents- Won't have biological children because he is afraid of passing on OCD- His friends said he was lucky to have me because most girls wouldn't put up with him- He said he wasn't sure if he loved me anymore***He said that maybe in October we could start things over again slowly***------------------------------------------------------Do I have a chance of him coming back to me? Does he just have too much on his plate? How do I give him the space he needs?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2009): First of all, marriage is not something to be taken lightly, it is a HUGE step, and he is probably doing you a big favor with his "re-evaluation" of the relationship. Would you prefer getting married, fighting all the time, and ending up hating eachother in the end? Everyone is different, but I think he is seriously doubting things. At some level, you probably are too.I understand it must hurt, but at the same time, you need to take this time to really think if this would be the right step for you? Stop focusing on him/marriage so much and start broadening your horizons. You're only 22, so go out, have fun and don't be fixated so much on the act of marriage. I am 30, still single, have been engaged, and developed "cold feet" and gave the ring back. I don't regret a minute of it because I know it was the best thing for me and my ex-fiancee. I'd rather be alone than be in a bad marriage, and unhappy. For some reason young women, women, have a fear of being alone, and I think it's silly. Live life, have fun, enjoy meeting people and trust me, you will be much, much happier. I think you are afraid of losing him, and you want that commitment from him, but dwelling on it won't change things. It's his choice what he does, and he has to decide what's best for him. I know many unhappy married couples, have stayed together for years, are not happy, but they stay together for the sake of staying together. I even know many that don't even love each other anymore. It's quite sad. So at 22, bide your time okay? Be a kid (and you ARE a kid) and get to know yourself better!
A
female
reader, summer86 +, writes (16 June 2009):
summer86 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is he was so sure of everything a week ago, down to when we would get our second house, have kids, etc. Could he be getting cold feet or could he be over-whelmed by everything on his plate? I still don't understand how you can be the love of someone's life for two years and in a week change your mind. I was also thinking maybe he wants to be with other woman sexually, since I was the only one he was with or maybe he really needs guy time for awhile? He did go 2 years spending every weekend with me and only had real guy time four times over a 2 year period. I'm just trying to hold on hope, but I am going to move forward and date others if I meet someone.
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A
female
reader, broken1234  +, writes (16 June 2009):
Read the book or watch the movie "He's just not that into you".. I hate to say it sweetie but this guy is just dragging you through the mud. I am in a similar situation but I would be him in that case... Hes trying to let you down easy by telling you what you want to hear so it seems, or what he thinks you would like to hear anyway. He seems to be giving you alot of reasons to run or not want him back such as saying "Marriage in 5 years" and "Only adopt"... if he knows these are things you want hes trying to push you away by no longer offering them. He doesnt sound very soild or stable. I am the same age as you and just called off my wedding which is in 3 months.. Were young and deserve to live! Go out and enjoy yourself! When the right guy comes along he wont string you along like this.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (16 June 2009):
 First off I just have to say that OCD is NOT genetic, in fact some studies have indicated that there is a link to the contraction of strep throat at a young age especially in males. He needs to do more research. As far as space goes, sounds like he truly needs it at the moment. At your young age I don't know whether I would just sit around and wait for him to get it together. Go out with friends, date even. You can remain in contact with him and let him know you value his friendship. Just don't put your life on hold. Who knows what the future will bring, maybe you will end up together but maybe not.
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