A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am in need of some desperate advice. Recently my girlfriend and I broke up. We have been together roughly a year. The break up occurred due to a 4 day full blown argument. The argument started for the following subjects; abstinence, friends, and ultimately insecurities. In the beginning of the argument, the subject about abstinence was touched upon. It was 4 months since we have not had any sex and various reasons would be given each time the subject was touched within these specific 4 months. When the argument occurred she finally spoke truth and was honest about her pursing abstinence due to moral value and a specific religion. During the beginning of our relationship the intimacy and passion was great. She stated she did not know how to tell me and that is why she would lie about it. Nevertheless although it was a lot to take in I could care less about sex as I genuinely loved this girl. The next proceeding day she approached me and wanted to hang out more with her friends and have that time with them. I never rejected her request as a partner as some alone time outside of the relationship was always good. She felt I was saying one thing but really felt I was discouraged about it. As the second day concluded we were great as can be despite the recent spikes in arguments. On the third and fourth day I began to see her utilize a social network program reaching out to all of her friends that she had lost contact since middle school. There was an abundance amount of texting going on while we would be together doing simplistic things. I felt this activity was suspicious as she mostly has a lot of guy friends. There was one specific incident where I caught her attempting to text while showering and ultimately I followed my emotions and accused her of cheating. On a side note, prior to this entire incident she has also had trust issues with some of my female friends as well. Previous to this relationship I was in a 5 year relationship that ended because that individual cheated on me.Shortly after she broke up with me and asked for space. During the attempt of space I failed to follow that specific guideline as I am genuinely in love with this person and gave her an apology card, flowers, letters, etc... Space was a crucial vocabulary in my book as I was scared in losing her. This person and I have been living together for 60% of the relationship and we recently got an apartment together. She would always talk about marriage and kids to everyone about us as a couple. Because of my false accusations she states she has developed insecurities and does not want to be in no relationship with anyone. That ultimately I can find someone better. Our anniversary is approaching in a couple days and I decided to leave her the promise ring I purchased three months in advance with an anniversary card. I have moved my belongings from the apartment and now residing with my parents for the time being. This is a girl I have given my everything to. I built her a foundation by giving a roof over head, brand new furniture, etc.. When I moved my belongings I decided to leave her the furniture.I am so heart broken because although we messed up 50/50 I know in my heart i will not get another chance to prove to this person I can change. Will I ever get that second chance? How can I get her back? Time? I am going through alot of emotions and dark depression as I ultimately miss her. Everything I see reminds me of her. Since the time I have moved my belongings I have not kept in contact with her. In her social network she classified herself as single. What can I do?Sorry for the long message.
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 I say keep being her friend, be the best dam friend she's got and she will come around.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso I did not move forward with the marriage subject. As the night was progressing that kept fading.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell a couple days ago I took her out to eat in hopes of seeing where her mind was. Unfortunately she kept stating she doesnt want to be in a relationship. I had a beautiful night planned and tried to rekindle what needed to be rekindled. She ultimately kept asking if I will be there as a friend. Throughout my life I have never believed in that except this specific relationship. I care about her greatly. At the end of the night I spent time with her in our ex apartment. I asked for a kiss as we entered our official anniversary date. She stated as long as it didnt mean anything she proceeded to grant me my wish. In my heart no woman especially how she carries herself would move forward with making that effort if she ultimately didnt care or wanted it. All of our pictures, promise ring, and stuff that I have given her are still kept intact and not written off. She told me she wanted me as her friend and I feel I am torn. I feel I have lost her despite what a lot of people will tell me in terms of giving it time. I feel lost in this world and I just keep spiraling. She really does not want a relationship with anyone. All she has been doing is going out and hanging out with her guy and female friends. I have been doing it too but looks can be deceiving as I am deeply hurting inside. I feel like I am dead inside. To hear those words in terms of being friends hurts me. I have lost her and I will never forgive myself. I gave her flowers that night as well just because I care. She thought the night was about being friends when really my intentions were to talk to her and see where her head is at. Day by day I have my ups and downs. I try to keep my mind distracted but that doesnt help when all I wish is for time to reverse itself to the day we were at a median before I pushed the issue over the hill. I guess this is the end. I feel in my heart I will never get her back.
Please keep the advice coming as I ultimately need it in this tough time.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (25 May 2010):
 Your chances of reconciliation is very bright. You only need to make her your priority and everything will go smoothly in your relationship.
Keep up the hard work and never criticize or complain about her but instead offer her genuine praises whenever possible.
Time is a great healer .
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (24 May 2010):
We've all been hurt by love before but I tend to think she will come round again after she's been by herself for a while. If you keep being there and proving that she can trust you again I think it will all turn around. Just keep being the best guy you can be and eventually she will realise that she's missing out. I'm married and I often have thoughts that I wish I'd never gotten married and that being single would be easier but it's usually just a passing thought cause then I realise all the things my hubby does for me and the love comes back again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have asked if we could work things out and she would state she forgives me but cant forget. She will expect in her mind for me to fail and go back to my original ways. My plan initially is to make her come out to dinner with me tomorrow on our would be anniversary. Have fun and see if I can do what I did the same day a year previous and ask her to be my girlfriend again. We are in the works of getting my name off the apartment by substituting a family relative as I was the primary.
I have gone above and beyond and tried everything to get her back and she keeps saying she doesnt want to get hurt and rather not be in a relationship because love sucks.
Its very tough to grasp but I like the comforting feedback. Please keep it coming as I am ultimately lost with out her in my life. She even stated we could be friends. She also stated she is in love with me, loves me and is always missing me.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (24 May 2010):
Now is not the time to talk about marriage but about repairing your broken down communication lines.You need to keep them open if you want any chances of getting her back.
She may want to extract your pound of flesh and blood for that mistake you made. You will need to keep knocking on her door till she opens it for you.
You need to let her know that you only love her and nobody else.You need to strongly show your love for her not only by words but also in deeds. It is all about her and not materialistic things from you .
Don't emphasize on those things because she may feel that you are trying to bribe her to be with you. Women have this kind of perceptions.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI agree with the both of you. After the break up I have proceeded with the following: flowers, apology letters, cards,e-cards, and ultimately gave her a promise ring and an anniversary card ahead of schedule in efforts to show I am willing to change my flaws and make this work. She mentioned in this specific time period she was significantly happy throughout the entire tenure of the relationship up until the major argument.
I am stuck at a cross road... Tomorrow will be our anniversary. It was the day that I had asked her to be my girlfriend. I have not been able to uplift myself from this dark depression for one reason. I want to ask her hand in marriage. I know what I want to say and ultimately want to propose because she completes. This is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. She always talked about it and always shared interested up until the argument. During the argument phase she has made comments such as I dont want to be with no one, I dont know what I want because now I have insecurities, I will be successful but die alone, etc...
In my head I think proposing will grant me my answer on whether she was ever serious of what she always discussed prior to the major argument and ultimately how we felt. This is a big step for me as mentioned before. I have given this girl my life. I built her a foundation by getting her own place, materialistic value in terms of furniture, love, passion, and intimacy.
What are your thoughts?
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A
female
reader, Laura1318 +, writes (24 May 2010):
There are two methods you can use. The first method is to call her out and you discuss those issues until you will reach a consensus.
If this method does not work, you will have to cut her off completely and do not show your sadness but to enjoy your new found freedom to the fullest.
Do not look at her social network site or you will not return to your normal state.
If you are meant to be together, nothing will separate you . If you love her, let her go.If she comes back, then she is yours.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 May 2010): Going through the same thing except he broke up with me.I know what you're going through he was my soulmate.I'm giving him space but ultimately i doubt it will work.I hought he loved me and we coudl work through it somehow but all I can say is good luck.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (24 May 2010):
You know the power of sorry often works wonders. You could try asking her to come out with you because you want to appologise and beg her forgiveness. If she doesn't agree I think the only thing you can do is tell her how sorry you are and that you love her so much you overreacted and that you don't want to lose her and will not act like such an idiot again. I'm sorry for you I know how it feels to lose someone you love. I hope everything works out for you!
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