A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello everyone,My b/f and I have been together a little over three years, and we are both in our mid to late twenties. Everything generally goes well except he is sometimes very immature. I am usually very tolerant of his immature humor, and sometimes join in myself. However, the thing that bugs me is the way that he acts around his friends when I am not there. Now, don't get me wrong I generally like his friends very much. But, when I am not around, I feel like they all act like they are 21 not 26, 27, and 28. For instance, this weekend he was supposed to go away for work. Naturally, he brought one of his guy friends with him and they spent the entirety of the evenings drinking and partying like they were back in college. My b/f is usually pretty tame, or so I hope, with being around other girls, but some of his friends are single and enjoy talking to random people and going to strip joints. The same sort of thing happens when people come around to visit, and I am not there. The thing I guess I have to say for him is he always tells me what goes on, even if it is outrageous. So, I guess that he is not doing anything untrustworthy. But, still it has a tendency to irk me and make me uncomfortable.Am I just a stick in the mud? Or, is this something that should be considered a major problem, and if so, what should I do about it? Any advice would be helpful. Thank you.
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 February 2012):
 The strip joints are something you'll have to work out between the two of you. If it bothers you enough, you can ask him not to go, but remember that it's his right to decide what he does - all you can do is decide whether or not it's a dealbreaker for you.
As for the rest of it, I think you're overreacting. He knows what he enjoys, and does it without letting it interfere with the rest of his life. "Immature" should not refer to the type of (legal) fun one has. If he liked fingerpainting and watching cartoons, more power to him. Maturity is when you don't let your fun interfere with your obligations, like work and your relationships. That goes both ways - meaning it's as much about not letting his partying wreck your relationship as it is about you not ending his fun for no good reason (that would be just as spiteful and immature as if he told you to stop having girls nights out, or sewing circles, or anything in between).
Did his weekend partying interfere with his work-related stuff? If so, you might have a point. If not, he's being a self-aware, happy and fulfilled adult.
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (6 February 2012):
 Well, I'd say that he has every right to act like a frat boy, and I'd even encourage it, as life's a hard grind out there!
However, strip clubs? It's one thing to act like a frat boy. It's quite another to act like a SINGLE frat boy. You have the right to have a say on whether or not he goes to strip bars.
But, if he's not going there, then I'd say to let him be as immature as he wants when he's out with the boys, provided that his actions reflect loyalty to you as well (i.e. not making out or asking for phone numbers).
You can't and shouldn't change him. If this is his outlet, and you're saying that he's loyal, then let him! He'll be a happier boyfriend when he's with you.
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