A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Do you think it is wrong to fall in love with your cousin's EX husband?We have been friends since him and my cousin got married 6 years ago, and they've been divorced for 4 years. They have a 6 year old son together, who my cousin hasn't seen/had custody of for 5 years.I'm just confused on how others would look at the situation.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2014): I'm no authority but I'm in a relationship with my ex-wifes brother's Ex-wife. It caused quite a stir, but who are they to judge?We are happy in our new relationship. Our kids are older, they accepted it and why should we care what anyone thinks, we are no longer related to a family of abusive liars, control freaks and cheaters. You shouldn't worry about it. While they love to gossip about us, I just think they were angry because we found something really good out of the bad from our rotten liar spouses, a family of cheaters who are now the real losers.
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (22 March 2014):
 So you would be allowed to see her child but she wouldn't?...
and would she know about this?
It just seems a little complicated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2014): "They have a 6 year old son together, who my cousin hasn't seen/had custody of for 5 years."Not knowing the circumstances of why your cousin is a complete stranger to her own child, I must raise the possibility that some mutual relatives might suspect that you were trying to get close to her ex in order to take your cousin's place in the child's life, and they would resent you for it. And not knowing the circumstances of why your cousin is a complete stranger to her own child, I could understand completely any feelings of resentment they might develop.If the child's mother has been out of the picture for as long as he can remember, then he has a tough enough life as it is. If there is even the slightest possibility that your becoming involved with his father would start a tug-of-war between you and your cousin's mutual relatives, then for the sake of an innocent child don't do anything that would only cause him any more unnecessary misery and anguish; he's already experienced enough in his short life.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2014): If you're not close cousins, and they've been divorced for four years; they've been separated long enough. You won't know about feelings about it; until you appear together as a couple.
There will be a few judgmental family members who will be openly critical. That is to be expected. The question is, how thick is your skin? It could be pretty volatile if she suspects you've always had eyes for her husband. If she has any reason not to like you, you're playing with fire.
In my own experience, people I've known hit a few snags. It stirred up resentment and bad-feelings. It might have been too close for comfort to some family members. You can't completely rule out how other people feel about it. You still want to socialize within your family. You still want to celebrate holidays, birthdays, and attend parties with your kin.
You could say it's none of their business; but who wants to feel alienated? Not receive invitations, or feel left out.
People aren't sure whether to extend invitations to include both you and your cousin; fearing a nasty scene.
I'm cautious, perhaps because the cases I've witnessed were too close-knit as families. Situations will vary.
Unforeseen family crisis do arise that family has to come together. That's when emotions are high; and sh*t hits the fan. All the buried feelings, pent-up hostility, and family-skeletons come out of the closet. You had better have a rock-solid relationship to withstand that.
I have to warn you. There might be rumors and talk. Those I know weren't always invited to family celebrations as a couple; or felt very awkward attending funerals or weddings together.
They had to deal with the disapproving stares of older members of the family; who are usually old-school in their thinking. The family hierarchy will verbalize their opinions; and use their age as their right to do so.
One couple I know, is a an ex-wife; and her ex-husband's half-brother. The other, is a male-cousin of a good friend, and the ex-wife of another first-cousin. Similar to your situation. Needless to say, in both cases they all live in different states from their families and exes.
Families differ. Divorces create so much animosity between couples; the rift between them often ripples throughout the family-unit. The least little thing can stir up feuds, and force people to take sides. You may find yourself on the defensive a lot. People love placing blame and pointing fingers.
If you can deal with the down-side of it all, who can stop you?
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A
female
reader, like I see it +, writes (22 March 2014):
 It's not "wrong" if all parties involved are single, but it does have the potential to cause quite a bit of drama, depending on how close-knit your family is and the respective maturity levels of everyone involved.
If she has moved on and is clearly over him (best case scenario), probably not a big deal.
If your close family (parents, siblings if you have any) doesn't keep in regular/frequent contact with the extended family, probably not that big a deal either, because even if she gets bitter she won't be able to drive a wedge between you and the people to whom you're close.
If, however, she's bitter about how the custody battle ended and/or still wants him back, tread *very* carefully. No rational family member is likely to blame you for the breakup of your cousin's marriage, given that the split happened four years prior, but the relatives close to your cousin may think you're not being respectful of her feelings and judge you or distance themselves from you for it.
Does your cousin's ex know of, and share in, your feelings? If so, he'd be a great person to talk this over with, as he's also likely to have a pretty solid reading of the different personalities involved and how they might take the news. Especially his ex.
Good luck and best wishes with whatever you decide.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2014): WRONG. wrong wrong wrong.
Don't do it.
Think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed.
There are millions of men in the US. Why in the world would you pick your cousin's EX-HUSBAND????
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