A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend just told me that he and some of his guy friends were talking to other girls about sex. In this talk, there was a girl that he used to like, and he told me that she was a virgin. I don't know if I needed to know that, but I'm worried that maybe my boyfriend still likes this girl. Out of all the friends that was talking about sex, he only told me what this girl said, so I'm worried that this may be the beginning of his crushing on her again...Should I be worried? Just the fact that he's talking to other girls about his sex life makes me nervous...
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male
reader, CMMP +, writes (4 April 2013):
Nobody here can tell you if you should be worried. It could have been a perfectly innocent conversation, it also could have been a little flirtatious.
Has your boyfriend given you any reason to not trust him? Because you're treating him as if he has. If he hasn't I'd drop it except to tell him that you think it's inappropriate for him to be having sexual conversations with other women (if you do think that).
My guess is that if he really had bad intentions or feels that he crossed the line he would have avoided talking about her altogether. He may have some attraction towards her, but that shouldn't be a big deal unless you're insecure.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): I think your instinct is right. I mean this is not to say that he does still like her enough that he will act on it. But it does show a complete disregard for your feelings. It was very tactless of him. And it does also show that his interest was definitely piqued when it came to talking about HER sex life, in particular. I've been in your position before and it's one of those things where the information is enough to raise a red flag and make you suspicious, and rightfully so, but still not enough to start accusing. Here's what I think you should do. Do not let it slide. If you do it’s just going to stew in your head and he’s never going to know how you feel and possibly do it again. Communication is key. Politely and sternly, let him know you thought it was inappropriate for him to be having that conversation to begin with out of respect for you. Let him know that you noticed he seemed particularly interested in his past crushes sexual history and that made you feel uncomfortable for the mere fact that she is someone you know he "used" to like, in addition to the fact that you are his girlfriend and he shouldn’t be inquiring about other girls that way. Then politely ask him if he likes her. And if there is something you should be worried about. If he hugs you and apologizes and understands your point and reassures you he loves you and it won't happen again, then you are all good. He probably just made an immature mistake. You know how guys are, out with their buddies, probably egging him on. If he apologizes, reassures you, then I would forgive him and put it behind you. But if he gets defensive, minimizes your concern, acts like he doesn't understand why you’re bothered, tries to justify his behavior, then that would raise TWO flags and I would put your guard up right away. If he acts this way, give him space to let him think about what he did. Meanwhile get beautiful and go out with your friends and have fun and ignore him. If he loves you he'll come crawling back with his tail between his legs, begging for an apology. And he will think twice before he ever does that to you again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2013): I'm not surprised you feel uneasy about this. Guys do talk about sex a lot but i certainly wouldnt feel comfortable with my bf talking about sex with other women,let alone someone he'd said he had a crush on. I'd maybe try giving him a dose of his own medicine see if it would upset him the other way round. It doesn't have to be anything real just make something up an see how uncomfortable he feels - maybe then he'll get it.
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