A
male
age
18-21,
CdnGuy
writes:I seem to be stuck in "friend zone" with all of the girls I know. Most of the girls I've gotten to know in the last few months, though not all, I met through us being initially interested in one another, and then, after a few weeks things dry up, we stay friends but I find myself totally locked out romance wise. I'm seventeen and am in the last two months of my highschool days and am starting to try and hold onto a seat on the "university will be better" band wagon. Could there be something about me girls realize after awhile doesn't make for boyfriend material? How do I get out of the friend zone? AHH!! :-P Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Well, flirting doesn't have to be "blatant" like making an obvious move. Ideally, it should be very subtle. Don't overkill, like compliment while touching them. Tell them they look great but maintain distance with your body language. Don't touch them at all at first, gradually work up to that slowly. I get the feeling you aren't building much anticipation with these women. You never want to play games but you probably are being either a little too chummy or comfortable around them, like a friend. You should always be respectful but maintain some distance like you are selective about who you get to know and it's not "that easy" to get to know you. Your time should be important too and that means if you agree to go for coffee with someone, you don't have the "availability" to hang out all day, unless planned otherwise. Start out just getting to know them slowly, a couple of hours here and there, and be open and honest with them but don't tell them everything about you. This will let them know that the time you spend with them is deliberate instead of "well, I can just hang out all day with anyone, not much else going on..." This is something they can do with their girlfriends or platonic guy friends. Those "unplatonic" feelings thrive on anticipation of what is going to come next and not being too predictable or being overexposed. The phone shouldn't be the main means of communicating, use this only to make plans (ahead of time), and most of getting to know them should be face to face. Don't always be available last minute either, but always be on time when you plan something. This will help take you out of "friend zone".
A
male
reader, Danielepew  + ♥, writes (29 April 2008):
 The Sister knows what she is talking about. It's actually quite noticeable that these words of wisdom come from a woman; they know this better than us.
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A
male
reader, CdnGuy +, writes (29 April 2008):
CdnGuy is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the insight, I can see what you mean about closeness building too quickly (though I would hardly say I call or text them everyday). You're right in that I tend to feel eager for interaction, but I'm not exactly sure if I show it enough for it to be an issue. Of course, it's always much easier to analyze from the outside looking in, so you're probably a lot closer to the mark than I want to give you credit for, as a purely selfish and stubborn reaction on my part haha :p I do flirt now and again I suppose, but I'm always afraid of coming of as a creep if it's out of nowhere you know?
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (29 April 2008):
I think you may be overfeeding your platonic friendships. This happens when you are always their shoulder to cry on about other guys (exes), you have no mystery, you are eager for interaction, build closeness too fast (comes off needy), and are always available to them (like texting or calling daily). Think slow and steady and don't act like one of their girlfriends. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, Nikkii Babyee  +, writes (29 April 2008):
 hmm fink u just have a case of bein too nice ov a guy lol! sometimes girls can see guys as being really attractive an they see things at first that they really like about a guy but then when they start getting to know them the guy sometimes trys to be something theyre not! ok a girl likes a guy who cares for them but they also like lil bad boy streaks and 1s that flirt and keep them keen! try maybe taking a different approach to how u get to know them and dont come across too keen at the start and defo do not change because u think u have too because u could be changing the thing they like most :)
xo*
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