A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hello. I've found myself in a muddle with a guy and would like some advice. I've known him for eight months, and in that time I've seen him on and off for three times, each time ending with a fight because he 'wasn't sure what he wanted'. We started seeing each other for three months a couple of times a week, he'd just go out of a long term relationship. I started getting really unhappy because I was confused where things were going. He said to me that he really likes me, but just wants to see what happens. He's done things like get upset when he found out I was hanging around other guys (who are plantonic male friends). It got to the point where i got really angry and personal, and upset and irrational several times. And he stated to me that 'he wants me to be the person he met, he can't be with me at the moment'. Well now a month after I decided to stop things, he'd like to catch up for dinner. I'm very confused. Should I just catch up and do purely 'friends' things and see what happens. Or do you think we will go down the same path, and I'll become a 'friends with benefits' again. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2010): Yes haha it's all very confusing. Safe to say i'm happy jsut being friends, no sex or anything and see what happens. We weren't ever really 'friends with benefits' just seeing each other and then things never eventuated. I got really up and down and unpredictable because I was unhappy with not knowing what was happening, and also he's got a history of cheating and a child with his ex so hmmmmmm haha. I wish I could meet someone else and be swept off my feet, but I'm living in a small town atm, it's hard :-(
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 Never met anybody who ever got the upgrade from her FWB condition. If you want more than FWB status, - all the wining and dining will be just a waste of time.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (1 October 2010):
If you're looking for anything more than FWB, or just a casual boyfriend, this is the guy. If you're looking for more, this is not the guy. He sounds way to insecure, jealous and needy, and I fear you may be the rebound girl.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (1 October 2010):
 That depends on what you want. Do you want to be friends with benefits? If not, I suggest you avoid sex completely until you're both sure of what you want out of this. I think you should go to dinner with him and see what happens.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): Eeek :(
It almost feels like he would just try to drag you down the 'friends with benefits' road again...
I whole heartedly believe that there are good guys out there, but of course us women are more likely to run into a lot of bad ones first.
This guy just seems like he is taking you along for a ride. Especially when you said he contacted you after he got out of a long term relationship.
I was with a guy a few years back that would chase me down just to let me down again and again. He would really make me believe that he was going to change and be more serious with me but then he would start acting like a total ass again. He just kept leading me around. He would get jealous of my guy friends as well, but it was okay when he had this girl hanging all over him making suggestive comments to him as well. After putting up with that for a couple years I finally told him i wanted out for good. I didnt talk to him for a year and got back in contact with him recently. He is still the same arrogant guy i left, but we are keeping things friendly. Its been sort of nice, but i dont talk to him for very long, just quick hello's and how are you doing's.
I now make it a point to just cut people out of my life that cause me nothing but stress! Life is too short to keep people that drag you down, in it.
There are PLENTY of GOOD guys out there! If you are willing to put up with such crap, then you deserve the best.
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A
female
reader, natmarie +, writes (1 October 2010):
 HI. If you think you were fredins with benifits i the first place - don;t out yourself back into that position. If you were acting irrationally, try to stay sane and non pressurising. Accept the dinner date and take it easy . Be laid back, freindly and nice, and see what happens. It sounds like he likes you . Just relax, and don;t get persona; and angry. That's what is putting him off . Treat him as a nice freind, and listen to haqtw he has to say, and see how he acts. You will get your answer, if you change your behaviour. It sounds as though he is unsure of you becasue maybe you have been a bit unpredictable at times?!! I wish you all the luck, and I hope the date goes well. :o) Natmarie xx
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