| A
age
,
*
writes: Why is it that advice given to a mistress is way off it seems that people do not want to hurt these people's feelings. Well as for my husband's affair there was no feelings pure anal sex is what she promised online and that turned out to be a nightmare. She actually said he was in love with her, people like this will not stop at anything, she was obsessed with my husband, she thought by blackmailing him he would leave her because friends told her advice like he cares about you when in reality he was trying to be nice and distancing away from her.....so please let's tell these people who sleep with married people the truth that married men or women never leave thier spouses for someone that was a sex thing from the start. It takes a lot to wipe out many years of marriage and kids...these skanks think that there all that, but in the end they lose...I know that alot of the positive advice to mistresses from women are women for sure that were sleeping with married men themselves no respectful woman would say something positive to someone who goes around sleeping with married men. Thank you
View related questions:
affair, anal sex, mistress Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (31 January 2008):
 I would suggest that if you're trying to forgive your husband, you should avoid this forum for a while. Not that there is something wrong here but you have to realize the situation. "IF" you have chosen to try and forgive, it could be a bumpy ride. You'll have highs and lows and most likely, the thing that heals is time. You need time.
I can hear in your voice that you're frustrated still and that is normal. You're going through the phases of the event. Denial,anger, pain, revenge, acceptance and understanding etc. You have to go through all of them in order to heal. Be careful how much advice you accept. There are many people who are not capable of forgiveness. To forgive is not something that makes you a fool or justifies what happened. Once you understand the "mechanics" of what happened, forgiveness gives YOU peace. My point is this, the details of this event are ruminating through your head. They will continue to do that for some time. They will fade eventually and what you're left with is the person you let yourself become.
Many people who reply here have an ax to grind because they are hurting too. Remember misery loves company. Get on with your life. Give this forum a break and clear you head. Make your choices and focus on them.
A
male
reader, rcn  +, writes (30 January 2008):
 you're right, we live in a society with the "greedy" belief, take if available. It comes down to making choices, thinking of the choices we make and the consequenses of making those choices.
I lead a non-dramatic life. I believe myself to be someone of character and integrity. I don't have a different personality at home than I do in my professional or social life. All of my actions are as if my children are watching me and grading me by the choices I make.
There is quite a bit of temptation in this world. We all face it daily. I face it, but who I am gives me the strength to not accept it. People put such a value on sex in society. Women dressing provocative, and men chasing them with their tongues hanging out. More people base "I have a relationship" off a sexual contact. I decided to be a bit different. I set a goal for myself, and all though there is temptations all around us, I am proud to say in 48 days I will begin my 3rd year with no sexual contact. No touching, kissing or anything that seems as if it could lead to something else.
I did this to prove my personal strength to myself. I have kids to raise, not people to screw. All though there are temptations, we all have the choices to make, and it's my choice not to allow temptation influence a decision where I may be lead to compromise my belifs, character or integrity.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTUATANABRAVO, I can't tell you how you made my day, reading what you wrote made me feel you really understand where I was coming from. I get comments to leave him, unfortunately for him this was his first time and we was busted right away!!He has lost his pride respect with everyone in family but you are right I have come to find out this (cheating) is a practice that goes on with a lot of close guys I thought were "NICE GUYS" do. My husband was the best husband, until he lowered himself to this disgusting choice..I am trying to forgive..as you can see.....Thank you for your reply, really made my day GOD BLESS!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 January 2008): You should be angry at your cheating husband, you would be better off without him x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I wholeheartedly agree with you jaazmine. I like millions of wives have endured the same despicable repercussion of the 'male (and female) ego in relation to grubby cheating.I cannot beleive how many people are not appauled at this type of behavior. I am a firm beleiver in facing the music when it comes to sleezy husbands and mates who think this type of think is clever and something to be proud of. How sill both the husbands and these cheap women are. The problem you and I - along with many others have to come to grips with is that we have now realised that the person in our life whom we are suppose to cheerish and jump through hoops for is a bit scummy!!! It does not sit well with me either and I now look at people in a different light too. What I have found uncomfortable is how many people engage in affairs and cheap sex. Until my discovery I was a bit blind to how many scumbags I and my husband actually had in our lives. Oblivious to me, unfortunately. It is not on, not right and not something they should be proud or egotistical over. When I think of the wormen my husband had an affair with I am appauled at his poor and low standard of choice. She was a grubby ex prostitue who was by no means worthy of betraying me over. But he did. I will however never hold my tongue now on overhearing friends and mates discussing tarts, cheating and being the stud around town. They will all now be in for a wee lecture about how pathetic they are. It seems that associations and attitudes amoungst people like this are fueled when together. The blokes think it's macho and masculine. Almost as silly as peer pressure. From my experiance it also seems that these women who are happy to engage with unavailable me, are fairly poor excuses for womenhood. They, like the guys are looking for an ego trip as well. Unfortunately what they don't realise is that they are, as you say a play toy and nothing to these men.But as long as those broads open their legs and make it available for free, losers will take advantage of it is we continue to condone this type of attitude in our societies.These people are really clever and full of themselves until they are exposed!!!!!!!!!!!! Then they are considered fools and spend the rest of their lives trying to get their 'nice' reputation if they had that back...The struggle now for me is trying to see a decent guy now, after the fact, whom I can care about in the same way as I did before. It is a jorney!!! A frustrating and painful one. xxxxxxx stay strong xxxxxx
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is so unfair to say it is lack of sex at home that is bullshit, I was intimate with my husband everyday..problem he started a job with REDNECKS and EUROPEANS I am European myself so I know in my culture this happens alot but I hoped my husband had morals...I am a very open person when it comes to sex with my husband we were each others first for everything we experimented EVERYTHING hey some things sexually I like and some I don't. This was not the reason for my husband's infidelity the reason he did what he did was as sad as it is male ego with his friends. The whore he was boinking was the joke at break-time for his buddies at work, it seemed his little gang of friends went on a chatline and met a bunch of whores and yes they are all married , they would exchange their stories the next day, these women were never called by thier names, they were given animal nicknames my husband's whore was the "horse"(cavalo) because she liked to scream loud ON CAM NICE huh.. .there was a "chicken" etc.. It is sad but at the same time. Karma for these women who think they are "the WOMAN" in most situations they are a joke, a tool, I feel sorry for these fools, they need a reality check only a small % gets the man,All men go back to the wife thats the "real woman" the one to take him back he begs and begs and pleads like mine did says he will never go on a computer he advised me he was checked by Docters and will understand if I do not want to be intimate that he will live with that, but he just wants to be with me,,,You just smile and think Wow it is true What goes around really does come around the "the horse" never knew she would get dumped so quickly by a man who promised to take care of her. especially when there was anal sex involved she did not add the two..I mean she did supply the condoms...you know this is what all women lower themselves when sleeping with married men there were 11 guys all married and still married all the wives found out all is still married now there are 11 barn animals out there single again.....:-( Licking thier wounds...
I do not see people in a good light I use to, I am a good person, but unfortunalely we live in a world of savage women and men who for their selfish pleasures will give up the true thing and give into temptation, My husband will forever regret what he did what is sad is "the other woman" is everything he hated in women she is very unattractive she is nasty his lack of control, friends made him take that path he will never again get back will never regain my full heart again...
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): I am one of those women that have fooled around with a married man. I have been on chat sites and have had married men approach me. I have tried discussing with them why they would cheat on their wives. Most answers were their wives work and usually shift work was most common answer. I could even guess what their wives did for a living most of the time...Either that or they needed more sex than their wives would offer or want. I too was married once and accidently found a used condom in my husband's room when we lived in different countries. he denied it and said it must be his nephews. I know what it is to be lied to. Unfortunately it also made me hard. I later divorced and became very promiscuos. Men want what they are not getting at home. Women need to be open to trying different things with their spouses and share their desires too. We women seem to think that we shouldn't share our sexual thoughts or we will be seen as dirty. I am begging you house wives to open up and share maybe even explore your body that you thought was only for the man to do. Good luck to you all that have been cheated on. I am now in therapy and getting over my past and no longer would even dream of being with a married person again unless it was my own husband.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy husband never left me only the opposite when she did not deliver the goods she promised online he begged and begged for forgiveness from me it really was the sex she had to offer (anal sex) sad...but sadly he made this choice and thought he would get to experience this and the nightmare was I found out and she was disgusting as most woman are who are online offering sex...for money...He made a bad choice that will last a long time on his conscience.....but he never left me...
...............................
A
female
reader, red1982  +, writes (25 January 2008):
I agree with you - I think these women do suffer with low self esteem and see it as a boost if they manage to get a man away from someone else. But it's a vicious cycle as they end up feeling worse about themselves then they did in the first place. And their relationship must be awful surely if they know that this man left his wife for them then tey must know that he may well leave them for the next one that flutters their eyelashes.
I really hope that you and your husband can work things out. I can't even imagine how you are feeling as I know that it is my worst nightmare that my husband would do that to me. I dn't think I could ever forgive him - let alone trust him again. You must love him very much.
Good luck
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (25 January 2008):
The world would always be better of if people did the right thing. It seem shard to do though and people seeme more interested in what suits THEM at the moment. They don't think about what they're hurting. Do on to others etc.....
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 January 2008):
 I never have a kind word for cheaters especially the married ones. They simply cause too much damage and pain. I think you are doing the right thing with the therapy, give it some time and don't give up. You've suffered a deep wound and it will take time to heal. Good luck Darlin'!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionRED 1982I have blamed my husband for he is the one who promised me never to leave my side he broke the vows, I no longer feel married to him but starting over and trying to pick up the pieces YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT WOMEN DO TURN ON EACH OTHER when a woman sleeps with another womans man in my eyes she is turning on another woman, I blame my husband for everything that happened to us as a couple. Somehow there was something in our relationship I failed to see, but now we are given a chance to realize either our love is strong or we have to walk away from each other he doesnt leave my side and is repentent of what he did, but again I would never ever sleep with a married man ever! I never had this problem, of going against the "other woman" but now that it happened to me, it is like a stranger who stole something from me that is the best way for me to explain it as for my husband You are so right he was the one who I blame totally ......But if more women stopped being selfish and have more self-esteem and try to actually get their own men because these are desperate women who do this..The world would be a better place. :-)
...............................
A
female
reader, red1982 +, writes (24 January 2008):
Why is it that you are only angry with the mistress?? What is you husband thinking sleeping with a woman who advertises herself as no feelings, anal sex only??
I have never slept with a married man, nor would I but I know that some men do leave their wives (and women their husbands) for other lovers because some of my friends have been left for someone else.
I would never condemn just the woman for the affair either, it takes more then just a woman saying 'I'm up for it if you are' to make a partner stray. He has to want something more. It's funny - women seem to turn on each other rather then the person who was mostly in the wrong in the first place!!
I think that you should seek some support to deal with your (understandable) anger over your husbands affair and I wish you luck getting your marriage back on track.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for the replies, it has helped me in ways that I truly am grateful, (eddie) my outlet is this site and I am seeing a therapist but it doesn't seem to help, talking and actually typing out my frustrations to see what other people say has really helped alot, as for my husband, (ariel) he has admitted his wrong he has not left my side. He tells me everyday How much he loves me. And (rcn) so True, it is a choice, a choice my husband made that he will have to live with the fact that he could of enjoyed True Love from me and that is probably something we have to work on, not to mention for him to get respect from his teenage kids who he hurt and probably caused trust issues in their relationships someday......Thank you all God Bless
...............................
A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (24 January 2008):
I never defend people who cheat. I actually have some comments written in the Article section about the topic. People can be very selfish and greedy. People who are not in love don't not understand they damage they cause when they put a wedge into a marriagae, especially when one person thinks the marriage is good. Also remember that it doesn't make you a fool for being cheated on. It makes your husband a fool for cheating. The other woman is no better either.
You are hurt and trying to deal with this. Try your best and get some help from therapist if you need it. Do not bottle up your frustration, talk to someone.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2008): You have a lot of anger which is understandable and I would never defend a mistress but your anger is pointing the wrong way. I have been cheated on myself and know your pain but it is your husband who betrayed your trust, it is your husband who cheated on you, it was your husband who is meant to care about you and protect you and it was him who let you down.The mistress owes you nothing, has promised you nothing, is nothing to do with you, is not part of your life etc.I am not saying she is right to have done whatever with your husband but she found a man, wanted him, had him, she wasnt betraying any trusts, breaking any promises, letting you down but he was.He is the one that owed something to you, had to honour and respect your feelings and what you too shared. He was the one that broke and shattered all of that and it is HIM your anger should be directed to.Short of rape, no one forced him into this situation and he did it of his own accord.
...............................
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (24 January 2008):
The same shall be given to the men who choose to sleep with someone while they are married. A marriage is suppose to be based off love, respect, caring for the others feelings, not knowingly take part in activities they know will hurt the person the "claim" they love. when the man goes off with the mistress, he just wiped out and disrespected everthing marriage stands for. True love is a choice. It's the choice, when a beautiful naked lady is laying there and willing, to say "I'll pass, I have someone I love at home."
...............................
|
