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age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: This has a multi-part question and may be a bit long. I apologize beforehand for the misfortune of having anyone read it, if they choose to.As I age, I have grown weary of the economics of all kinds of relationships. Lingering friendships that continue to run on their hamster wheels, has continued to dilute. Current intimate potentials have yielded a great accumulation of frustrations and annoyances. Corporate politics had made me shut out anything beyond the doors of my office. I wonder often, is it just me or is humanity really difficult to get along with? (rhetorical)Now the actual dilemma...I have lived my life in the last few years, after much re-definition through experiences, through these two words: objectivity and honesty. Objectivity in trying to look at all sides, angles and shades of a subject and honesty in giving a straightforward expression to anyone trying to connect with me.However, I realized that objectivity and honesty can also be setbacks in trying to connect with people. These two points seem to counter the one-sided ideals of the majority of people I have met. I do use tact in certain situations, but I find that I cannot communicate objectivity and honesty with everyone. You may think that friends and lovers should accept me for who I am, if they wish to remain friends and lovers to me, but we are all individuals with our own series of needs and wants. Indeed, unconditional love and support is a fantasy.My questions are:1) If you were to choose to stay alone rather than accept an intimate partner, how will you go about doing that? What interests and activities would you swallow yourself into to help ease off the desires of physical and emotional intimacy?2) If you were to choose and accept a partner one day/night, what kinds of personal compromises would you take and give to connect with your partner?
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSorry for the very late follow-up. I think about the comments here often and now I am going to respond on them.
1Q) What was the best relationship you have had? why did it end?
1A) The best relationship I had was in my more youthful days. It was more like a friendship with an underlying motive from each of us to be intimately more.
It ended because I denied her after telling her my feelings. I denied her because at the time, I recognized that I was not mature enough to handle an intimate relationship and I also felt she deserved someone who could treat her much better. I was at a time when the world around me was falling quickly. Youthful, inexperienced, shallow, undeserved pride, mishandling of financial affairs, etc.
2Q) What was your favourite subject at school?
2A) It has always been a subject within a subject. For example, in elementary school, when we learned about the Amazon rainforests, my teacher grouped us up and each group created a simulated rainforest habitat. I liked that very much. We also learned about the dark ages and medieval period and built knight's armour and wore them. Each boy (knight) would have a girl as his 'lady' and every day, we had to bring her a lunch and each week, some flowers.
We learned about chivalry and how each knight had to create his own tapestry and coat of arms. Be well-educated while keeping up with his military training.
Another subject within a subject was during high school Art, where we would do photography. That would be my favorite focus in Art, to capture the moment, to be able to look back at that moment and apply a memory and the feeling associated to it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): A selfish person once said "why should I change?"
Love is an emotion not a decision. You can try and tie it down as much as you want and think about it, but really its cobblers. The words won't ever match the emotion.
What was the best relationship you have had? why did it end?
What was your favourite subject at school?
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have pondered on your questions. "What does love mean to you? What do you truly want? In 5 years how will you be?"I have come to a point in this life, that love is self-created and constantly redefined by the target of your adoration. When the connection to that target is broken or blocked by obstacles, that self-creation becomes 'wild', as it no longer connects solidly to the receiver. Metaphorically, imagine a gushing hose flailing wildly after its nozzle had been cut off or blown away.As for what I truly want, unfortunately, there lies a much deeper 'issue'. I think where my questions come from tries to answer a more personal desire, where as "what I truly want" would answer the desire that extends beyond myself. /sighOften, I 'wish' that those need taken care of, are already taken care of and can continued to be taken care of, so I may retreat to a more peaceful lifestyle. Alas, there are so many obstacles, self-maintained and 'divinely-influenced'. In 5 years, how may I be? If the situations I am in, do not improve or hardly improve, then I will be in this exact or similar situation I am in right now. To select a route, many consequences will ensue as time goes by. I do not want to make this into a wall of text, that may cause temporary blindness, maybe even rage, however, to summarize my thoughts, this is a predicament I know is difficult to overcome. As Miss Walston had mentioned, "compromise as much as possible as long as I don't lose who I am along the way".Almost like self-pity, I think I have already lost a part of myself... Giving oneself 'to the greater good' isn't easy. Forfeiting love in the process is even harder for humans with a sane mind and working libido.Ah, I know what I must do. I was just seeking further perspectives that I might have not seen already. Thank you, you two for your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): Our world is full of short words for the important things : Food, Life, Love.
i think you are a normal person with some fears of what to do. You are bright and educated, So:
What does love mean to you?
What do you truly want?
in 5 years how will you be?
Star.x.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question1) I have considered becoming a monk. Alas, monkhood does not pay very well and my elderly parents have taken a toll on their bodies trying to give my brother and I a better life over the last few decades. As my brother lives his own life, I have chosen to help secure the well-being and welfare of my mom and my dad. This cannot be done if I selfishly put myself into an environment where I wish to cede from common society.
2) That concept has passed through my thoughts. You have highlighted a good concept on "two becomes one".
I think it's not quite the preparation of what to give up, but rather, what can be given up. Then again, further meditation would yield these two ideals be the same or similar.
Then in that case, it's close to what you said "What are you willing to give up?"
[ponders]
I look around me, these gray walls, white blinds and the numbing florescent tubes above me and think, "What am I willing to give up?"
"To give up everything" isn't as literal, yet it's so accurate. Maybe the question I should have asked is not compromise but whether, who is willing to compromise?
I am unsure on how to compact my thoughts and inquiries. These 'big words' you have pointed out are just the most accurate approach to expressing myself, without expressing an encyclopedia of thoughts.
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female
reader, misswalston  +, writes (13 May 2009):
 Okay, to your first question: If I was to choose to stay alone which is not a choice I would want to make because everyone should have someone in their life to share it with, however I would surround myself with positiveness, cultural and more spiritual surroundings because I feel that spiritual surroundings would be the best route to go if you are deciding to be alone.......
2nd question: I would compromise as much as possible as long as I don't lose who I am along the way. Sometimes our compromises make us forget who we are and what we stand for. I would compromise things like going out, spending time together, children, jobs. What I mean is sometimes you can't go out, sometimes you can't spend time together, sometimes your child might be sick or no babysitter, sometimes you might have to work late. Those are the compromises in a relationship that still keep you and your integrity in tact.........But first and foremost you must make sure that you choose a partner who is worth the compromises..........I hope this helps.....
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): How can you mention of economics of love during a recession?
anyway your post... blah blah big word blah blah..
1) you could become a priest? that would occupy your time.
- the answer here is any that occupy your head and exhaust your body so that you don't need these things.
2) To choose a partner - or as we mortals call it fall in Love mean everything is compromised and in return you get a hybrid of yourself and them (and so do they) - you become something new - a couple. And whilst this is nothing really --- its is actually everything.
What are you prepared to give up?
Star.x.
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