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female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes: I've always had problems showing affection, all i have inside me is hatred and anger. I've suffered from abuse since i was a child, and it have affected me till this day. I still live with my parents, I'm a great student but i just can't stand my parents anymore and their behavior. I would rather live alone but i don't have enough money to be fully independent. I've went to therapy and i was diagnosed with anxiety disorder after I've noticed that my panic attacks are getting more frequent. I haven't told my parents and im not planning to do because they will probably think im going crazy. I've never been in a relationship and I'm always having problems letting people get close to me because I'm not comfortable enough to trust others anymore. My therapy is helping me control my anxiety but the therapist isn't giving me any convincing reason to engage and socialize with others. I'm going to admit that I'm a control freak and this is another reason not to allow myself to be in a relationship, because im just scared to be in a relationship were my boyfriend will take the lead over everything and probably my abusive dad is one of the valid reasons of why i can't trust men anymore, because I've always thought that he would be my backbone. Can someone please tell me if they had a similar experience and if they ever over came it? Is it possible to fix myself? How do i get out all the hatred and anger inside me? How do i stop being so distant?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 December 2018): HiI have been in a situation like yours where my dad was abusive, like you I was angry and pushed people away, especially relationships and allowing people in.Can you overcome it? Yes but by working on yourself, by realising not every man is like your father, not every relationship is like your parents. By remembering you are a survivor and not a victim.Try if you can to leave your parents house if it is toxic to you. Try even if you can't leave to do things that will be positive to you. Try and better yourself as a person and not to focus on your anger, focus your energies on positive things, mine was exercise at your age.Your past shapes you and can make you stronger but you have to put some work in. Your level of abuse may be difficult to forget but yes you CAN become a healthier person in body and mind, nothing is set in stone remember that x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2018): If you've tried relationships, and they give you anxiety; then you're not ready.
That doesn't mean you can't try to make friends, or just mingle and try to interact with people your own age. If you got out of your house, what would you do? How would you support yourself or maintain a job, if your say your attacks are becoming more frequent? Please, talk to your doctor! For now, you must be totally selfish; and concentrate on getting better! Even if it means telling your parents you want another doctor.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2018): Why would you come to an advice column regarding a change in your mental-health, and not tell your doctor? If your parents are the source of your abuse; why would any mental-health professional let you remain with them?
Something is odd here!
Ask your therapist. How can you say your therapist isn't giving you a convincing reason to engage or socialize? Care to explain in more detail what you mean by that statement? Why does someone have to convince you to socialize?
You are dealing with emotional-trauma and a very serious mental-health disorder. Unprofessional-advice could confuse you; or contradict your trained and licensed therapist.
You may be a difficult patient. Avoiding or resistant to your treatment and doctor's suggestions. I hope with all my heart you're not here scouting for answers to tell you what you want to hear.
First and foremost, any decline or adverse changes in your condition should be reported to your doctor immediately!
Not doing so could be totally bad for you.
Stick with your therapy. You can't instantly fix yourself.
If you're not being cooperative with the advice of your therapist; and not disclosing the increased frequency of your panic attacks; you will have little to no success in getting any benefit from therapy. If all you need is to hear from someone who can share similar experience, no problem.
You have to take your prescribed medication as directed. I'm often skeptical; because people stop taking their meds. Then go searching for advice from sources other than their doctor to help them.
When people say they aren't going to tell anyone when they are getting worse, especially their doctor, that's a red-flag for me! I seriously suggest that you tell your doctor, if not your parents!
If your panic attacks are becoming more frequent; than the one to inform is your therapist. If you feel a therapist is ineffective, you seek another opinion.
If you are withhold information from your doctor; this is the last place you need to come for advice. We're going to send you back to your doctor where you belong!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 December 2018): I believe that all of the feelings that you are experiencing are within a normal range considering all that you've been through. You are a survivor and you have to stop being so hard on yourself. Excellent step in attending therapy, this will allow you to continue to work through everything that you're feeling. As for the situation with your parents, it won't be resolved overnight due to your financial situation. Begin to set short and long-term goals to save money and perhaps find another source of income (for the long-term). You shouldn't feel the need to force yourself to be in relationships if you are not ready, you have plenty of time. The anxiety that you feel is letting you know that it's not the time to focus on a relationship, this is your time to focus on caring for yourself.
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