A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Is it ever acceptable to cheat? I'm in a marriage and very happy aside from the fact my hb and my sex drives are in completely the opposite directions mines very high and his due to medication is virtually nil, I've lived with this for over 10 years and I want more than this, I do masterbate but it's simply not the same as being "screwed", I have a friend in a similar situation in his marriage but we are both scared to take things further as we don't want to hurt our partners and we certainly don't love or want more from each other. I love my husband and before anyone asks yes I'd be devastated if I caught him cheating so I know it's double standards. But I just want in basic terms a good seeing to like I had when I first met my husband, btw the medication can't be changed and he's not interested in pleasuring in other ways.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2014): I know about this being the victim of a cheating wife. The dumbest thing or simple little lie will get you caught. I didn't see anything about children in your story. If you have kids, you better take them into consideration before you stop masturbating. They will be the real victims. If you don't have kids and he isn't interested in pleasuring you then you should divorce him because your never going to be fulfilled and you will going down Cheaters Lane eventually. Your friend and you are already guilty of emotional cheating if your discussing this together. This is just about as bad as screwing him when you share intimate and sexual problems at home with a person of the opposite sex. Believe me this guy, all he wants is you for a sex toy and when his wife starts suspecting something amiss with that women's intuition, she will find out who, when and where. That's the easy part once they know your screwing someone else and your name will be all over it. Maybe the guy is a liar, just wanting to repete your stories over and over, your making it easier for him to manipulate you to screw him. Don't ever forget most men are pigs and will say anything for sex.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2014): I guess now as a married woman you know fully the meaning of this phrase 'for better or for worse'. Otherwise, your vows are just as good as the paper we wipe ourselves with and flush down the toilet. If you want to get cheese from another woman's fridge without her knowledge, it's your choice. Remember, everything has a price. The price will be your marriage. Don't try to fix something that's not broken by smashing it and trying to piece it together again. Nothing broken that can't be fixed. Be patient.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014): This is a dilemma. I can't imagine any guy would say yes to an open relationship one sided.
As for you living with someone who is not even interested to pleasure yu other ways I don't know if its a very healthy relationship.
If you absolutely don't want to leave this man, and still need to satisfy your sex urges, may be to take a lover is a good idea, but permanent one, dot to change them all the time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2014): "I love my husband and before anyone asks yes I'd be devastated if I caught him cheating so I know it's double standards." You pretty much answer your own question there -- do you want to be the sort of person who does this? Cheating is called cheating for a reason, as someone has already pointed out. That said, given your admission that you're pining for a pounding (and a lot of women are in this boat, thanks to the crap advice given to men -- often by women -- in 'relationships' columns) you need to make sure he knows that you're going out of your mind with sexual frustration. Just how important is this medication of his that can't be changed? Is it more important than your marriage? Put the ball in his court: tell him what you've said here about your desperation -- tell him you want him to bang your brains out, because although your marriage is otherwise great, you're at your wits' end because you want him in you so badly. If he loves you and cares about you as you say, he'll take the problem seriously and work on a solution *with* you. ...Which will hopefully end with you screaming the house down because he's pumping you so hard. ;) Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (4 February 2014):
 As much as I don't agree with open marriages (I find it a total oxymoron) it DOES work for some couples.
I agree with SVC - that if YOUR spouse is OK with you getting "laid" by someone else, I wouldn't regard it as cheating but.. YOUR spouse should KNOW who and whomever you have sex with WILL HAVE to tell their partner too.
But other then that, NO I don't think CHEATING is ever OK.
My guess is you haven't communicated to your husband HOW much you are missing regular sex. And of course masturbation can't replace sex. My husband has 1/3 of the sex drive I do - with him having had a heart attack (and being on meds) I DO understand that our sex life has diminished quite a bit, but we still make it work. It does mean that HE puts in a lot more "work" without getting the full "benefit" himself, but he is OK with that. I know that because... WE TALK about that kind of stuff.
Cheating never fixes anything. It might help your "itch" a while and then the guilt, the feelings for the other dude, or his wife finds out, the drama the hurt.. not worth it.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (4 February 2014):
I actually think that this is a symptom of your marriage just not working. Is it acceptable to cheat? No. And you know it, hence why you've already mentioned the double standards. So, ultimately, it's about whether you want to remain in this marriage as it is, look to an open marriage if your husband would agree, or move on. All I know is this - don't cheat and bring other people into a world of pain, and don't settle for something that you're not happy with.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (4 February 2014):
 Cheating is always wrong hence the word "CHEATING". Now if you can do what SVC suggests and get your husband's permission then that's not cheating. Did you wed with the vow "in sickness and in health"? Just curious.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 February 2014):
 IF you get your spouse's permission then it's fine.
IF you lie about it it's wrong.
So you say to him: "you are not interested in other things and I can't live like this I need more. Either we separate and divorce or I take a lover." then let him make the choice.
I do not condone cheating or lying. I can approve easily of getting sexual needs met outside of a relationship as long as both parties in the relationship are open and honest about it with all involved. This would include your married friend who wants to cheat as well.
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