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Caught my wife giving a BJ to an older guy at a party... !

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (3 February 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 28 March 2011)
A male United Kingdom age 30-35, *orkalone writes:

I have been married for 6 years and my life is pretty good, I am 29 and my wife is 26, we have an 18-month little girl. We got married when she was still at University and I run my own company, which is more than profitable, so no financial worries. I met my wife through modelling work; we both did modelling to help us through University. My wife is a very attractive girl and I suppose I am not that bad myself and it is this fact that makes my problem all the more confusing. We were at party a few months ago and were both enjoying ourselves drinking of course but not to excess. Late on in the party I went into a bedroom and found some guy getting a blowjob, the room was dark and I could not clearly see who the two were. Anyway, to cut a long story short, this over weight bloke in his mid fifties left the room; some time later my wife emerged.

Stunned is the only word possible, she did not notice me. The journey home was a silent affair I was simply speechless, I don’t know why I didn’t confronted her when we got home, I just didn’t. The next day I kept cam and I explained what I had witnessed. She didn’t deny it and first she said she just had too much to drink but I told her that wasn’t true I pretty much knew what she had to drink. In the end she said it basically made her feel dirty and excited all at the one time. What the hell is she talking about? This was an old fat man and somehow this was exciting? Sordid maybe but how the hell could it be exciting. She says she will not do this again but that’s not the point, even if that is true I will always know now that her orgasms are bloody strange affair along with her desires.

As a foot note She now seems to have an obsession or fetish about angora sweaters; also she now never wears a bra, she still has the typical models build and I suppose doesn’t really require one, occasionally in the past she didn’t wear one. But now my paranoia is constantly kicking in and things like this, the general length of her skirts, the kind of easy access her clothes are suggestive, I feel she’s is constantly out to tease. If I make any comment she gets angry and says I am being overly paranoid. My other real worry is her boss a much older guy who I know covets her, before all this I always thought he has no chance but now I can no longer being certain of anything.

What the hells wrong with her? Is there anything or is just me.

View related questions: affair, blow-job, notice me, orgasm, university

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A male reader, ashaw United States +, writes (28 March 2011):

Do you guys still love each other? She should tell you the real reason she did it, and decide if she wants to continue. You mention that the man wasn't attractive, but it may have been a thrill for her to bring that much pleasure to someone. Does she still excite you? Do you let her know that? I think you need to get to the bottom of what she wants, and you'll have to be careful not to be judgmental or over react, or you won't get the truth. It sounds like you tend not to over react from what you described. Once you get to the bottom of what her needs are, you need to decide if they are something you can live with. If giving head to another guy once every few years was enough to drive my wife wild and make her happy, but she still loved and wanted me, I think I could live with that. But, that's what you need to decide.

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A male reader, _Shad_ United States +, writes (31 July 2008):

Honestly I know exactly how you feel I had a similar issue. The feeling never went away with me and later I snuck around a little and caught her cheating again so I broke it off. I still love her but I couldn't trust her so it was no use in trying to stay with her. If I were you I would do some snooping or maybe contact that show cheaters.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2008):

That's fetish...she's just trying to cuckold you.

welcome to the life style bro

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008):

You sound like a nice man and a caring husband, but it looks to me as if your wife doesn't deserve you. When you were married, you entered into an agreement together. An agreement to stay faithful to one another. The fact that your wife ISN'T EVEN SORRY should set off some bells in your head. Doesn't seem like she cares about you. I suggest a divorce.

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A female reader, superfly United States +, writes (12 February 2007):

Resolution:

1. Divorce.

2. Child Custody

3. Seek Child Support

4. Take care of child 1000%

5. Date again-PICK THE RIGHT CHICK THIS TIME-NO LOSERS!!!

6. Remarry again.

7. Live life again.

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A male reader, stu9585 United Kingdom +, writes (11 February 2007):

i agree with the anonymous reply fom 4 feb. if it wasnt for ur daughter id say leave, i would not forgive any form of cheating.

i dont think your wive needs help though, i think she was simply unfaithful.

alcohol is never an excuse in my opinion.

can i ask what claire1984 meant by the '' round 'cheating'? i hope you dont mean to imply it was a minor form of cheating.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007):

mate she cheated on you and didnt show one sign of remorse to you or your daughter.

personally theres no way id stay with a woman who shows me no respect or interest in my well being.

thats my personal thought, but i can see why with a daughter its difficult for you. but from what you say about how shes changing it seems to me that shes thinking...well he let me get away with cheating once.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2007):

Is there anything wrong with her? I would venture a guess as yes. Has she ever had a substance abuse problem? Could she be doing this for money to support a drug habit that you don't know about? Addicts are supremely good at hiding their drug use even from someone who lives with them daily....Look for signs like large dialated pupils, mood swings, agitation...etc.

Or she could be developing an addiction to sex, and the more random and meaningless it is the more exciting and addictive...I would say she needs to be evaluated by a clinical psychologist or cognitive behavioral psychologist to check for bipolar disorder, depression, or drug addiction...you can ask her to go with you for marriage therapy together, and then go from there with addressing this rather bizarre behavior....Good Luck

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A male reader, eddie Canada +, writes (3 February 2007):

eddie agony auntIf this is a real question, it sounds way too casual to me, he has every right to ask as many questions as he likes. Too bad for her if the questions bothered her. He found his wife on her knees with a man's penis in her mouth!! That deserves a question or two.....or three.

This all sounds strange to me. I'm not saying it's not true but to have the ability to pass the rest of the night without mentioning it is, well...hard to imagine.

What do her orgasms have to do with anything? That sounds strange too.

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A female reader, Claire1984 United Kingdom +, writes (3 February 2007):

I feel for you because I know what this sort of thing does to you and you feel like you're going crazy, right?

From a womans perspective I feel she might just be wanting to feel young and sexy again after the birth of your daughter. The blow job element I cannot explain, all i could suggest is that you are sensitive to how she might be feeling after the baby and try to discuss this discreetly with her.

I don't know if you can forgive her for 'cheating' on you like this, you didn't say but I know that the constant questions would drive me crazy. Best of luck x

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