A
female
age
30-35,
*nfinishedSymphony
writes:I've really liked this guy for some time. But it was only recently that I found out he likes me back. Nothing has happened between us; we aren't even dating yet. Last night I went town with my "friend" who I previously hit it off with in the past. I was drunk. I texted the guy I really liked that i'd see him the next day, catch up and most importantly discuss us dating. My "friend" and I, have a consistent tendency to kiss each other and always bring up how it was unfinished business between us and why we never went out. I don't fancy him at all, I just care for him alot. I know he cares for me greatly and is showing signs he loves me. I feel that me kissing him last night has given him false hope that we'll start a relationship very soon. This morning I went to see the guy I liked. It went really well, we didn't kiss or hold hands...we just talked over alot of things. Now I feel really bad. I dont want my "friend" to feel there is a chance between me and him and I also feel it was wrong of me to kiss my "friend" because I knew the other guy really liked me. I know a big group of people are going town tomorrow night and my friend and the guy i like are both going. They dont know each other really...but i know for a fact if they find out about the whole thing they'll both be upset. What should i do?
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male
reader, Griffo  +, writes (17 January 2009):
 Thats perfect! you couldn't have done it better. He will understand. It's better being friends in the long run anyway - It might hurt him a little, but give him a call later to see how he is.
If he tries distancing himself, just reassure him later about you being his friend. He will need to hear/see those words.
A
female
reader, UnfinishedSymphony +, writes (17 January 2009):
UnfinishedSymphony is verified as being by the original poster of the question Right ok.
I just texted my friend saying...
"i really want you to know i care about you. that will never change ever. i still have feelings for somebody else. ive known that for a few months now.im so sorry ive complicated things.i told myself on the train i wouldnt go with you but i did :/ xx"
what do you think?
its better to be honest with him asap than later dont you think?
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A
male
reader, Griffo +, writes (17 January 2009):
Hi UnfinishedSymphony,
If you tell your friend your not interested just like that, he will be upset anyway. The best thing you can do is to let him know you can't see him as much anymore and that you still want to be friends with him. But tell him after you start dating the other guy.
But when he eventually finds out about you being with this other guy it will break him. I know its hard but its true, even if he's just a friend. it might even be best to tell him that your interested in a guy (not him) and still want to be friends with him. So the best thing you can do about him is simply reassure that your his friend make sure that your new boyfriend also is aware that he is your friend and he has to respect that too. this is very important if you want to retain all.
Let us know how you go.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2009): You have to tell your friend that you are not romantically interested in that you are sorry for the other night, that was wrong as you are interested in someone else. Yes he is going to be hurt, yes he might not go out and maybe the friendship will end, maybe it won't, but you cannot let him continue to think there is a chance. You have to do this regardless of the other person.
that said you also cannot live your life and make your decisions based on what you think may or may not hurt someone. In the end it will probably all turn out.
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A
female
reader, UnfinishedSymphony +, writes (17 January 2009):
UnfinishedSymphony is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI really want to do that...i just dont know how i could do it if you get me
Its so typical of me to do this. with alcohol i do stupid things that cause havoc in the future. just complicating things.
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A
female
reader, Chisa  +, writes (17 January 2009):
 Wow that would make a great movie. But you shoud just tell them both before the party so neither of them get the wong idea. I know it's probably easier said than done, butjust give it a try.
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