A
female
age
51-59,
*arison
writes:I am marriaged to an American for more then 12 years now. I went to USA to work and study with a scholarship in Arts. We met through a friend from my Master´s Degree University. He is an Artist too,but from another University,but doesnt have a Master´s Degree.I do have some classes in Doctor´s Degree though,but couldnt continuing because of money and too much time.I did start working on Arts (Im a painter),and teaching in an University too.I dont have too much of a competition type of person though. I am a lay back person.Short story,we got married and I found out that he is competing with me.He gives me bad advise,and I lost many jobs. He doesnt help me at all. He is all the time with his friends and he doesnt care nor like my friends.His family is kinda negative with tons of yelling and fighting,so he is a kind of like that.I cant stand anymore,but I have a huge attachment for him.I think I feel that I have to help him with his negative traits,but he doesnt help me. He is too much into himself.I only have a sister in my country,so if I leave him I am gonna lose my green card.He was the one that did advise me not to have a citzenship here.Since last year I feel that he is getting more agressive,negative ,and when I did confronted him about my jobs he came straight to me and almost hited me on my face.I felt the rage and the competition.I cant stand his anger and negativity anymore.I have no more friends here because of him.It is my fault I know that.I did try to be a helper but I did turned up to be a co-dependent and ``his mother`` type.Maybe he has an anger towards his mother,i dont know,and is putting it onto me.I feel that I must leave.I am gonna lose my rights in this Country but I cant stand anymore.My sister is seeing this and asking me to leave with her.Should I leave him and lose the green card? Should I go and live with my sister in my country? Im so confused. If I stay here in USA i am practically alone,no friends anymore.So,I dont know what to do.
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female
reader, Stelladra  +, writes (7 February 2014):
I agree with everyone here. Bet part of the reason you are so lonely here is you're trapped with an abusive man. If you left him, (which he clearly tried to make you believe you couldn't with the omission that you needed him for your green card), bet you would start having a much happier life. And by the way it's concerning he is having rages and almost hit you, this could escalate and you should never ever stay with a violent man. Also he sounds very insecure and so he needs to put you down to feel better about himself. You might be married to a narcissist. Good luck, let us know what happens. Hope you stay in the US!
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 No that you don't have to leave the USA if you divorce ! As long as you have been married at least two years, you can divorce and get to keep your permanent residency ( Green Card ). Which would only be annulled for permanent abandonment of the country ( if you stay abroad more than 18 months ) , Aggravated Felony or Crimes of Moral Turpitude.
If I were you, I'd divorce and stay put just right where you are. Eberybody is entitled to have different opinions, of course, and no disrespect meant to anybody, but... if it were so true , as CMMP says ,that life in the States is "nothing special" and people live better in Latin American.... then how come that there are so few Americans who relocate permanently to Latin America, and millions of Latin Americans who moved, or want to move , permanently to USA by any means necessary, including illegal, expensive and dangerous ones ?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2013): I'm in the US on a Greencard- after two years you can divorce or seperate and keep your Greencard/stay in the USA. Sounds like you should leave him.
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A
female
reader, Bazinga  +, writes (8 November 2013):
 Hi,
I'm not sure how the sytem works in USA but you should possibly see an immigration lawyer. I am sure you could stay if you leave him. You've been living there for 12 years now.
A quick google search and came up with this:
http://www.uscis.gov/news/fact-sheets/information-legal-rights-available-immigrant-victims-domestic-violence-united-states-and-facts-about-immigrating-marriage-based-visa-fact-sheet
and just to highlight a line from reading through it
"If you have been married more than 2 years when your Form I-485 is approved, you will receive permanent residence status from USCIS. On that date you will no longer be dependent on your U.S. citizen spouse for immigration status."
As it states above,for more than 2 years you are not dependent on your spouse for immigration status. I'd really check with a lawyer if I were you. Best of luck and hope you can stay:).
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (7 November 2013):
 First of all, if you have been married for 12 year why haven't you been Neutralized as a Citizen?
I would seriously look into the rules about you being able to stay without having to be married to him.
Once you have figured out a legal way to stay (if you so wish) then look for a job without his help, find a place to stay, file for divorce.
On the other hand you can return home to family and friend, live in a familiar place - home. You will have a support-net and people who love you around you.
I know what I would choose.. Going home.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (7 November 2013):
As you seem to be finding out, life in the US isn't anything special and in some ways it's inferior so many people's home country, even though it's romanticized.
Yes, you can sometimes earn more money, but you can also easily spend every dime of it and still not be happy. People are also generally less social (except virtually) than in Latin America as well, and that's a huge issue for new residents.
Since you have nothing in this country to live for, don't put up with his crap. He won't change because he doesn't think he does anything wrong, so you're going to have to put up with it or leave.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 November 2013):
 Returning to Uruguay sounds like a "small price" to pay to get away from such an a$$ as you married.....
Via con Dios....
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