A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm confused. I've been with my bf for 3 years.we live together. He's a great guy and would make a great father/husband. However lately we've been fighting because I'm ready to have a baby and he's not.(i'm 28, he's 30). we argue about money because he thinks i have too much debt and dont work enough (30 hours because of my health). I think he works too much and doesnt spend much time home. (80+ hours) He's very social and I'm more solitary. we're like 2 complete opposites. the only thing thats good is the sex and im attracted to him. I dont know if im being clear enough... can 2 completely different people work it out and stay together? or is it a lost cause?
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female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (28 July 2011):
 If you do not have the same CORE values as a couple, you will not make it.
You should be balanced with what you both cherish.
In your case, you are both OFF balance with key issues.
*You are not on the same page about having a baby NOW.
*You do not agree about finances
*You do not agree about work
*He is social and you are introverted.
You do not have enough foundation to build a family on here.
If you really want to be with him, first acknowledge you will not change him. He has to want to do that on his own.
Being young, can your health be improoved with some effort on your part? Have you thought that pregnancy may impact your health MORE and make it impossible for you to work at all? Having a baby will impact BOTH your lives further.
If he is working 80 hrs a week, and you are home all day with a baby-how will that play on a relationship with someone that you do not have a lot in common with OTHER than a good sex life (which WILL take a hiatus due to pregnancy and a new baby!)
Have you really thought of the welfare of a child that you would bring into a relationship/situation like this? How unfair to them.
I do not think you have thought this through about all the people that would be involved; except yourself.
You are not ready to be a Mom. You NEED a strong, healthy body. Solid finances and a partner who is willing and excited to be a parent because THEY really want it too.
So yes, I would say it is a lost cause.
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