A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating a man for about nine months. We met when I was going through a divorce. When we initially started dating, he was seeing someone he had dated in the past. During this time, he went to visit this person, and he told me that he had slept with her during this visit. I was very hurt, but I felt that I didn’t have a right to be since we were not exclusive at that time. He also said that the visit (and I guess the sleeping together) was part of letting her go. (This seems ridiculous to me, by the way.) He told me that he let her go during this visit so that we can begin our relationship, he apologized profusely for hurting me, guaranteed that this person is someone from his past, and told me that I needed to accept this person as his friend and nothing more.My divorce has been recently finalized. Since then, this man has told me that we should move in together; but, I also spotted emails in his inbox from this woman. Because of that, I did the unthinkable last night. I looked at the emails and read that this woman was planning a trip to our area. My boyfriend told her that he’s sorry she can’t visit because his new girlfriend (me) is too jealous, especially of her. He also added that it’s a shame because he misses her like crazy.Am I wrong to be jealous? Does anyone think it’s appropriate that he’s talking to this woman about me? Do I need to cut out and run? Can this just be an innocent friendship? Am I overreacting?
View related questions:
divorce, jealous Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2009): No run, do not move in with this guy you dont even trust. Its ok to look at his e-mails my boyfriends did because we had nothing to hide. There is no reason for her to come out there... He will lie and say he has to work late then go sleep with her at her hotel... He knew it would hurt you to tell you they slept together and no you dont have to deal with the fact they are friends, they are more than frineds.
I would leave him. Big red flags already,, He sounds to wishy washy I can see he would not commit anytime soon. Just live apart for a long time, get a ring on your finger first, dont help him pay his mortgage for free. Hes talking about you behind your back, all women are jealous its human nature but its not jealousy I see here, its the fact that you dont want him sleeping with her again. If it was my boyfrined I would say no more contact it makes me uncomfortable, and he should stop.. Keep checkng his e-mail if you keep dating him, I say no to him move on.. Hes got things mixed up in his head right now.
Note: I have an ex from college(20 yrs ago) contacting me now to come out and visit, I am married. He has a live in girlfriend of 3 years but tells me he does not love her... So be careful men just dont want to be alone they dont alwasy love who they are with, so this girl is getting used and wasting her time, money and life with him because he is never going to marry her. so sad.
Anyway many (all)ex's of mine have come back to me later(weeks,daYS,YErs,months for closure sex even a few times whether they had a new girlfrined or not and they justified it by saying you were in my life first and we have history so sex is ok and I alwasy went for it. I guess I needed more closure too. good luck sorry it wont work out
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2009): It does seem a bit ambiguous, although it is possible that he misses her a lot but still thinks more of you. He does put you first, in saying he can't go and meet her. It is possible also that she is going after him, rather than the other way round.
I think your best plan is to talk to your boyfriend about this woman and see what he says. You shouldn't be left feeling insecure and it would be a bad idea to move in with him before sorting this out.
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (26 October 2009):
He slept with this woman when you initally started dating saying it would help him let go? Warning 1.
He hasn't really let her go at all because he's still talking to her. Warning 2.
Worse still, he actually had the nerve to say that you were the problem and that you were jealous and he misses her! Warning 3.
This is clearly a case of a man who just isn't over this other woman. Why is he still talking to her if he's supposed to be with you? And why would he say that you're overly jealous and he misses her.
I'll be honest, I think he picked you because you were going through a divorce and he knew that you would welcome the attention. (I do not mean offence here). The truth is, he's really not that committed. He wants her. You're not overreacting at all. If it's innocent, why all this secrecy? I think you need to drop him, focus on yourself and give yourself plenty of time to heal, then go and soclialize abbd meet a guy who is worthy of you. Don't be second best to this guy when you can be the best another.
...............................
|
