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female
age
,
anonymous
writes: Can lack of affection and sex contribute to or even cause depression?I have been in a 25-year marriage and being rejected or deprived of affection and sex is making me nearly ill to the point that I am questioning my desirability. and wondering what is wrong with me. I am beside myself. when I approach the topic and my needs and desires he get defensive and starts telling me that all I want him for is sex---I am lucky to be intimate once every 3 month. Is this normal???? I am not ugly nor overwieght---other males to which I have discussed this with as friends tell me that he is crazy and needs to step back and take a good look at what he is rejecting and denying pleasure too. Please help What could be wrong ? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, called Steve  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 Of course it will depress you - feeling undesired, unwanted, unfancied - un-everything takes it's toll!
Has he always been like this or is it recent?
At the end of the day - this is a primary example of why affairs begin, you dont have to be on the look out for an affair, if someone turns your head and makes a fuss of you; showing you interest and affection that's how it all begins... my heart goes out to you.
Let him know the situation in no uncertain terms and simply say that you're not looking for anything else, but if there is a chink in your combined armour... you know the score.
Good luck - I hope he listens but my instinct is telling me otherwise.
Steve x
A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (1 December 2009):
 Your reaction to this situation is quite understandable. I hear from guys all the time who complain that their wives are no longer interested in sex, but I've seen a surprising number of women on this site with your complaint too.
We can't know what's going through his head. He may have the sort of performance issues that often accompany ageing, and may be avoiding intimacy as a way of denying the problem. He might be suffering from low testosterone levels -- a medical check would certainly be in order for that, diabetes, hypertension, depression ...
It may be that non-intimacy in your relationship has in his mind become the norm; after you haven't done it for a while, it gets to seem weird to do it, and more comfortable to avoid it.
Or he may no longer desire you.
Start with a thorough physical with his doctor. If that doesn't turn anything up, you need counselling. If he resists, you have to make him understand what effect the situation is having on you.
Good luck.
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