A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have a long distance relationship and the guy is coming to visit me this weekend... I'm having doubts about our whole relationship... He's been acting strange I'm honestly unsure about where I stand. I mean he's a popular guy and he'll make Facebook posts and gets a lot of attention but he rarely comments or likes mine, which I think is kind of strange. If he was really into me he'd be into me on a social media level as well. I know maybe that sounds petty but in today's world that's part of it, right?For New Year's Eve he got very drunk and was vague about what he did and I honestly don't trust him what do I do? Please help??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 January 2017):
 When you say long distant relationship, do you mean you are both exclusive? How often do you both meet up and see each other? Have you been together long and do you plan on closing the distance between you soon? These are all important questions to try and help you more. I know I would want to spend new years eve with my partner unless there was a good reason that you couldn't. Also I don't think I could be with someone if I didn't trust them surely a relationship is built around trust?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2017): Yes, for a mature and intelligent woman; whining over social media attention is petty. You deserve a full-fledged one-on-one relationship with all the trappings and benefits. To include dealing with your relationship issues on an intimate and emotional basis; and learning to conduct real-time interaction and communication. People have lost too much sensitivity and meaning in relationships. They're two high-tech devices, not two people.
Why people insist on dragging their lives through the hell of online-connected long-distance relationships to people who are probably dating on the other side anyway, makes no sense at all to me. Call me old-fashioned if you like.
The point is that the distance should only be temporary, and the objective is to actually come together. Not drag-on year after year; while some guy or woman on the other end is living it up and dating other people behind your back. While you're hanging on like a sap to some make-believe relationship. Slowly going insane.
I'd rather commit my life to a man I can touch, hold, smell, argue, and make love to. Any day of the week! Not some image on a screen, I might get to see in-person a few times out of month or a year. Otherwise; we're tied together between devices. All the while wondering what the other person is doing on down-time. Probably out on a date, like normal people should be doing.
One too many people have trust-issues; and long-distance relationships are one way to get them if you don't! Unnecessarily wearing-out your patience, excruciating periods of waiting, and hanging-on in anticipation of when you'll get a text message in response to one you sent hours or days ago. Over the distance of hours of travel-time, not just a few blocks or miles away.
Isn't it hard enough when your man lives less than 30 minutes away? You're wondering if he's faithful. Give people miles of distance, and you may as well give them permission to do whatever. Trust shouldn't be strained beyond reasonable limits.
Unless he's a husband, soldier, or a long-time established relationship that got separated by circumstance; you're wasting your valuable time. Teenagers and 20-somethings don't mind conducting their relationships online or by text. Grown-ups require much more interaction and intimacy.
Relationships have to be organic. Not sterile connections conducted through cyberspace. The only emotions you feel are panic, anxiety, pining, and suspicion. The love is strained; if not questionable or uncertain.
Wish him a Happy New Year, dump him, and find a guy you can date as often as you wish; and actually develop a real-life relationship. We have a warm skin and senses for a reason.
People can talk themselves blue in the face about long-distance relationships. In my mind, there's no such thing. It's just self-inflicted emotional torture, when you voluntarily allow it to takeover your life. Yet it wasn't a job, family-emergency, pursuit of higher-education, or military deployment that forced you apart. Even then, you have to know when the time comes and you must decide that you can't handle it anymore. You can't let them destroy you emotionally. Not if you have a choice.
Wish him well, get yourself a man you can enjoy having around and workout adult human problems with. Plus hold-hands, get foot-rubs, feel a heart-beat, have sex, and get hugs and kisses on demand! Don't you want that?
Who needs technological pen-pals?
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