A
male
age
36-40,
*drian1182
writes:ok so i've been with my girl friend 5 months and she is the girl of my dreams and i believe she loves me also. thing is she was with somebody for 8 years and not been happy for a long time.we started seeing each other so she was cheating on this man with me and soon left him. she told me that she had never cheated on him before which i believed, we had something really special and we both fell for each other fast.the fact she cheated bothered me a little because i thought if she could do it to him she could do the same to me but i soon forgot that because i really thought me met for a reason and was meant to be and that she said she had never even kissed somebody and i trully believed her.now i found out a few month before we met she actually was cheating on her ex for a month with somebody!!now i cant stop thinking what if i'm wrong about this girl? she lied to me! i thought she was the most amazing girl i ever met now i'm not sure what to think and is she going to do it to me?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): You might be dating my ex!The woman I was involved with had been married/with her husband for 10 years. Towards the end of that time she cheated on him with another man. Later she told me how badly her husband treated her.She was with her new bloke for 2 years and rumours are that she slept with four of the men that she'd worked with whilst with him. I had the misfortune to be number five.I was pretty strict that we wouldn't have any sort of phyiscal relationship whilst she was still with the other man. I also asked about the rumours concerning her and whilst she admitted to one affair, she denied the others.We kept it platonic until she confessed what an awful man she was with. She told me that he was violent towards both her and her children and that she had been raped by him. I felt so honoured that she was prepared to be physical with me that I gave in. A few weeks later she moved out from her partner and we became a couple. A few months after that she left me and went back to her 'abusive' ex. She continued to cheat on him and he kicked her out. She then became involved with two men at the same time. When that ended she came back to me and we tried again.I ended things when I found she was still seeing two other men. She has since cheated on both of them and then went back to her husband!From my experience, once a cheat always a cheat. You can sit down and talk it through with your girflfriend, but cheaters are great liars. If you can't trust her there can't be a relationship.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): Did she have something special with that other guy she was with for 8 years?
Yet she lied to him. Twice. That you know of.
And she lied to you, about lying to him.
But none of this means she must lie again of course. She could be true this time. If you break up with her for fear of something she might do, can I also throw you in jail for a crime you might commit?
She hasn't cheated on you, yet. Live doesn't give guarantees, you are take the risk or you don't. Not taking the risk might mean your heart won't be broken but taking the risk might be worth it after all.
No easy answers I am afraid.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Hi
People (men and women)who cheat are totally selfish,they only ever think of their needs and wants.If they want out of a bad relatinship they look for somebody to move on WITH as they can't be alone or they are not strong enough people to survive without somebody wanting them.They need their ego fed.
I think you should tread carefully,how you met shows how she is, I don't think you will ever trust her,she is already lying.You know she's a cheat because you participated, you enabled her to leave her Ex,she had probably tried a few,and failed, before you came along.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): I think this is a game of chance.
Some people cheat out of desperation because they are far too unhappy in their current relationship, but find it hard to leave, or even tell their partner they are unhappy and want out (as a previous person said).
Also there's people who just get into relationship after relationship, and can't help but lie and cheat.
I guess if you want to find out, you'll have to stick around. If you walk away out of doubt, you will never know whether or not this girl actually is/was the right one for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2012): I met my now husband while in an 8 year relationship. It was a miserable relationship, my first, which became very unhealthy. 8 years later I was still in it. All I needed was to meet that wonderful prince charming to find the courage to leave. I did, within 1.5 months of meeting my now husband I left my ex. I pretty much cheated, but had such battered confidence, it took an amazing guy to drag me out of the old relationship into a loving and stable healthy one.There is no black and white in life. It would have been ideal for me to break up with the ex and move on after that, but with how controlling he was, it would have been very difficult to do it without the love, support and promise of something better.I will never and have never cheated on my now husband. Our relationship is too precious to ever think of doing anything so horrible.Perhaps your gf went through something similar. Also, I'm sure she kissed her ex!
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 Huh?? How could she have never kissed anyone when she was with another guy for 8 years? What did they do, rub noses??
I've said this to everyone who gets involved in a cheating relationship, when you start a relationship where one of you or both of you is cheating on someone else to be with you, trust is automatically destroyed simply by the fact that you are dating a cheater. This means, if she'll do it *for* you, she will most certainly do it *to* you.
She had to lie to be in a relationship with you, and you're upset that she's lying to you?? Here's a thought -- don't date someone unless they're single and available! You set the precedent by being an accomplice to her cheating. You are no better than she is, to be perfectly honest.
You can either stay with her or leave, but never forget, you're dating a cheater, and you helped facilitate it.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (17 October 2012):
 I don't see how you will ever be able to completely trust this woman. You might try really hard to trust her, but you all ready know that she has cheated in the past, and more importantly that she has lied to you. I can't see things working for you both, sorry.
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