A
female
age
51-59,
*isa1471
writes:When your hubby is having an affair can you make it go away by letting everyone know that your happy and everything is perfect?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2012): No it won't make it go away, but if you have decided to stay with your husband despite him having an affair, then pretending to be happy is better than showing your true misery to everyone forever and dragging everyone else down with you just because you are choosing to stay put in a misery-inducing situation.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): dearcupid.org/question/what-to-do-about-unhealthy-sex-affair-.html
So this question is linked to the one above: you are actually the lover of the married man?
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): I have cryptic short questions.
Having said that:
Are u having an affair with a married man and just sussing out what the norm is
Or
Are u the betrayed wife?
Also reply with:
How many years married
Kids
Is this his first affair
How long has he been cheating
Financial status (his)
Your dependence on him
When u reveal your relation to the Man then I will be able to give you a proper answer.
LoveGirl
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (28 March 2012):
 No one will buy it. There is nothing more pathetic and transparent than a woman pretending to be happy, or pretending that that their husband/marriage is perfect. Maybe you can fool a 5 year old, but you won't fool any adults.
I have seen women just like you, or women that make excuses for their men. It never fails to make me just shake my head. In fact, I try to avoid people like that. If you want to lie to yourself, that's fine with me, but I won't sit there and be part of a never ending charade. Lies are never appreciated, especially when the truth is so obvious to everyone around with half brain.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (28 March 2012):
 You cannot make his affair go away.
IF you are happy and everything is perfect then by all means let folks know.
Do not fake it in hopes of making it better..
Happiness comes from being happy… the truth is that you are not happy and you can put on a happy face and pretend but then at night when you are home alone (and even if your hubby is there you are alone if he’s having an affair and you don’t approve) you will cry and hurt… that’s not happy.
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A
female
reader, amazingk +, writes (28 March 2012):
 True happiness comes from facing the truth of any situation, appreciating what's good, and rectifying what's wrong. You cannot achieve true happiness by deluding yourself with blatant falsehoods. You might be able to subsist for a period of time, but you're going to have to face the truth eventually. Besides, it always comes out anyways. At least allow yourself the dignity to have it be on your terms.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): It's up to you. Do you want to spend the rest of your married life deluding yourself that you are happy? Can you do that?
The only thing that will make the affair go away is your husband ceasing to cheat on you, but you know that already.
You have a choice, be a self-deluded (probably depressed) doormat, or stand up for yourself and deliver an ultimatum to your cheating husband ... her or me, you cannot have both!
One last question, do you really want him knowing he's cheated on you? Wouldn't it be better to choose the man in your life rather than settling for one?
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 March 2012): No. In fact, it sometimes makes the affair more obvious to outsiders, when couples play the "happy couple" role a bit too enthusiastically. They tend to overdo it and that's a dead giveaway. Don't cover up. Get a divorce if you can.
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