A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi. I'm really confused and need help. I'm in a long distance relationship for 3 years. It was really tough to work it out and I was sick of his philandeerin ways and mistreatment. He used to treat me REALLY GOOD when together but back to his ways when long distance. I was sick of it and broke off things for 8 months. He kept trying to get in touch all this while, says he never stopped loving me. He asked me to meet up before he left the country and I was stupid enough to go and meet him. We have our magical beautiful dates as usual and then he left.. we kept in touch and he started treating me well even in long distance and promised to manage things. He never let me go, used to work out all fights lovingly.. I had to visit his country for some work and we stayed together for 2 months. And he really treated me very very well, I was shocked to see his efforts, love and dedication. Once i was cleaning up his room while he was at work and found printouts of all the ecards i used to mail him.. and read his notes about us.. seems like he really loves me..I have seen him crying terribly, going nuts for me.. I thought maybe I was wrong about him. We lived the best days of our lives together. He told me he had cut off with all the easy girls he used to flirt online and said the only reason he did that was because he got very lonely in the foreign land after i left him. But the issue is, it's not just 3-4 girls.. It's a huge list.. I checked his mails.. He used to flirt with like 10-12 girls and told them all that he is falling for them.. this all happened when i was not there in his life but it freaks me out.. Why is he so obsessed with girls.. he keeps in touch only with girls among his friends.. he used to sing songs for me.. made me feel special.. but i saw it.. he used to do the same for other girls, his so called friends.. sometimes I think the way he treated me, made me feel so special.. he would have done that for anyone, any of his friend as well. He has created so much mess that I'm insecure, what if he comes back here? He will again flirt and meet up these girls he used to chat and ask out online.. what am I supposed to do now? Sometimes I think his fickle mindedness won't change, he won't change and will end up cheating me in future if I don't end the relationship now..is he a maniac or what!! I have all his passwords and he lets me check things, says he has cut off with those easy girls.. he says I won't do anything wrong till ur there in my life, i lose it when you leave and end up doing this shit.. sometimes I think it all happened when i was not there in his life, maybe he was really that lonely and ended up creating such a huge mess.. I sometimes think is it possible to get out of these insecurities, can such men ever change?? Can I ever accept his so called close friends whom he treated so good just like he did to me.. or am I overthinking and giving up on a guy who really loves me? What am I supposed to do now? I have abused him a lot, said all I could, he still wants me back and says he really loves me. Please help! Can I guy, who never mended his ways ever change?? These easy girls, his flirting, his ex.. these issues never seem to get sorted.. I didn't see anything like this in the recent past but for how long? I don't know what to do.. giving up on him under these insecurities and his habits, thinking he is a freak.. what if he really loves me and all that happened when i was not there.. am confused!!
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at work, flirt, his ex, insecure, long distance Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (29 August 2012):
 It's possible. I was a cheated, many factors cause this lonely,at times. With a person on paper marriage and or serious relationship and you not compatible and you not feeling them. So you go out to find someone to be with. I was alot fearful of hurting other person even the person I was cheating with. So I decided to be alone cause I definitely don't want to take people through extra crap. Especially with love and emotional or cause insecurities to anyone either. So in a world of possibilities anything is possible. If you can predict the future then you know what will happen. You already setting it up by saying he will cheat on you. Why would he is there a reason for him to be put in scenarios for set ups so he will go looking to cheat. Looking to make someone else happy and feel good. He obviously can't or won't do long distance relationships. I know in long distance I would be like Im not go miss out the other person maybe doing who knows what acting innocent even if you really not doing anything. It's my thought you are doing something cause we are human with needs. I wouldn't even tell someone wait for me let's have long distance love cause it's to much. You can't see or know what the other is doing really. Also sort the issue of the flirting the ex's the friends the lovers or any other issues to why he does or still do certain things. The issue of if he feels bad for past actions of sexual habits cheating taking people through emotional drama. You can't decide what to do until you are ready
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (28 August 2012):
 What difference would it make whether he loved you or not? Would it make a life of endless philandering worth while?
Let's say he was violent instead of a womanizer and he'd knocked your teeth out during an argument. Would his love for you save you having to visit a dentist? Of course not.
Where does it say that as long as a man is nice to your face and claims to love you, you should stay with him? Did they teach that in school? I must have been off sick that day.
I should think you already know the answer to your question. Is he likely to fall back into his old habits? Well, given that cheating was a HABIT, then I'd say, yes, it is highly likely he will resume doing it.
You know the saying 'Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me'? I think it applies here.
The problem isn't just that you can't trust him. You can't trust yourself either to ensure your own well being by making better decisions.
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A
female
reader, love sux  +, writes (28 August 2012):
reaLLY DIFFICULT TO ANSWER ,,,, happened to me too but i dumped him cz i cnt live with such insecurities .. but u gotta decide on ur own whether u cn deal with it or not ,, cz from d looks of it i dnt think he's gonna change ....ppl dnt change only cz u want them to ppl change only when they want to .. nd u gotta find out if he regrets having all those casual affairs or wutevr they were\are .. and if he cwants to leave his old ways just to be with u ..if thts d case thn he's ur guy otherwise it's gonna be tough for u.. men like this r smart nd tend to hide stuff smartly .. nd somewhere everyone feels lonely but tht doesnt mean we all end up having so called timepass affairs nd tht too numerous of them .... thts not an excuse ..if its a sign of something then tht thing is weakness ... so just meet him nd ask him clearly,, tell him ur side of story.. hope it goes well .. all the best
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