A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My husband and I have been together for 17 years, it has been a rough 17 years as he first cheated on me during our dating period. He even thought the girl was the girl of his dreams and moved out for a while. I having faith, took him back as we had a 1 year old dauther. After marriage and many years I have found out that my husband has cheated on me 8-10 times. I still allowed him to stay, not sure why, I love him... To try and control the situation I thought that we could try and have an open marriage, one that would allow him to sleep with other woman with me as I am bi. This worked really well for so long as I got to give the final approval. Well there was a girl that worked in the same building that he stated to me was "perfect". Against my better judgement, her and I became friends, you know keep your friends close and you enimies closer... I know my husband has called her many times even though I have asked him not to. Well while we were on vacation I found that he had created a chat session with her. That of course threw me over the edge and our vacation became the vacation to hell. The day we landed my husband was informed that he could go on a detail for work to california. I asked him please not to go as we needed to work on this. The day we came back to work, I checked his phone, and he had called her and talked for 17 minutes.. He said it was about me being upset. She is from california and we had plans to do something 4th of july weekend. She quickly changes our plans and said she was going to see her folks in cali. RIGHT is my thought. To make matters worse, since I am bi and she was bi curious I thought I would give a dose of his own medicine. When he asked I told him the truth. After that he was so cold and harsh to me while he was gone. Well now he told me he needs time to be alone, cause he said I cheated on him, and if we are going to stay together he needs to fix his short comings and has moved out. He said that he wants us to start a new life and he has to figure out how to stop lying and cheating. He refuses to go to counseling with me or by himself. He mentioned he had an appointment to fix himself and I was proud cause I thought it was counseling, nope tai chi, WHAT! He also wants to come over all the time and be friends..... I truly believe in my gut there was more to them than I know with the perfect woman. She has left the state however, he was offered a detail to the same state right after her move. HMMMM After all this why am I contemplating allowing him to continue to be part of my life, can a cheater/liar ever change? Do I stay strong, and tell him I no longer want to try or do I allow him this time... I know I am nothing but an enabler, I allowed him to do this to me!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI know I know, I guess when I think about it, if you didn't know about his outings he would be the perfect man, very good looking (model type) he is an awesome father, he helps with everything, does all the cooking and even laundry. We always had a ton of fun when we went out, he always treated me very very nice. I know that was not an excuse for everything I tollerated. I guess no matter how goodlooking you are there is someone tired of taking your crap!
A
female
reader, Minxy68  +, writes (17 November 2008):
Hmmmm, what are you thinking!! Let him go and get youself a new life that has happiness and trust. I, and I think many women wouldnt be treated like a door mat. The most important thing in a marriage is trust and respect, none of which youre man has for you, or youre daughter. The amount of times hes cheated on you, well i would have been long gone after affair number 1. You dont have to lower yourself or your standards for a relationship. Jog on and get happy.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): This is a toxic relationship. He even said so himself counceling will not work. You Can't have a Real Relationship in an open marriage, because a Real Relationship is based on Trust. Don't you want to be loved by a man that wants only YOU? He's not capable of it...
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2008): Wow, this is soap opera! Sorry, but everything is here, cheating husband before marriage, forgiving wife, also bisexual, open relationship, husband addicted to sex, telling his wife very openly about women that he likes!!!There is a collection of inappropriate relationships here, at least in our modern society we call it inappropriate.hard to figure out how to answer. The one proper thing is that the husband finally moved out.
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