A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I started dating a guy about 9 months ago. I had actually met him years before at a work event and we had chatted but he had a girlfriend so that was that. I then met the same guy years later at a party and we instantly recognized each other, chatted again but he was still with the same girl and so once again, we went our separate ways. Months after the second meeting he got in touch and we went out. He had broken up with his girlfriend the week before but he had explained they had been on and off for the past few years and that he cared for her but did not want a relationship with her. We have a very strong physical attraction to each other and we started dating soon after. I then started to receive emails and texts from his ex who was furious he had moved on so quickly. I chose to ignore her. Months later she sent me a text letting me know that this guy had spent the night with her at least twice since he had been dating me. I was very upset and ended things with him. A month later we got back in touch and he assured me it was over with his ex. Again we started seeing each other but he was always hot and cold. Not long after we got together the second time, I found out he had been sleeping with his ex and again I walked out on him. We got together a final time and he explained that he felt guilty about what had hapened with him and his ex and was very sorry. I was wary but he started to be more attentive and even said he loved me. I was then offered a job overseas and decided to take it but we talked about things and decided to stay in touch as we had both started to develop feelings. One weekend before I was due to leave, he went to visit a friend in Spain (told me he was having work issues and needed to relax). I was very supportive even though I was hoping he would spend these last weekends with me. The following week, I got an email from..yes..the ex girlfriend. She explained he had taken her away to Madrid for a romantic break and said she was warning me. She also said he had told her he did not want to be with her but cared for her (it seems his ex had also decided to leave the city) and this was his goodbye to her! I was heartbroken! As well as very angry. I went on holiday for a few weeks and on my last day before leaving we met up one final time for him to return some of my things. He seemed so upset but that was all. He didnt beg me to stay, he didnt declare anything.. and so we said goodbye. I had said to him I did not want to keep in touch but now I have moved, I miss him so much. I do think he had feelings for me but then why would he have treated me like he did. I am wondering if I should stay friends with him, perhaps by cutting contact I am ending any chance with him.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (20 July 2008):
 So at best, he is confused and cant make his mind up. I repeat, why would you want him?
C xxxxx
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (19 July 2008):
I am amazed you would want a chance with him? Why? You shouldn't want him to have a chance with YOU!
I think now you have moved, go cold turkey and you will meet someone thats nice and wouldn't mess 2 women about like he is capable of doing.
C xxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 July 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat I want to know is whether I meant anything or not..I understand the difficulty of coming out of a long term relationship and his ex is a very manipulative girl. Yes he lied and yes he cheated but we had not yet moved into a committed relationship and were still dating. It was the last lie that I am unable to understand as by that point we were moving in that direction.
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