A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My fiance of 6 yrs now told me recently that he wants to have sex with another woman. he'd prefer it with me and 'her' but he'd take 'her' solo also. he explained that its not because i'm lousy in bed but because he's just bored. I know I'm not great in bed but I'm torn in two directions, i want to let him because it will make him happy but yet I don't because I should be enough for him right? Someone help please!
View related questions:
fiance, sex with another Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): NO! If he actually said that, it doesn't seem like he actually loves you.
I just think that would be messed up!! I think you should say NO! And if he gets mad or whatever, leave him! You can find someone MUCH better, who appreciates you for ALL your characteristics!!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2010): the moment you allow another person into your sex lives your relationship will be over. it doesn't seem strong and this man will definately leave. plse also start working n yourself and plse love yourself enough not to be pressurised into accpeting any cheating- bec this is what will happen.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2010): Say "no". Unless you are both enthusiastic about the idea it isn't going to work. And you're not.You are obviously going to have to fix the basic problem. Is he bored? Does he fancy someone else and is looking to have the best of both worlds?The two of you sound like you aren't very good at sex. So it seems a bit odd that he has such expectation of sex from outside of the relationship.Fixing the sex within the relationship would seem to result is more happiness for him and you.Easy enough done. Structured talk and mutual exploration is the usual technique. You could pay for that. Or just go and buy The Joy of Sex and read through it together, discussing your feelings about each topic (would you do it or wouldn't you, does it turn you on or are you left cold). Mutual exploration is usually done by game playing -- tell your partner a story which gets them sexually excited; masturbate in the presence of the other, telling each other what works; masturbate each other, with the partner verbalising the signals that they make to direct their partner ("I am moving your hand to show you I like to be touched like this"); masturbate your partner with just non-verbal cues alone; then sex with verbalising and without. You get the idea -- basically improve communication between the two of you in a sexual setting. Only real trick is to do it lightly, with humour.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): This is why feeling as though you "don't know what you would do without" another person can be dangerous. He obviously doesn't feel the same way about you, otherwise he would never make such a request. Unfortunately, you are so dependent upon him that you can't even stand up for yourself and let him know how unacceptable this is. You'd rather allow him to disrespect you and give him permission to cheat than face the possibility being without him.
As much as you love him, you need to love yourself, too. If he's bored in bed, he needs to work harder. Actually, both of you need to work harder. If you think you're not good in bed, read some books or something, but don't open the door for him to cheat.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): we have a little girl together and i don't know what i would without him. he's said we could have 2 guys if i wanted or that i could have someone else solo. he also told me that if i didn't want any of it that he would just have to learn some self control. i'm still so lost.
...............................
A
male
reader, seneca  +, writes (26 June 2010):
Dump this guy NOW. He has no respect for you and does not desrve you.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2010): You probably shouldn't have waited 6 years between getting engaged and getting married.
...............................
A
female
reader, Waiting for an angel +, writes (26 June 2010):
Wow i cant believe you're even considering this!! You're giving him permission to cheat. Its on you, as a woman i would allow this but then again everyones different.
...............................
A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (26 June 2010):
 You are really considering this....there are a lot of open marriage but is he willing to share you as well.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2010): OMG, you are seriously asking this question and you don't know the answer? If this is the way he treats you now, he will only get worse when you're married. He is a self absorbed, self centered ass, and he is bored because he is empty inside, shallow empty people are often bored.He's a complete ass, you are seeing his true colors and his lack of love and respect for you. He loves himself quite a bit though. Google Narcissistic and you will see his profile.
...............................
A
male
reader, dyeruz +, writes (25 June 2010):
Yes you should be enough for him, if he's bored then ask if you can have two guys to see how he likes it, I think that's already been suggested :)
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (25 June 2010):
If he's bored, then he's not committed enough to you to make things better. He just wants to go out and sleep with another girl. Tell him no. Sounds to me like he just wants to be allowed to cheat.
...............................
A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (25 June 2010):
 At least he asked... right? :(
If you have any problem with it at all, you should say "no." If you let him and then regret, that's when the real problems will start: resentment, anger, jealousy, insecurity, etc.
Careful on this one.
Try asking him for another guy, see how that floats his boat.
...............................
|
