A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I Have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. I knowwe love each other very much he never cheated. The only problem is he smokes cocaine now and then and he has a lot of friends which makes him very aggresivewhen he has done it. He even hit me a few times before. I dont live with him anymore but i really miss and love him so much. I wanna know will we make it how can I help him? or should I just forget about him. But I know he loves me too how can we move past this and will our relationship make it forever?
View related questions:
smokes Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (11 April 2012):
 If he will accept and come to realise that cocaine will ruin his life - and that he will need more and more to get high - if he can face this reality then he will seek help to get over his addiction.
But while he refuses to accept that he needs to say no to illicit drugs then he is not a good prospect as a boyfriend.
The cocaine will make him become more aggressive and more desperate for more.
Would you want to bring a child into the world with this man if the child had to witness their father taking illicit drugs.
To get his cocaine he is mixing with criminals.
Is that what you want for the father of your children in the future?
it matters not how cute he is.
Illicit drugs are a road to hell.
Yes the very best thing you can do for you and your future is to tell him to come back to see you when he is drug free.
No discussion. No compromise.
Cocaine also has some horrible consequences long term.
Although it is not a South African site I recommend that you read some comments on this site about illicit drugs.
www.talktofrank.com
You are not helping this guy by tolerating and putting up with and accepting that drugs are part of his lifestyle.
Cocaine - the downs get worse and worse. It is highly addictive. it causes the uses to get aggressive and take more risks. His heart rate will go up and if he has any existing heart issues this will add to his risk profile. The depression when he needs another 'fix'can go on for days.
You do not want to be a part of how low he may have to go before he realises he is in trouble and cannot handle his lifestyle.
He needs to find the strength himself to ask for help. This problem is too big for you to solve. He needs professional support.
But while he is in denial it is better that you leave him alone to discover this.
Otherise it will just be too painful and degrading for you to be there as he falls lower and lower into the cess pool of illicit drug taking and drags you down in the process.
You do yourself a favor by walking away at this point.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (11 April 2012):
 He has to want to get help, to stop using drugs and to admit to and address his physical violence toward you. If he doesn't want to get help, there's not much you can do. I would suggest you check into Al-Anon, which is designed to help people who are affected by a loved one's alcohol (or drug) use. Sounds like you are in this category, which is very sad. It is not your fault. Nor is it yours to fix. All you can do is manage your life and keep yourself safe from abuse, okay?
So is he getting help for himself? If not, I would forget about him, sorry.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 April 2012):
 I vote for just forgetting him. He sounds toxic and any relationship with a toxic person never goes anywhere but down.
...............................
|
